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Three down...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jv24601, Feb 4, 2011.

  1. jv24601

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Providence RI
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I came out to two of my best friends last night. That was the second and third time I have said "I'm Gay" outloud. The first time was last week when I told one of my housemates. All three of these experiences were positive. My two friends from last night both congratulated me, which was something I wasn't expecting. I'm a little in shock that I actually told someone after keeping it a secret for so long.

    Now I have to tell my other housemate and that's complicated. The three people that I have told and my other housemate are close and, while I don't think it would happen, the truth could slip out. I really think that she needs to hear it from me. So, this housemate that I still have to tell, Lets call her "B", was my officemate in Grad School and really has been my best friend for the past 7 or 8 years. Although we have grown distant over the past few months. B made it clear about 5 years ago that she was in love with me and wanted to take our relationship to the next level. This brought on mixed emotions for me, on the one hand here a straight relationship was basically dropped in my lap, it was my chance, possibly my last chance, to reach that goal of a wife, 2.2 kids, a white picket fence. On the other hand, deep down I knew that I wouldn't be able to fake it like I did in high school and college. That was a lot of work, faking a straight relationship. I made some excuse about not being ready and not wanting to take the chance of reuining our friendship. And actually our friendship did evolve to the point that we were basically together as a couple simply without the sex (that's called married, right?). Basically she was waiting for me to work through what I had to work through. I have to be honest, I lead her on. She was my last chance to be "normal". A few months ago, she gave up on me....decided she wasn't going to wait anymore. I don't blame her, it does make me sad though. It's also what lead directly to this whole "coming out" business. Truth be told, I am terrified of ending up alone for the rest of my life. So, that's why I am scared of telling her- she has every right to be mad at me. I am afraid that I am going to loose her as a friend. Not because she has a problem with homosexuals, but rather because I am the homosexual and did not have the balls to tell her. I've expressed my fears to my three other friends, one basically said that I should be afraid. The other two said that she would be fine with it, releaved and happy with me.

    It has helped just to get that off my chest, but if anyone has any advice, I am all ears. One thing, she is leaving on Sunday for a 2 weeks in the carabean with her parents, should I tell her before she goes or wait until she gets back?
     
  2. zeratul

    zeratul Guest

    You say that she has given up on you, good. She will now venture out to find happiness. And when she does, I think you can drop the bomb on her then. Right now would just make everyone sad.

    I don't know much about women, but I do know that a woman values youth a lot. And I do think that when she realizes that she has wasted her youth waiting for a gay man, she will be very pissed. So its better in my opinion to drop the bomb after she's found another source of happiness and fulfillment.
     
  3. I actually disagree with this (not that I know much about most women either haha)

    I think that maybe telling her before her vacation is not good in case she does react badly, but honestly I think if I were her I'd be less upset about everything that happened if I knew that there was a good reason. Explain to her what you were trying to do by being "with" her, but also that you couldn't pretend anymore. I hope that she feels relieved like she didn't do something wrong. Because she didn't and you're doing the right thing by telling her that.

    I hope this helps a little, sorry it's such a rough situation. (*hug*)

    ALSO: I forgot to say congrats on coming out! It's nice that it's been positive for you thus far :slight_smile:
     
  4. EM68

    Full Member

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    Congrats on coming out to your 2 friends. Personaly, I would wait until she gets back from her trip. You have a history with her and a lot of emotion on both sides. If she reacts badly if could put a damper on her trip. By waiting until she gets back you both will have time to talk after you come out to her.