I think I've nailed down something which has been going on for quite a while. I am frequently critical of myself on a near-constant basis, almost to the point of torture. I have a virtually decimated self-image and am convinced that I am nothing more than the sum of many intrinsic defects. But I think a lot of this is anger, rather than depression. See, I've never liked getting angry at someone else without good reason. But when you envy someone, let's face it; you're angry that they've been given something at birth that you lack. I don't get angry at people who had to actually work at things (successful businessmen, etc), but what steams my broccoli is others' natural superiority. And then it falls back on me. Example A: All throughout high school, I've never dated. When I was confronted about this, I frequently went into a subdued tirade of insults levied against myself: "it doesn't help when you're a fucking frump who looks like he's been in an industrial accident." But can this really be true, or am I just angry at good-looking people and this is the way it comes out? Example B: Someone I know is passing course material faster, better, and easier than me. I start to wonder why I'm not doing as well as them: "it doesn't help when you're a fucking idiot, i have retardation, i have reasoning defects, etc". But am I just jealous of his natural abilities instead? I've basically come to the conclusion that the reason I have low self-esteem is that this is just how my envious anger manifests itself. I'm fucking pissed as hell! I'm sick of seeing other people do better than me all the time! Why don't I have their genes? But what can you blame them for when they didn't do anything? Send it back on yourself, I suppose. Did anyone else realize this about themselves? Did anyone ever consider that's what was going on? Most importantly...is there a damned way out of this?
:/ There will always be someone that will be better than you at something because no one is perfect. I guess that if you want someone to like you, you have to like yourself first and there is no point really in just talking bad about yourself beacuse that isn't going to make things any better and far as I'm concerned not everyone starts dating in highschool, I still haven't dated anyone. I sometimes feel that way too and jealous at people and stuff but then I remind myself of stuff that I have done that alot of people haven't. (I hope this helped even though I dn't have that much experience in life :/)
That actually does help, because I've done that now and then. I suppose some of us tend to undervalue what others might be jealous of from us ourselves.
Oooh ok I am not one to mince words so I am going to be blunt. First off the inferiority complex has got to go. Easier said then done sure but YOU have to do it because only YOU know yourself well enough to say what will work best. Sure I could tell you we are all special but that would be a lie. Fact is most people are mundane copies of each other to the point of laughablity. However look at what you are good at and look at what does set you apart and work on developing those things. Sure you might struggle with course work but at least you have something to show for your effort and are able to fight through it. The same cannot be said for those that literally lack the mental ability to make it or those who breeze through never really being challenge. Honestly many of those that have an easy time of it will never reach out to push their limits so at least you know where your weak points are and how you can over come them. So look at the struggle as something that makes you stronger kinda like weight lifting. Lastly the crappy love life. Ok first if you don't like your looks do something to change them. Find a good haircut, get a dermatologist appointment if you have skin issues, learn what clothing styles and colors look good on you. Really a lot can be done to improve your looks if you really feel you need it. However nine times out of ten its how you carry yourself that will kill you. Listening to the above it sounds like your emotional issues are showing and they are a put off. Harsh but true. You need to make yourself happy before you even have a chance to be happy with someone else. Take improve or speech classes for confidence, get into an exercise program or martial art to improve your physique and posture. Then get out there are try to meet people. Bomb it then get up go out and bomb it again and then again and when you are sick of it do it again because rejection happens and its not you as a person they are rejecting I mean how could you they really don't know you yet do they? They are rejecting your presentation of who you are and well the only way to improve that is to fail and fail hard a few times. Yes that parts going to sting a bit but remember its all practice any way so who cares? You can only get better with time right? I really hope this helps and that I wasnt too harsh. Keep your head up and get out there and change what you dont like. No one is going to do it for you and in the end its you and only you that has to take the bull by the horns.
