Ok. first of all, I thought I wouldn't do this in like a long looong looong time, but here I am. I came out to my parents! Long story short, they know now, I told them I was bi, they are convinced I'm not like this, they think I'm confused, They say I'm too young to know (which doesn't make sense cuz they've been telling me that I'm an grown and responsible man now). They found a website yesterday that said that your not born gay, but you unconsciously choose to be gay while growing up and that is possible to change this "disorder"; I think it may be possible (to suppress this feelings) if someone really struggles with being like this, but I don't and I don't wanna change it, I'm fine with who I am! So they've scheduled an appointment for me with a psychiatrist this Friday (that's 3 days from today), hopping he will "change my mind" and "heal" me, the thing is: 1. I'm scared as hell about Friday! 2. They're messing up with my head!! They're making me believe that what I have is "fixable" and "just a phase".They think the Gay community has brainwashed me and made me believe I'm gay. 3. I need arguments to fight against this crazy beliefs they have now! (I'm sort of clueless, that website is really convincing) 4.I really don't think I'm confident enough to stand up to them. Please, I need advice! Thank you.
Alright, whoever they are taking you to is violating the ethical standards set forth by the American Psychological Association and the psychological community at large. It isn't fixable so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. All mainstream psychological organizations and even the medical community at large condemns conversion therapies. This guy could seriously lose his license over this if he even has a license to begin with. Go to the American Psychological Association's website and do a search on sexuality. It will give you a plethora of studies and commentary that you can show them. The APA also has a pamphlet and it answers all of the most common questions about sexuality and you can find that on their website too. I think the pamphlet will reassure them and it may even convince them to cancel your appointment. If you do actually go to him on Friday, don't let him tell you that it is "fixable." You don't want to suppress it either. If you actually go to him, tell him what you told us. You're totally happy and fine with your sexuality and who you are. You have to be really firm about it and stand up for yourself. You need to find the confidence between now and then. I have the links handy, but are we allowed to post to off-site resources or not? I'm relatively new here. :dry:
Kidd's advice is good, and yeah, it's okay to post off-site resources as far as I know, as long as they don't lead to off-site personal contact information.
In that case, show them these. http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/therapeutic-response.pdf The first one goes to the pamphlet that I mentioned earlier and I think it is the one that will be the most use to you. The second one goes to a lengthy report issued by the APA and it contains a ton of useful information. The summary at the end condemns all attempts to convert anyone's sexuality. Sit them down and show them these links, and then tell them that you're happy this way and that that's all that should matter to them. You're their son and they should be happy for you. Good luck. (*hug*)
Exactly what was said he has really listed the best resource, you can also try hooking your parents up with PFLAG and do a google search about it and find your own equally convincing studies because there are a ton. And if you go in and this psychiatrist is really adamant about "converting" you then go "so would you like to get reported for violating the APA ethical standards now or later because i know for a fact what your doing will result in you losing your job if i go to the right people." Also look into your states laws about psychological health at 17 i believe you are 100% in control of your psychological health, you can refuse or seek treatment in the way you see fit legally or at least that is the case in my state. But even if you go in just don't fall for the bullshit of that site or for any bullshit the doctor MAY spew. And you don't know he could tell your parents exactly what the apa has to say. If all else fails you can tell your psychiatrist that you want to be evaluated by someone else or that you wish to refuse treatment but like i said you'd have a stronger argument if you knew the laws of your state. i don't personally remember any websites but i do remember statistics and studies i've seen. - gay males brains are more like females - more older brothers=higher chance to be LGBT - kids who gender dissociate have a 50% chance of being LGBT - I think it is if your pointer finger is longer than your ring finger (may be opposite) than you where exposed to more estrogen (i think) in the womb and are more likely to be gay - And as mentioned the APA views homosexuality as being inborn - the science community as a whole believes it to be a result of biological, psychological, and prenatal factors with hard evidence pointing to biological and prenatal influences ---------- Post added 9th Feb 2011 at 12:03 AM ---------- i'd also read that APA info so you know it and i'd make that your frontline of defense
Keep in mind, if they found the psychiatrist on some right-wing christian crazy website, then the psychiatrist is a quack who may try to convince you you're straight. The thing to know, though, is that when the APA recently (2009) ruled on this issue, a team of the best psychological researchers in the world reviewed every study they could find on the topic, going all the way back to 1960. They found not a single credible study that sexuality is a choice, or can be changed. The handful of studies they did find claiming that sexuality could be changed were incredibly poorly designed and had all sorts of methodological problems. In fact, the author of one of the most commonly cited studies that supports the idea that so-called "reparative therapy" works went so far as to publicly denounce the statements that were being made attempting to use his study to back up the statements of the "reparative therapy" crowd. If you go to an ethical psychiatrist, he will know immediately that you cannot change and won't try to make you. However... as I've said before, when you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Psychiatrists prescribe drugs, so they tend to find that every patient needs drugs. Don't go for this, and, honestly, if your parents want to pay for therapy, agree to go to a therapist (psychologist or clinical social worker, *not* a psychiatrist) that *you* choose. You'll definitely get some benefit out of this. And... 17 being too young to figure out your sexuality? What a load of crap. There are lots of kids coming out at 13 today, so 17 is very reasonable.
i really wish you the best of luck, youre not "curable" and why would you want to be? you are who you are. everybodys advice so far is spot on, but also remember that parents also kick kids out over this so try to not pose your side in an agressive way and try to find a local support system; no matter what happens in this situation its bound to be sticky...
