This morning during a smoke break everyone was raving over the Superbowl leftovers I brought in yesterday, and somebody commented that one of the men in my office had made the remark yesterday that it was a miracle I wasn't married already since I could cook like that. (Yeah, I know that's probably one of the most sexist compliments someone can give, but c'mon, this is Alabama. Womenfolk are supposed to be able to cook.) My female friend then said that maybe I didn't want to get married, and I feel like I totally could have been like, "Well, I'd get married if it was legal!" and kind of jokingly come out to all the people standing around, but I just kind of laughed it off nervously and scuffed my feet instead. It always makes me really uncomfortable when people point out my singledom at work, because me and the two suspected gay guys who work here are pretty much the only single people, and I know that our relationships (or lack thereof) are grist for the rumor mill. The other day in our HR office, my manager was joking on me about being attracted to one of the guys in an adjacent office - whom I'm really not that interested in to be honest, but whom I have jokingly made comments about in the past because he's very good-looking and sometimes even I fall prey to the "OMG look how straight I am isn't that dude hot!?" peer pressure - and the HR person (who knows that I'm queer and is working under the assumption that I don't "swing that way") had a grin on her face about it the whole time. I don't know, I feel like there is a lot of speculation in my office about my sexual orientation, and it kind of makes me uncomfortable to think people probably talk about it when I'm not around...I know I could end a lot of the talk just by saying something about it, but I have made a point to tell my boss my sexual orientation isn't pertinent to my job and I don't feel the need for everyone to know. Maybe I should just wear a pro-homo shirt or something on National Coming Out day this year...I just know that I work in a really conservative (read: religious) environment and that there is the distinct possibility that people will not want to work with me if they know I'm gay. They might not say anything to the effect because they'll be afraid of being accused of discrimination, but they'll treat me differently. And I don't want that. I don't know...I could use some thoughts from people who are already out at work. Extra points if you're out at work and you live in a socially conservative area.
In situations like this my advice usually is take the bull by the horns and if it gives you too much trouble kick it in the balls. I'm out at work. For the most part it is not a big deal. There is one guy that just will not shut up and runs his mouth off about everything. I tried talking to him. He just did not get it. I tried talking to my manager and she did not want to get involved. She told me to take care of it my self. I think she regrets that now. I laid down a verbal smack down that 6 months later he still has not recovered from. Now he is very respectful and professional with me, though he does limit his contact. Which is fine. In cases like this you'll find that most people that have a problem become passive aggressive. In that case you have to become active aggressive and assert your dominance. Most people will back down very quickly. Just keep in mind. Don't ever start a fight and if you decide to finish it, you better mean it.
I am totally out at work and its no big deal. Since I've been out I feel more confidant and comfortable with myself. I was outed over the summer by one of my coworkers who showed a picture on Facebook with me and my bf. If anything I gained respect from my coworkers because I was living my life and not afraid to show it. Since then, I took my bf to the company Christmas party and he met most of my coworkers. Tonight I went out with my coworkers for a company dinner and a number of them asked how we are both doing. When I tell them I am very happy, they are happy for me.
Hi there! Even though I have come out at work, I still at times feel a bit hesitant to talk about being gay with some of my co-workers or letting them know about my sexual orientation. If someone talks about their relationship, just throw in your two cents and just have it out there. That's what I did pretty much today. I told to a co-worker "I need to find a rich boyfriend" in response to a presentation on pension plans at work yesterday, and even though that worker is very supportive, it still gave me a bit more confidence and motivation to be even more myself even with those who might not be as supportive. Plus, I said it in a way as if that co-worker already knew my sexual orientation. He didn't. When I started coming out at work, another co-worker of mine said to me: "Mirko, if others can talk about their girlfriends and boyfriends, so should you. Why should you not be able to talk about a boyfriend." And I thought about it. And he is totally right. If I talk to someone, and I see that they might not be supportive or have a problem with me being me, I would still not back down, because that would mean (at least for me) going half-ways back into the closet. If someone has a problem with your sexual orientation, they need to grow up. If you talk about you, and treat it as something completely normal and treat it as if everyone already knows, the chances are, despite their religious leanings, that they might not even say something. You are taking the thunder away from them. (*hug*)
So i think its rumored at my job that i may be gay/bi/not 100% straight... or at least some people suspect. So a new coworker who i have been working with for the last month were talking tonight and i had said something about "going out" and he had asked "So where do you go? To Tilt? Or just to a bar?" (Tilt is a known gay club but is publicized on radio and a good handful of straight people show up so not what I would call a "straight up" gay club) so I looked at him, and said "Tilt is a Gay club..." and went on my way. He just looked at me and said "Oh..." So I don't know if other staff told him that they think I may not be 100% straight or he really was clueless to the fact that Tilt is a known gay club, but I plan on getting the skinny from him when I can.