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "don't compare yourself to other people." When we compare ourselves to others, we never measure up. We define our worth by what we don't have, and our self-esteem plummets as a result. What you should do is watch your thoughts, and whenever you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else say, "Stop it. My worth isn't defined by other people."
Yes I used to feel that way. I made a conscious decision to stop doing it. When I caught myself doing it, I say. Stop! Putting someone else down doesn't make you any better then them.
Yes, some guys have it all and it pisses me off too. They are the ones I usually want, but of course they are all straight since that is the ideal man in our society. I had a longer response, but lost it when my computer wasn't responding so I'm kinda pissed at that too. Anyway, I don't have advice for how to get over it other than to look on the bright side like the others mentioned, however, I feel like the ones I'm jealous of are already on the bright side so they don't have to look anywhere, unlike us mere mortals.
I think a lot of people feel like this. The grass is always greener on the other side and everything looks perfect from far away. You're jealous of other people but haven't you ever thought that they might be jealous of you? Doors are open to you that are closed to them, you just have to find them and explore them. Find your strengths and play to them. The really "smart" kids that you're envious of are jealous of someone else and they're wondering the same thing you are. I had a 3.8 GPA and I scored a 25 on my ACT and I was jealous of my school's valedictorian. He had a 4.0 and he scored a 27 on his ACT. I'm sure most people would be perfectly happy with my grades, but I wasn't. I hated myself because I wasn't him. I'm sure there are many people that went to my high school that hated themselves because they weren't me. That's life. You have to do the best you can and be happy with it, because it's all you can do. The same thing is true with your love life. I was absolutely heartbroken last week and I felt like an ugly mutant freak because I wasn't dating anyone anymore. In fact, he has already moved on to other guys and we just ended it two weeks ago. I was obsessed with my looks. I kept telling myself that if I had a stronger jawline and more prominent cheekbones, I would have his love. I told myself that if I was just a little taller and thinner, he would be with me. I told myself all of these crazy things and I was so wrong. He's just an asshole and a jerk, and no one will ever have his love. I had to stop at my Mom's work to drop off some faxes last week, and when I left my Mom told me that all the women in the office were gushing over how nice and cute I look. Your perception of yourself isn't always the reality and you never really know what other people around you are thinking. If you're unhappy with your looks or your style, change it. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Keep in mind that a relationship isn't always a guarantee that you'll be happy, and it isn't always a reprise from loneliness either. I would gladly turn back the clock and stop myself from ever speaking to some of my former flames. Now I have to deal with all of this emotional baggage when I would be perfectly happy if I hadn't met some of them. Consider yourself lucky that you haven't experienced real heartbreak yet. I really wish I could go back to that time. Change what you can and be happy with what you can't. It's that simple. Make a conscious effort to stop comparing yourself to other people, because it won't ever make you feel good about yourself.
you my friend,just read my soul and post in here :icon_bigg i couldnt tell better.mine is more like anger and depression mixed.always "why,why,why,i can't,i don't have..blablabla" sucks to be me. I have so much reason to hate myself..actually sometimes i can't find a good reason to like myself.Self hatred at best.At least you are not alone.
The whole self-hatred thing has happened to me a bunch of times too, mate. The thing you have to realize is that you can't let it get to you. You have a couple of ways to do so: A: Smile, shake your head, realize that maybe the guy is just smarter than you and it's really not your fault at all (which it isn't isn't isn't and you cannot blame yourself for something like that). or B: Change. Be a go-getter, become ambitious. Don't be shy, don't flit around someone you like just to watch another person take over. I have no way to be nice about this, so: Don't blame the fact that you didn't date on your looks. I've never allowed myself to have low-self esteem about my looks and frankly I feel like it's quite ridiculous that people do. You can't call yourself a frump just because you didn't date. It is't allowed. Lastly and most importantly, just cut yourself some damn slack. When you feel the need to kick yourself to the curb, find something you are proud of in yourself instead and focus on that. Don't let this control your life, because you are better than that. Hope this helps. (*hug*)