I actually read somewhere that gay men were studied and there was a theory that they have a higher testosterone level than normal. (one of the possible biological causes of homosexuality in males)
I've heard that too I think I read somewhere that gay male embryos are exposed to less testosterone in the womb, but produce more later in life...making us simultaneously more feminine and more masculine than straight guys
Your parents are thinking more of themselves than you right now. They have a convoluted concept of the way a family should be and the way a person should grow up. This is totally, as you know by now, unfounded. At least you have a sort of community here of people who accept you for who you are. Also, just ask them to respect you and let them watch you be happy with who you are. Don't let them bring you down! (*hug*)
Thank you guys! I read your advice yesterday but wasn't able to post anything cuz I saw it in school (something happened to my internet connection), so I had to swap pages every second. I did my research (thanks for the links Kidd!), and prepared for the worst-case scenario, which amazingly didn't happen, it was the complete opposite!!! I went this morning to the appointment and the psychiatrist told my parents everything they needed to know about homosexuality. Basically this is what happened: we had a nice talk (the doc and I), then my parents came in and we all had a nice talk. THEN! my dad told the doctor he expected him to "cure" me, the doctor said that this is not something that can be cured, as is not a disease, and that there is obviously no treatment. Then my dad started saying something like: "I didn't came here for acceptation therapy, we came here because we want this to end!!" The doctor tried to reason with my father and suggested we made another two appointments, one so he could talk exclusively to me, and another one so he could talk to them only. We scheduled the appointments but I think they're gonna cancel them, cuz they didn't hear what they wanted to hear, soooooo, I think I wont see him again :icon_sad: he was hot by the way.:lol: So, right now they're looking for another doctor, one who "knows what's right", aaand I really wish them luck, cuz I know they're practically all gonna say the same thing (this psychotherapist is one of the BEST in town). I found the strength to stand up to them today so I'm really happy about that! If you know where I could find more info about the so-called "conversion therapies", I would appreciate it, I'm not giving up! Thanks again guys!:icon_bigg
Great news about the visit, not so great news that your parents are choosing to remain ignorant. Parents with a god complex toward their children are real bummers.
just hold your ground i'm glad it went well Try providing them with PFLAG links and the APA links and let them know that despite what they believe is right The whole scientific community that has taken many years to study the issue has come up with a very different understanding of it and it is one that has evidence to support it and a community of smart people to back it up xD
I'm glad everything went relatively well and I hope everything works out. Your parents will probably come around eventually. :icon_bigg
Find a PFLAG group near you. If you're able to, call PFLAG and see if someone could come and talk with your parents. Sometimes the reason parents don't want to listen to doctors is because to them they see doctors only as healers/curers. And so when they say they can't cure something, they lose faith in a doctor/doctors. On the other hand, talking to a parent of a gay son or daughter can do things because in the parent case, these people can relate to having a gay child and explain how they coped with it and came to accept it. It's just a suggestion but I hope it might work. And you'd be surprised with how far PFLAG parents will travel just to come to the rescue of a gay child. They may still come even if they're two towns away or what not. I kinda wish I knew where you were so I could search and find the contact details for ya, but I'm sure you can still find them yourself.
Be cautious. If they start looking in the wrong places, they'll find a quack who will claim that you can successfully change. And the problem is, if they force you to go, these guys can screw your head up and, while it won't change your orientation, it may mess with your comfort with yourself for who you are now, at least for a while. So I'd be very, very suspicious if they find someone else and want you to go to a different doctor. Basically, I'd refuse to go unless you check the guy out online or whatever first and find out his affiliation. Most of the quack reparative therapy people are affiliated with the American Family Association or other looney-bin religious groups, so there is generally some Google info on them. And I second the advice about pflag. You might also get your parents to watch "Prayers for Bobby."
You should meet with the Psychiatrist on Friday, and when your parents leave the room calmy and assuringly tell him that what he is trying to do will not work because you are in fact gay. Tell him that you do not want to change.
Wheeley, the current Psychiatrist that jonny is seeing is one who is educated and knows that gay is not something that can change. We're merely warning him to be careful if his parents find some quack.
