So I finally came out to my first friend a couple days ago, and I'm planning on telling a few more soon, the first was more surprised than I thought she'd be (I don't know how people don't see it sometimes honestly), but nevertheless very supportive and understanding which was great I'm glad I told someone. I have come to terms with myself 100% and I don't see it changing, I'm attracted to men like half the world, big deal right? My goal is to come out to everyone and to be myself and not give a fuck, the sooner the better. I am pretty sure I'm bipolar though, and being that I know right now I'm feeling overly good about things, (the slightly 'high' side) I am legitimately scared of what I might do to myself if things go too far south over this because I literally switch moods a couple times a day sometimes seemingly at random, and sometimes I'm regular. This is the truth, even though I realize this the whole time, I know it sounds, and probably is a little messed up but it is what it is and I can't help it. I signed up for counceling at my school and went to my first meeting this week, it was pretty awkward/scary, I'm not sure what it will do for me in the end but whatever I'm going to be going weekly it looks like I probably need it idk. I want to just tell everyone I know, but I'm afraid of the negative reactions and loss of people close to me, I'm not sure if I can handle the potential loss of family and friends all days of the week. Right now I am in a very good mood, I know I should not care at all about what others think, I'm just as strong, smart, and good as anyone (lol..), I am not ashamed anymore, I don't feel less of a person, I'm not flawed or anything, I just don't want to be alone, that is the one thing I cannot deal with. I have been overall better since coming out to my friend and new councelor but I just don't know if I will ever have the strength or not to fully come out, I sure as hell don't want to continue living a lie though. So if you know anything inspirational insert here lol... While I did tell one friend, who was really great and supportive about it, it's not enough for me still. I want to be able to bring a boyfriend over and hang out with friends like any other couple of people, live a good, happy, full life that I am missing out on right now. Another issue with me is meeting other people like me or who are accepting, the couple of openly gay people I know are very feminine and stereotypical, which is fine, but just not me at all really like I just couldn't see myself even being great friends with those people, not because I don't like them or anything, I just don't have much in common with them, that's all. Am I doomed to be lonely or what...? Can anyone else here relate??
