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I hate him and my school, what do I do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kidd, Feb 6, 2011.

  1. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    So, this is why I finally decided to start posting here at EC...

    I met a guy and we hit it off but it's over now and it ended pretty spectacularly. I'm not sad, I'm just really pissed off because I feel like he led me on and I feel a little played. We have a class together and we're expected to work on projects and attend the same events with one another and I feel like this semester is going to be both extremely painful and awkward and I don't know what to do about it. He was the first guy I've ever really had any kind of relationship with so I'm in uncharted waters right now and I have absolutely no clue what to do.

    He is extremely involved on campus and I'm not. I genuinely hate my university and I've hated it since the very first time I set foot on it. A vast majority of my friends are from the community college nearby and I spend almost all of my time with them. I barely know any of my fellow students and the ones that I do know from the university are his friends. I would attend the GSA meetings, but he's the event organizer and treasurer, so that is completely out of the question now. I feel like I can't do anything on campus because I know I will run into him. He's also a tutor in his spare time and I was getting ready to take my competency test so that I would be able to tutor too but now I don't know if I should. The less contact I have with him the better off I think I'll be.

    I feel like this was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I'm starting to seriously look at other schools, finally. If anyone has any wise advice to help me through the next agonizing four months, that would be welcome. :bang:
     
  2. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    First of all (*hug*) Break ups are tough things to handle and things don't get any easier when you feel hurt because the feelings don't allow you to see the bigger picture.

    The first thing you need is to get a new circle of friends. Join a club or activity at your campus. Just try it out and see if you like any of them. You can also go and join the GSA as well. You are right, working with him will probably be awkward at first, but its something that will get easier over time.

    If you want to change uni because you truly don't like it then go for it, but make sure you don't do it for this jerk. Show him that you are better than that and, if anything, he is the one that messed up. He is the one that should feel awkward around you. (which, believe me, he is probably wondering the same thing you are wondering now)

    I have actually been in the position of your ex.( Not the leading on part, but the breaking up part and being involved in campus more than him) and I can tell you that I was very impressed with my ex when the next week he showed up at our GSA meeting. We didn't talk, but I bet it took a lot from him to show up.

    Don't let the jerk ruin your time in uni :slight_smile:
     
  3. Flyers2011

    Full Member

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    Break ups are really tough. Especially when you feel like you've been led on, because you second guess yourself and all the effort you've put forth. Hang in there, it'll get better. I know it sounds overused and corny, but it's true.

    One way that you could use to get all of your emotions out about him is to write him a "letter". Sit down and start with Dear [insert name here]. And write about how he made you feel and what you felt during the relationship. Don't actually give him the letter. That way your feelings are out, but there's no chance for a fight or anything. It'll also make you analyze things deeper.

    College is a great time in your life. If you don't enjoy your time there it can just kill any passion you have for anything. It sucks. I would suggest finding other organizations that fit your interests (like an art club or an intramural sport or something like that). And if that doesn't work you can always transfer to another school, like the community college that your friends go to.

    Forget the jerk. You can do a lot better than someone who will play games with your heart :slight_smile:.
     
  4. Mogget

    Full Member

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    I was in the exact same position as you last year (still am, actually :frowning2:). Anyway, the way I dealt with it was to wrap myself up in my own social circles and to generally avoid stuff my ex was at. It's tough at first, but I think it's generally the best position to take (at least at first). After awhile, if the pain lessens* you can start spending more time around him, but a clean break at first is best.

    What does a clean break mean? It means more than just avoiding the guy. It means not obsessing about the fact that he's doing stuff you want to do. It means developing your own life so that you're happy and complete without him.

    *If the pain doesn't lessen, seek therapy. I didn't and ended up hospitalized.
     
  5. Witchcraft

    Witchcraft Guest

    It seems as if he took over your life :/ I can't really relate exactly since I never dated anyone, but I have had really goodfriends who have just randomly stopped talking to me or that I've had an argument with and never talked to again so I guess I can relate on how it can frustate you that someone you were so close with, is suddenly a stranger and the fact that you see him so often makes it all worse but I don't think it's a good idea to let him take over your life and control your decisions. I think the best thing you could do is forget that you ever had the relationship an try to find any clubs or activities that you like. :/