Hey everyone so this is kind of a rant and a question about how to move on from this. I'm fifteen and in September I had someone in my life die for the first time. It was my uncle on my mother's side. Before I continue some background about my mothers side. She is he oldest out of her sister and her (now deceased) brother. Her mother and father divorced almost two years ago because my grandmother is a narcissist. My mother's sister is also a narcissist. Both my grandmother and my aunt have addictions to accompany there disorders, my grandmother pops pain pills and my aunt drinks. As far as my uncle went, he had special needs and for the first time in his life at the age of 40 he was living on his own. Before my uncle passed away, my aunt stopped talking to my mom. We have know idea why but we never heard from her. The night my uncle died, from a heart attack the entire family went to his apartment. My mom and her sister bounded together. Now there is one more family member who place a very cruel role in this family. My great aunt. My grandmother called her sister (my great aunt) and asked her to drive in and be with her, but my great aunt said no. (See what I mean, my family is crazy). My mom is the only one who made a successful career and doesn't have narcism, because of this she immediately took on the role of planning and arranging the funeral. Finally, my great aunt came to be with my grandmother, my aunt and my mom were getting along and my grandpa was mourning. At the funeral my great aunt and my grandmother fought three times. After the funeral my mom invited her mother and sister over to our house. While they were here my aunt picked an argument with my mom about their dad. My aunt stormed out and didn't talk to us for 3 days. Finally, when our neighbours were down for dinner (a 7 year old and his mom) the phone rang and it was my uncle asking if my mom would talk to my aunt. They had a nice calm conversation no yelling or harsh words. My mom hung up and said that my aunt wanted the guest book for thank you cards and would be over to get them. Than the phone rang and I answered. The conversation went like this: Aunt: PUT YOUR MOTHER ON THE GOD DAM PHONE OR I WILL COME OVER THERE. Me: Ok well- Aunt: FINE! and she hung up. My mom became terrified so my dad stood with her and so did our neighbour, and I said I would go out and give the guest book to my aunt when she came. I went outside and saw her truck speeding down the street and park outside my house. My aunt got out and ran at me while yelling: I'm going to beat the ____ out of your mom! I put my hands up and she threw me, so I ran for the door to keep her out side. I saw my dad up at the top of the stairs so I let my aunt in and he would stop her-however he was in shock and didn't react. My aunt ran for our neighbour and yelled at her telling her to leave and get out. I saw this and grabbed the little boy and they left. At that point my aunt ran in and tried to strangle my mom. I left after that and ran with my neighbours. Finally my aunt left and the cops came to make sure everything was alright. I don't know how if I even can forgive my aunt. I know I will never talk to her again and my mom wont either. How can I just let my brain stop thinking about how much I hate her?
You probably feel like you will never forget it because it's fresh in your mind. After several months if you do not talk to her, it will probably not matter to you much. My brother has narcisism issues, and my mother's side is completely fucked. I have learned to ignore it, and the best way to do that is just forget them completely. You don't have to forget it, but you need something else to think about besides that. It will probably not be so important in your mind after awhile, and you will be able to let go of it. Preoccupy yourself with something else.
You can't, Hate, Anger and Frustration are emotions. There is not a single negative emotion that we experience because emotions help us deal with our lives. It's okay to be angry and even hateful, you have a right to be, don't fret. I don't care who you are, forgiveness takes time. Sometimes weeks, sometimes years but compassion is a strong emotion as well and I think that in time you'll start heading into that direction. But be angry now and don't hold it in, let it out in a positive way. Talk with your mom and maybe the two of you can cope together with what happened.
Thank you for all the feed back everyone. I suppose that it's true you can't simply move away from your emotions over night. Even still it is so difficult to try to understand how someone could be so terrible. I really and truly feel so bad for my Uncle, and mom. His funeral was made into a drama event and escalated to violence and my mom was the only one who behaved with any respect or appropriateness and this is what she got. I think that is why it hurts so much.
It's an unfortunate thing that those who are, really, innocent can be victimized in such a way. I can only imagine what's going on in your head... it's gotta be a whirlwind. My advice would be the same as some of those above. Don't hold in those emotions, they're valuable. It helps to express them (as said above) in a positive manner... once you've expressed a little bit of those emotions you will, probably, find that you will be able to think better. Over time it will be easier to understand what happened and forgiveness will get easier. I hope you are alright... you said you were thrown?!
