so its been a very long time since i have been on EC... and well my life has pretty much gone to shit.... the last year has been horrible, mentally and physically... couple of really bad relationships which screwed me up beyond belief and then i ended up rupturing a disk in my lower back in june... but what im really here for is well im kinda falling for a guy i know i cant have... he is questioning his sexuality, he is young, he has a girlfriend and yet he lets me fool around with him... i told myself the first time that it was to help him discover who he is so that if he is gay he wouldnt lead his girlfriend on, well its been a while since then and we hang out often even though we only fooled around intimately once we have made out alot... he hasnt broken up with his girlfriend and im starting to fall for him... do i wait to see if its me he wants or do i cut him loose and see if he comes back? its just i live in a small town and this guy treats me great when were together and i dont want to lose that feeling... :bang:
I'm sorry life had been rought for you lately (*hug*) If you're starting to have feeling for him while he still doesn't know what he wants, that sounds like a situation that might turn into a hurtful heartbreak for you. I think you need to have a serious talk with him and ask him what he wants to do know. If he is not ready to break up with his girlfriend, I think distancing yourself from him and not fooling around with him anymore is in order. I may mistaken, but for now it seems that this guy wants to have his cake and eat it too. Unfortunatly, things can't work out this way for long : for one part he is cheating on his girlfriend, and for the other, no matter how lovely he is with you when you're together, he is also preventing you from having a real loving relationship. I know asking him to make a choice may sounds harsh, but for now, he may feels like he is having the best of both worlds and there is no reasons to think he would make a choice if you're not clearly stating that this situation is not OK with you anymore. Yes, that's possible that he choose not to break up with his girlfriend, and I understand that it would be hurtful. But I still think that even in that case, the sooner the better, because you'll be able to move on before being completly in love with the guy. I hope this helps a little. And if you need to talk about it, feel free to PM me or any other advisor anytime. Take care of yourself (*hug*) Cécile
Look this situation is one that can only end badly for all involved. If he wanted to be with you by now you would know it. He is probably still struggling with the whole situation himself and allowing himself to live two lives. One (the one with his girlfriend) is "Normal", safe and what everyone expects of him. The other is with you where he seems to be trying to figure out what he really wants when it comes to a partner. The fact that you are falling for him when he seems to be treating this as an experiment is only going to hurt you in the end. It could cause him to clam up if found out and will certainly hurt his girlfriend if she ever gets wind of it. This is going to hurt you and for your own benefit I recommend ending it. Stop being his experiment because it may be all you ever are and that will just leave you feeling used. He may not mean to be doing this to you but it wont change the consequences in the end.
i have no problem ending it, but i want to be his friend still and im afraid that if we are hanging out and some how it ends up just being him and i, he will want something and its really hard for me to tell him no... or anyone no for that matter... grrr im afraid i will lose his friendship..
Hi there! If you have no problem ending it, then you shouldn't also have a problem with saying 'no' to him. However, if you are finding it hard to say 'no' to him, then that is the first thing you might want to work on. The way the situation is at the moment, and if you continue down this path, the only person that will get hurt or be even more hurt at the end is you. Why do you want to go down a path that will lead you to that? I think it is perfectly alright to say 'no' while working on keeping your friendship. If you find that you can't be around him, or you find that your feelings for him are becoming stronger, then you have to make a decision as to whether it might not be better to create a bit of distance. (*hug*)
I agree with all of the advice above, and add that you should just stop fooling around with him anyway if he has a girlfriend, bottom line. That's pretty sketch and you'd be pissed as hell if the situation was reversed. Think about how it'd feel if your boyfriend was creeping around on you. That's how that girl is going to feel if she finds out about it. Since this girl has never done anything to hurt you, you don't have the right to hurt her.
