Need help. Don't know what to do.

Hi, welcome to EC. First off how do your parents react to the thought of you being gay?
If you think its good i think you should tell them since they suspected it. You seem really upset and i know how it feels when you havent told anyone! We'll try to help as much as possible.

 

Hmm, well do you have any friends that are gay friendly? Or anyone that you can talk to?
If not you should really keep posting to try to let out your stress

 

I think your parents want you to come out to them. Try that first. Focus on taking baby steps instead of the whole big picture. You don't have to come out to everyone at once. Just see how it goes with your parents and go from there. Good luck!

 

You're the one that should know if telling them would be right or not.

What are you really so anxious about? Do you feel like you're not going anywhere with your life/with being gay so you think telling them would mean making a step? That's what I thought and good thing I backed out on time.

How old are you? Do you know gay people in real life?

 

I know how you feel. My parents are divorced as well, and I have to be the man of the house. If I didn't mow the lawn or take the garbage out, it wouldn't get done. I also have to be the emotional support for my mother and my brother, because they have no one else. Those are just things that naturally come with being the only man (or only mature man) in the house.

In a case like the one we're in, it's o.k. to be a little selfish with our emotions. You have a lot of responsibility that your parents gave to you by getting divorced, and if you want to come out you shouldn't have to stress out over what your parents think about it. If you want to do it, go ahead and do it if it'll make you happy.

 

Well, you know, it is not about dissapointing other people, it is about being honest, just act like who you are, dont put on any show, because the truth, sooner or later, will reveal

I know it's hard, to handle the pressure about what people will think about you, but you know, you have to be proud of who you are. I know it's terrible to make peopel dissapointed, but the truth is the truth, you can not run away with it

It will take time to have the courage of coming out, being out to your parents is not your fault you know

So yeah, you dont ahve to come out if thinsg are too bad, and pressure are building up too much, but you just gonna have to someday, trust me

 

I agree with the people on the other site

My best friend is the first person I came out to. It was a horrible feeling because I was scared out of my mind that he'd hate me, and that I'd lose him forever.
He honestly loves it now. Gay jokes are his favorite jokes, so to have a gay friend who'll make them as well is ecstasy.

Parents wise I can't say much. They found some pretty imcriminating evidence against me once, so my choices were to lie my butt off, or use the opportunity. I took the chance, and they still won't acknowledge it. My mom keeps asking me why I don't have a girlfriend, or if Hillary is single, or Kaytlin. My dad just ignores it.

 

If you parents have already talked to you about this then deep inside themselves they know, they just wanted confirmation. They were obviously open enough about the subject to bring it up with you so the first baby step has been taken.

I think the next thing is to be very honest with your parents, start with your mum if you think she will take it better. You can lead into it by saying that you love her very much and you don't want to disappoint her but that conversation you had, well in fact she was right.

If your friend is a true friend he will accept you as you are, if he doesn't he isn't a real friend and you are wasting you time and emotions on him anyway. Even if you don't want to lose his friendship what kind of friend would he be if he dropped you now. Things might be a little bit akward and strained but that won't last long. You might need to reassure him that you realy like him but not like THAT so that he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable and have that niggling little doubt at the back of his mind.

Once you have a couple of people behind you supporting you, you can discuss the coming out to your dad. Loads of straight dads are 'homophobic' in that it touches a little bit too close to home so it is easier to turn it into derogatory remarks or degrading jokesl.

Your dad loves you and his desire to have a good relationship with his eldest son will surely overcome his surface homophobia. Of course his dad has a lot of influence over him, all our lives we seek the approbation of our parents but most of us, given the choice of siding with a parent or a child, few of us will chose the parent over the child.

Hope all goes well for you (*hug*)

 

If you still don't have any experience and you're just 18, why would you rush coming out? For some reason you sound like you need a solution or something... I thought coming out would make feel like I'm doing something and I'm glad I didn't do it. If that's it, do something else gay-related to make you feel better... at least get to know people. At least that's what I do.

As for the divorce part. Everyone has stress in their lives. There's never a good time for parents to hear that but what can you do.

 

Well, if that's the case.
Then I think it could be okay to tell him about you.
Just don't make him feel uncomfortable.
But if he's a good friend, then he won't care.​