for the past few weeks i've been noticing some trate's in myself that i don't like, e.g when i do something stupid, and the only one i've got to blame is myself. i usualy end up punching myself. also i bite my finger nails to the point where my fingers are left bleeding.i can't control my appetite,to the point now where i am geussing that i'm anorexic. this is because i started dieting last year and in 5 months i lost 5 stone i went a bit overboard, and i know that i am massivly under weight but can't seem to be able to do anything about it. my wieght loss has got to the point where i can't even stand looking at myself in the mirror, i even avoid showering just so i can avoid looking at myself. i hate way my body looks, im a malnurished monstrosity. My life seems to be going down the pan, my anxiety is getting worse, my anxiety attacks aree become ing more frequent to the point where i've wanted to give up on life. I would go see a doctor about this but, im scared of them i don't know why. but mind seems to be able to convince me that seeing one is only going to make my life worse. Also i just can't seem to be able to cope with lonelyness, i just want feel like somebody likes me. But i know in this mind set that finding a realtionship in this state is going to have a negative outcome. over the past few months i just fallen into desparation to the point where any relationship no matter how bad seems like a good one. the bitterness of being lonely is just becoming unbearable. I just can't seem to be able to sort my life out, to the point where i've started smoking weed again just deal with my emotions and eating porblems, i know this only going to make things worse but i can't seem to be able just sort my problems out. all i seem to be able to do is take the easy way out, but i know this is just dameging me more in the long run. i just don't know what to do, i can't conivce myself to seek help, and hiding from my problems isn't working anymore. sometimes i just feel like i just want to curl up and die, because my life just depresses me. i feel like i have no control any more like my issue's run my life and im just left here to feel the misery they create, any help much appreciated... P.s sorry about the poor spelling
You're depressed, plain and simple. Which sucks, but depression is highly treatable. Start seeing a therapist or counselor. You can move past this, I promise.
Now that sounds familiar. If you get help then things will change. It might take a couple of trys but things will get better.
Weed is a depressant drug. If you are depressed, it isn't good for you. You need to take anti-depressant drugs which you can obtain from a psychiatrist.
I'm so sorry you haven't been doing better during these last months (*hug*). I know you said you're scared of seing doctors, but I think that at this point, it's really necessary that you try to overcome this fear and take an appointment. I recall you've been opening up to some of your friends about the problems you're having a few months ago. Would it be possible for you to ask one of your friend to come with you to a medical appointment ? Maybe that would help you and would calm your anxiety to have someone who cares about you coming with you. (*hug*) Take care, Cécile
^ This. You don't have to do this alone. And it can get so much better with a little treatment. (*hug*)
Thanks for the comments, I appreciate all of your input. I'm considering asking a friend, but the prospect of seeing a doctor still terrifies me. So I'm not sure if i will be able to get past this fear, because facing problems head on is what I have avoided my whole life. I fear I might end up going into denial about my problems again if don't deal with them soon. Tomorrow I will try to pluck up the courage to make an appointment with my GP, let hope i can
Let us know how it goes. If you can't pluck up the courage, we may be able to help you find alternatives. But those alternatives won't be nearly so pleasant as what you can manage if you just pick up the phone. In support group they tell us, "sometimes the phone feels like the heaviest burden on earth, but once you pick it up your burden will become light and your troubles eased." (*hug*)
I went through the same thing last year the only difference was i was hospitalized for a few months. Since my best friend is a doctor and I currently live with him he got me into therapy the day after I was released, then I was forced to eat 6 meals a day since I weighed 95 pounds and im 6'3. After that it took nearly 6 months to get my depression under control. For this it takes a while to get through it but eventually its over but it does have long lasting effects. For instance i still cant walk 2 miles with out getting exhausted. The most i can lift roght now is mabey 15 pounds. This was all nearly a year and a half ago probably more, but im still recovering. Im luckt enough my boyfriend is staying by my side during all this. The best I can say is get into therapy as soon as possible so you dont end up with the long term effects.
I understand the fear about seeing a doctor... but talking to a friend is NOT going to help you. Your problems are serious; you have what sounds like severe depression complicated by a serious dependence on weed. You've been writing about this for months, asking basically the exact same question each time, getting the same answers each time, arguing why you can't do any of the things recommended each time, and then... lather, rinse, repeat. Let me ask you this: If you had severe chest pain, or abdominal pain, or you broke your leg... in any of those circumstances, you'd go see a doctor and get it taken care of, right? Well... your depression is just as serious -- potentially MORE serious -- than any of the above. Yet you're terrified to see the only person who might actually be able to help you resolve the problem. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Don't see a psychiatrist. Make an appointment with either a clinical social worker or a psychologist. Then start talking about your issues. Soon enough, you will see an improvement in your situation. Or, you can continue the current pattern of asking the same questions, giving the same excuses, getting no help, then starting back at square 1 again a few weeks later. I think it's time to get off the merry-go-round and push yourself just a little bit to get past the excuses and the fear... and get yourself some real help. You deserve it.
Let us know about it. And if necessary, ask your friend to take the appointment for you and tell them to make sure you go. You need to break this vicious circle and get some help. The only thing you have to do is to ask for it. If you don't think you'll be able to tell honestly your doctor about your problems, I suggest you to right them down in a letter and then to give your doctor this letter. I know you can (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
