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I've won a lesbian's heart in a raffle... ohhh crap.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by IThinkInCircles, Feb 5, 2011.

  1. IThinkInCircles

    Regular Member

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    So last night, I was going to write about this, but thought maybe the issue would resolve with a few hours of sleep and a couple bottles of water for the other party involved... but I was sooooo wrong.

    *These names have been changed to protect the innocent.

    Last night, I went to a Prism (university LGBT organization)-sponsored event for the first time in about three years. It was a dance party, and I went with my friend Clare* from my college department. Since I'd been really out of touch with that group of people for a long time, I thought we'd just hang out and dance for an hour or two, and then go home in time to get up for my normal Saturday house-call teaching route. When we get there, my friend fills me on the "lesbian drama" of the moment: Cate*, the Prism co-president, is having a row outside with her ex, who was there with her new girlfriend, blahdy blah blah...

    About an hour and a half in, Cate (who I had met 3 years back but hadn't seen again until last semester when we were in the same women's studies class) shows up, says hi to Clare, and then to me. She's happy and VERY drunk, and ready to dance. So Clare and I dance with Cate and her sister and best friend, and all through the night, people are coming up to her with hellos and hugs and it's really obvious that everyone in this room LOVES HER.

    Eventually she pulls me away from the pod and we dance and talk for a while, and throughout this, she starts spouting about how she was afraid to talk to me in class because I'm "intimidating" (I get this a lot, but I don't know how since I'm the most awkward person on earth for the most part), and then says she really likes me, and I don't know WHAT the hell to say. Somewhere down the line, we got unfriended on Facebook and I had been under the assumption that she didn't even remember who I was. So I'm kinda looking at her like "Oh? That's uh... nice" 'cause I was totally unprepared for this. And then she takes my head in her hands and says it again, adding that she's liked me all these years that I've been MIA... I find myself going into ugly past this, weirdy feelings now that, never had a relationship with a girl, etc etc etc... trying to just keep dancing/hanging out, and it gets dropped for a little bit.

    By the time I need to leave to get home to my dog, it's really clear that the vodka has kicked in for Cate. She's asked me two or three sets of questions multiple times, and she is FLIRTING up a storm. I'm trying to leave, and she's like "no, don't leave, you're fun, I really like you, I want to kiss you" and I'm like "Whoooa sugar, you're rockin' the drama boat and you're very tipsy, not a good idea." She insists that she knows what she's felt and that she's not that drunk. Anyway, I'm totally panicked at this point, because I'm NOT in a position to be doing what she wants to do. I don't want to date right now 'cause I'm trying to figure myself out and it hasn't been that long since I got out of a relationship, I don't like hookups and one night stands, SHE was dealing with plenty of drama herself at the time, and I know that if I were to lead her wrong, I was in a roomful of people that would undoubtedly kick my ass if I hurt her.

    After I finally consent to getting coffee with Cate sometime in the vague next week and she gives me the kind of hug you give your lover when he/she moves across the country for college, I manage to eventually get back in touch with Clare and we both head out. We get out into the parking lot of the hotel where the party is at, and I'm like "Dude... I am so f*cked." Clare acknowledges that Cate has indeed fallen pretty hard, but reassures me that she's really hammered and it'll probably go away by morning.

    WROOOOO-OOOOONG.

    Not only did I have a Facebook friend request from Cate this afternoon, but Clare texted me today saying "I don't know what you did last night while you were dancing with Cate, but she is totally NUTS about you!" and that Cate's been talking to her about me ALL DAY LONG. Including a text asking her if it was okay if she goes after me.

    I am so screwed. I did everything I could to be polite and convery that I was there to hang out for a bit and be on my merry way, and not to lead Cate on, knowing my own personal limits and her complicated situation, but she is still stone-cold f*ck nuts about me now, and I don't know WHAT to do about it.

    Heeeeeelp. :frowning2:

    Emm
     
  2. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    I know you probably don't think so, but I think this is really funny. :lol:

    I would just try to be really unavailable if you know what I mean. You're really busy with school and work and whatever and you just can't meet her for coffee or anything for a while. Just give it time I guess and hope that she catches on. Unless you're being outright mean to her, any interaction you have is probably going to give her the wrong impression.

    Good luck. :thumbsup:
     
  3. Moonstrike

    Moonstrike Guest

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    You already have a girlfriend and you tend to bring it up in a nonchalant manner every now and again.
    Also, If she has you added on facebook, change your status (your other half isnt on facebook) and have a message saying that you couldnt be happier and let all your friends comment. And hope she doesnt turn in to a stalker.

    Either that or just tell her the truth. You're trying to figure yourself out and you're not ready for any relationship right now. Shes a very nice girl and everything but you're just not looking for a relationship.

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  4. Flyers2011

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    Be honest with her. Nothing hurts worse than being led on. Just tell her, "I'm confused right now. And you're a nice girl, but I'm not ready for a relationship yet. With anyone. I wouldn't want to get into the relationship without being sure of it. And I don't want to hurt you." I would tell her this in person though. . . Its a lot, kinder, than through text or Facebook.

    Then you can decide if you want to be friends with her or not. And if she turns into a stalker, cut all ties with her. Unfriend her on Facebook, block her number on your phone, etc. And if you think she'lll be somewhere (like a prisim meeting) try not to go or bring someone you trust with you.

    But honesty is the best policy. And the sooner you nip this in the bud the chances of her stalking will be cut in half.
     
  5. silverhalo

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    I totally agree with Flyers2011, I think you should go for coffee with her but make sure it is somewhere public and then just be honest with her lying or making up excuses will only lead you further into trouble.
    You might just find that when you talk to her sober she will take on board what you are saying much better.
     
  6. knight of ni

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    Be honest with her. Always be honest. If you have time this week, send her a message and ask if she wants to go for that coffee. In the message, tell her you want to talk to her. That way she arrives expecting a conversation.

    Be nice, let her down gently. Tell her she's lovely, and you're flattered that she's interested. Then tell her why you don't feel ready for a relationship. Ask her to respect your feelings, and then say where, if anywhere, you'd like things to go from there (friendship, or maybe you'll meet next week for a chat over coffee again, whatever you feel comfortable with).

    That way you've laid out clearly that you don't want a relationship with her, why you don't want one, and what, if anything, you would like to have instead of a relationship. Best of all, you've been open and honest, and nobody can fault you for that.
    Good luck!