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In Love With My Str8 Best Friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Crusader, Oct 19, 2007.

  1. Crusader

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    K this may be long so i apologise in advance lol

    Basically i had a pretty shit few years, starting about 7 years ago. i had a group of friends and we all went to and from high school on the same train etc. Well one day one of these friends (Anth) and sort of the leader of our little group decided hed open the door of the train and jump out as it was approaching the station. Well he did it and ended up getting a broken rib or two. Then when his parents found out shortly thereafter he didnt want to get in trouble so he claimed i threw him off the train, and because of this him and his parents fixed it so that i wen to school one day and i had no friends. Traumatic to say the least. Then even after i was cleared by a police investigation the parents still refused to believe. I think i was hurt most by the fact that absolutely none of these "friends" would stand up for me when they knew what happened.

    After this some serious issues arose at home EG my parents getting divorced, having to deal with my mums BF beating me up, bein temporarily put into care etc. So i struggled through life and was depressed for pretty much all of those seven years. While we werent really friends id help them out in the hope of them returning to me so i helped out with Anths gf then ross gf (same girl btw haha lol)

    So anyway about 13 months ago, i was rather troubled sat in the corner of the common room in the sixth form building. Ross came up to me and asked what was up. I lied of course but we started talking. At first it was about nothing, a shared interest in Lost. I had some DVDs he asked to borrow them, which i was fine with. and it went from there we became bets friends speaking every day him helping me through a lot of up and downs which were just around the corner. He introduced me to others who i quickly made friends with, and explained his part in the whole train incident. (He was best friends with anth and felt a loyalty to him, but both have since said the ross continually tried to gt anth to tell the truth). I was able to forgive him as his part was minimal at best

    Anyways it got to a point where i had to talk to him every day, which was easily done thanks to MSN. And having never really hade friends i thought this was normal for best friends. If im in trouble its him i call. Well hes just gt a GF....well almost. And ive never been more jealous in my life, that and i dnt see him as much anymore because im working and hes in college. And my Ex GF pointed out that it sounded like i was in love with him. God this is hard, help???
     
  2. Crusader

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    Adding to what i said before, he also decided (Only for 20 mins though) that he didnt want to hear any problems i had incase he felt he should be with me rather than this new GF. Now in mymind at this point friends should come first anyway. Am i being irrational because im kinda in love with him? Which comes first your best friends or a bf/gf?
     
  3. EthanS

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    =O i cant belive ur frends did dat to u nto standing up for u :/
     
  4. Crusader

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    yeh well neither could i and i hated them for a good long while, ross is the only one who was involved back then that i still talk to
     
  5. Crusader

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    And in addition wen he was single wed sped tonnes of time with eachother, and im finding it hard to deal with being dumped wen weve arranged to meet up so he can see this gf, am i being clingy? is there anyone out there whos been thru something similar an can help lol.
     
  6. SpikySpice

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    Well, just being cool and who you are

    when you feel jealous, just walk away, dose he knwo you are gay?

    Normally bestfriends come 1st then gf/bf, but sometiems you will need a friend moer than a bf/gf
     
  7. Crusader

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    yeh he knows`im gay. god i hate this feeling lol
     
  8. Bromptonrocks

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    Sorry to hear your story.

    The problem with relying on one very close friend, especially when you're gay, is that you can fall for them, which is what you've done. Then when they get a girlfriend what tends to happen is what you've described.

    Some best friends will put their friends first, but not all. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you any less. Have you tried telling him how you feel when he blows you out? You can perhaps come to an "arrangement" whereby he will honour any time with you or give you time to listen to your problems. When you first get a partner you tend to want to spend every living moment with them. This will pass and you'll find that your mate will then begin to give you more time. But in the meantime, you got to understand that he probably hasn't forgotten you but wants to spend time with his gf. If you come across as the jealous party, you'll show him and his gf a side of you that you won't want to show them.

    In the meantime, talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Then compromise a little. Let's know how it goes.
     
  9. Crusader

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    well hes now said that if i arrange something (and apparently on mondays, sunno y dat is lol) he wont cancel or arrange to meet up with her etc, so that may make me less irrational lol. Then again it is me so prob not haha
     
  10. Friend

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    Does Ross or anyone know that you're gay?

    It's definately hard when you have a crush on someone who is heterosexual. To be honest, he may always be straight. But would you rather have a friend to rely upon, or a boyfriend who may dump you one day? Things get awkward after relationships, and more awkward still if he's straight and you come on to him. Cherish the friendship, as someone spectacular will come along one day.
     
  11. Crusader

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    Ross is pretty much the only one who knows im gay lol. And yeh i see your point, its not worth ruining things. thanks
     
  12. ALieToDieFor

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    That question is a different answer to alot of different people.
    My bestfriend happened to be my GF.
    We are still bestfriends but not going out.
    If we were to go out agian then she would have to come first.
    Not only is she my GF but my bestfriend as well.

    In the case that my bestfriend was not my BF nor my GF I would have to say
    bestfriends come first.


    Unless ross has ever told you,you are his bestfriend I doubt it even matters to him.
     
  13. Crusader

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    He has said i am his best friend lol. And has since said he put gfs forst as that the way he was raised by his mum, which knowing her as i do i can understand. She had a fairly crap childhood and no real friends so she would have wanted to instill the idea that friends come second (if even that)