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Selective mutism

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by adam88, Feb 10, 2011.

  1. adam88

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    Hey all. I've been trying really hard recently to learn to cope with my many issues related to social anxiety. One element keep popping up - selective mutism. IE, not being able to speak at certain times.

    For me, I don't have it as bad as some. Some aren't able to talk outside of their home, for example (tied in this case to agoraphobia). With me it happens somewhat frequently, and seems to be triggered by certain subjects of conversation most of the time. What will happen is I'll want to say something, part of my brain will go "SHIT DON'T SAY THAT!!!1", and locks up. In good cases I can change the subject or wait for it to change. In the worst cases I spend several minutes, lips pursed, face getting red and embarrassed that someone is potentially noticing this and thinking that I'm a spaz who can't answer a simple frigging question.

    The more I trust the person I'm talking to, the better I can be about it. SO there are a few (not many) people I can talk to. I just get really pissed off and frustrated at myself sometimes. Meeting new people isn't difficult for me; I can make worthless small talk if I have to. Getting closer to people, showing interest in them that is deeper than cursory, THIS is what frustrates me to no end. :frowning2:

    So, I'm not sure what I can expect of this post. Maybe I just wanted to rant? See if there are others who sympathize? Sigh. :help:
     
  2. Lexington

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    This isn't something I've ever really studied, but have you run into some sort of "work arounds" online? Would you be able to say something simple like "Hm" or "Let me think about that"? Is there some sort of visual cue you can give off - putting your hand to your mouth or chin, looking upwards, like you're thinking? Or, for all I know, could you print up a small card explaining what selective mutism is, and hand it over when you get "tied up"?

    Lex
     
  3. adam88

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    It doesn't happen often around strangers, funnily enough. Or at least I can keep to unoffensive (to my "speech filter") topics around strangers. When I get it bad, it's usually around people I know who start pushing for me to speak after it starts up. If it's bad, I also literally can't talk. Sometimes I can make my mouth flap for a bit, but it's like my "speech buffer" is empty or something - I try to queue up words to say but can't get them out. Sometimes, after ten or so seconds of fishlike flapping I can produce an answer unrelated to the question, but then I get embarrassed about delaying further.

    As to online support, everything I've found is related to children who refuse to speak at school. :frowning2:
     
  4. Lexington

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    >>>When I get it bad, it's usually around people I know who start pushing for me to speak after it starts up.

    Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but if they know you, don't they know you've got this condition? If so, why would they try pushing you into that territory? If they're aware that you have this condition from time to time, you should be able to come up with some sort of physical sign to send to them to indicate "you've got me in this spot".

    Lex
     
  5. adam88

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    The thing is - they don't know I have it. I've been trying to hide it my entire life. I've only really told one person about it, and that took me the entire morning to get up the courage to do so.
    ... Damn,this feels like coming out all over agin.
     
  6. Lexington

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    In a sense, perhaps it is. :slight_smile: But I have a feeling it'll end up being a lot like coming out. To us, it seems like some sort of huge massive thing that everybody will be horrified by. And to everybody else, it's more like "oh really?" How did your other friend take it?

    Lex
     
  7. adam88

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    Pretty well.. It's a hard thing to communicate accurately, as on the surface it seems to make no sense. I still don't think she fully understands it... but at least now knows what's happening with me a bit. Which helps.

    One thing that makes it a bit awkward for me is that when I'm not being mute I tend to veer into complete chatterbox mode, especially if it's a subject I know something about like graphic design, computers, gaming, movies etc.
     
  8. Lexington

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    Hell, you can pretty much print out your first post and hand it to them. I'd say it explains the situation pretty well.

    Lex