Biphobia

Sounds like a twat to me.

He was either too bigheaded to admit to himself that he got a 'gaydar' guess wrong or he is one of those dumb bimbo dunces who dont believe that bisexuality exists.

Its also possible that he liked you (in THAT way... what the hell is the American translation for "he fancied you" anyway? I've been trying to phrase this sentence for ages) because, from what you've said, it seems as though he may have been trying to flirt with you.

How old are you? If you're 16 years old or below I'd say that he almost definately was flirting with you. But, of course, I wasnt there so I wouldnt know. Looking back, do you think it is possible that he was flirting with you? How did he react when you tried to hit him?


What you should've done, by the way, is accuse him of being secretly bisexual. Then start making obvious and open attempts to fix him up with one of your female friends because you can just SEE that he thinks shes hot.

 

Yeah. He was mainly just trying to get your attention and show off to you. I wouldnt worry about it. He obviously has problems expressing himself in such situations. Its like in school when I had a girl bully me because she liked me (little did she know). If anything, feel sorry for him.

 

It almost sounds like he was taking out his own insecurities on you, like he was analysing himself and applying it on you. Maybe he was jealous that you had such great and accepting friends, and that you family is accepting of your sexuality as well. Hmm it could be anything really, but my advice (for what it's worth) is try to not let him get to you (if you have to interact with him in the future). From what you wrote it really does seem like he's an insecure individual, and the cause of his behaviour towards you could be anything. But I agree that it's sad that a gay guy who faces so much prejudice can't be accepting of other's sexuality. It's like the people who thinks bisexuals are just greedy :/ For me it's more falling in love with the person , and it doesn't so much matter if it's a boy or a girl...

 

^ For the record, I can't stand it when people do this. I think it's really rude to call attention to anyone's sexual orientation in a "party" situation, especially as some kind of elaborate joke.

It's kind of sad there's so much prejudice against bisexual people. But unfortunately, most of the prejudice against bi people that I've seen has come from the gay community. Usually in the form of "Bisexual men do not exist" and "Bisexual women are doing it for attention".

Which is crazy to me. Don't people feel attraction through other things than a person's gender? Ever get infatuated with someone who had an idea you really agreed with, or a worldview that made sense to you? Or you have other things in common?

I don't know, I can just recognize physical attractiveness in either sex, and took it for granted that everyone couldn't? At least until high school where homophobia was pretty rampant, and then I was like, "Oh, shit." But every serious crush I ever had in high school was with people for things other than their gender. I liked this one guy because he grew up in Jakarta and he was good-looking and I thought he was very mysterious and "strong stoic type" and worldly (very masculine guy). Or a delicate female artist who I thought was particularly talented and quite pretty. Or a shy male artist I thought who was particularly talented (and quite pretty ). Or a girl on the softball team who was so tough I thought I'd melt into a puddle.

I've been interested in people on all ends of the spectrum, and in each case their plumbing was not really a determining factor in my feelings for them.

But I never acted for my feelings on any of these people, because Because it's not just something you feel on the inside - for some reason, because of whatever causes "gaydar", there are people that are going to be able to tell whether you want them to know or not. So occasionally with brazen people, you'll run into guys like this. Best to bristle for a bit and then blow it off. He was trying to flatter you/feel you out, he just didn't do it in a very tactful way.

 

>>>My friend, who is adorable and one of the nicest girls you'll ever meet had a word with him. Told him that he had offended some people. He burst into tears and then, feeling guilty, she cried as well.

"He burst into tears"? Shouldn't he have been proud of "challenging people by correcting their incorrect notions on their sexuality"?

Not being bi, I obviously haven't encountered this particular thing. But I've run into people who have suggested that I'm gay because "I'm scared of vaginas", or that my parents must have done a horrible job raising me, or that I can (and should) be straight if I really wanted to. When this happens, I do my best to keep quiet and adopt the same facial expression I do when my three-year-old niece tells me about the story she came up with. You know that spot where a pleasant smile meets condescension? Right about there. And when they're done, I say "Well, that's a very interesting theory. Thank you for sharing it with me." If they keep trying to engage me on the subject, I again smile and say "Well, you obviously understand the whole 'gay thing' a lot more than I do, so I have no choice but to assume you're right." Oddly, I've found that agreeing with them in a voice that suggests you don't really agree with them pisses them off to no end. For one, it doesn't allow them to argue (which is what they really want to do). What are they going to say - "No, you don't REALLY think I'm right"? Secondly, everybody else usually picks up on the subtext of what I'm saying. Which is "I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality and my beliefs that I don't feel the need to engage you on this."

Lex

 

They are pretty scary TBH.

 

The guy sounds desperate for attention. The best response in that type of situation is probably just to smile politely and ignore him.

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF051-Zarflax.jpg

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)

 

Wow, he sounds like a total tool. :***:
Everyone else is right, he is probably starved for attention.

 

What an ignorant person. Sounds to me like he's the one with issues. The thing is with psychology, the only one you can truly analyse is yourself. All that non-sense about being trapped and unhappy and about an audience sounds like he was projecting. Whether he knew it or not, he was probably talking about his own life and not yours. Just breath and don't let it get to you. The only opinion that truly matters is ones own.

 

If i was there with you i would have lost it xD i can't deal with people being that fucking rude to a stranger.
1) He is completely attention whoring
2) He has a massive ego and i would have asked if he was getting his degree in psychology then gone on about "oh that's wonderful how at age 21 you have already figured out such an intricate and complex issue that psychologists, geneticist, and biologists have been studying for years. You should go tell someone really important and go for a nobel prize or something cause no one here gives a fuck what you have to say on the subject. Also believe it or not you sitting here spewing your shit theory about my sexuality while also making offensive assumptions about my family holds about as much water as me saying your gay because your daddy didn't love you and your mom was an over bearing bitch." Last part added for insult
3) I would tell whoever is responsible for bringing him that you never want to meet, talk, or be involved with him ever again because he is rude, offensive, and generally just a douche bag.

The fact that he came in and acted like that was obnoxious, the way he cried when confronted about it is pathetic, and the way he came over to argue with you about how you feel is rude and asinine. But if you do see him again the best thing to do is be nice. If he apologizes then just nod your head smile and go on your way just act like it doesn't phase you in the slightest and smile on the inside knowing it is just going to piss him off. And this is for no matter what he says, and in general don't go out of your way to interact with him.

Also it definitely seems like he's projecting.

i may have added that he is the one who started this scene in front of an audience for attention and that he is the one that is probably angry and unhappy or he wouldn't feel the need to act so desperately for attention in front of all these people and try to start a scene by being offensive and ignorant. Also it is clear he is projecting cause he knows absolutely nothing about you but goings on to make extravagant assumptions that are probably far more based in his life and his insecurities.

 

I'm going to be studying Psychology next year (if i get in to the 6th form at college) and i have already been 'studying' it. It seems to me that he could be trying to share is own problems in a way that it wouldn't seem as if they were his own. if you see what i mean. But anyway. Aslong as you don't see him again etc. move on. He's a twat and you are bi. All's more or less swimmingly good.

 

Wow..... I knew there was some prejudice around but seriously? Surely someone who's gay would know what it feels like to be told something like that (or at least have seen how their friends react to it). I don't get how gay people can act like that towards bi people......

 

It's awful how some of the most homophobic or biphobic people are gays themselves. I personally know (and can't stand) two guys like this. They LOVE to complain about how awful our small town is for people questioning their sexuality, but to be honest, most of the problem is people like them! Labels are terrible unless it's a label you give yourself.

 

Reminds of the "only gay in the village" from Little Britain.

 

I think biphobia is strongly contributory to my rather extreme sexual confusion. I keep feeling like there there's this need to pick one or the other so I can gain support from others in either camp...but time and time again, it's just not that simple for me.

 

I've had, similar experiences to yours. I've been told that I will sleep with anything and everything that breathes, that my relationships won't work because I can't 'make up my mind', and that I need to, "admit that you're a lesbian, this bi thing isn't true."

It' so freaking ignorant. I mean I know what I want. So do you. When it comes to this guy just blow him off. I know it's hard, because he was being a total d-bag. But if you fight with him about it he'll think you're just giving him more ammo. Like, "why are you fighting back so hard? You must know what I'm saying is true then."

You know who you are. And that's what matters. Brush the haters off

 

I agree with all of this. Also, most Americans recognize "he fancied you." xDD Just most do not say it in conversation.
About the situation: I would have kicked his ass. Whether or not you are one sexual orientation or another, or whether he can tell is really no-one's business. It sounds as if he wanted you to think he was smart or intellectual. Keep in mind that homosexuals are people like everyone else, and are prone to being pig-headed assholes just as much as everyone else is. xD
Not to mention he may have been just trying to break the ice in a group he wasn't accustomed to. Not that that is a good excuse, but everyone makes mistakes. Well... I don't know if that's true. I rarely make mistakes, and they are never social situation mistakes, but I am strongest in Speech and Social Situations, whilst some people may be inept at those sorts of times. While I am not like that, I can understand him in some aspects. Maybe he acted like an ass, but he also might not have meant to act like an ass. He might have expected you to react differently or something.