I will give you nickel if you can figure out my situation...

It looks like you are very confused :/ btw how old are you(20s,30s If you don't mind me asking)
how come when your with girls you feel regret but not when your with guys? hmm maybe you should date a guy just to see what it's like, I'm not saying you have to do anything with him but just to see if the feelings are actually true.

 

That nickel is safe. Because I can foresee a few different scenarios, any of which might be the "correct one". You don't say how old you are, but I get a vague feeling you're beyond college age, past a time when one might assume one's sexuality would be "doped out". But as Mirk pointed out, it's not always that cut and dried.

If I had to wager a nickel of my own - and this is a total guess - I'd suggest that maybe the "gay feelings" are what I consider "spice". Sometimes, especially when we're single and have to rely on our imaginations (and right hands) to fulfill some needs, we can get a bit bored with the same old fantasies. So we start spicing them up. The fantasy relationships can get more complex. The sex can get wilder, and the participants can get more "outside your type". You might start fantasizing about wilder girls, or two girls at once, or (yes) guys. Such things can help "spice" up a fantasy life that has gone somewhat stale.

How strongly do I think this is actually the case? Not very. It's simply one possibility. But as you said in your original post, this is something only you can dope out for sure. And about the only thing that will help you decide what's really going on is time. It's not like if you think harder or more about it, it'll all be made clear. You'll just have to give it time. Ride it out. If you're lying in bed fantasizing about sexual things, and your mind turns to a woman, a man, a woman AND a man. an alien, a werewolf, a gargoyle, a robot - that's great. Let it. Run with it. Enjoy it. Don't try to "figure out what it means" - just run with it, and enjoy the fantasy.

Lex

 

Watching porn is not the best way to determine your sexual orientation. It can work, but it isn't a given. Sex is, let's be honest, kinda gross. Especially when divorced from the context of a loving relationship. Personally, the part of porn that most turns me on is the kissing and cuddling bit (when included. I don't get off on porn without it at all). I started out just looking at photographs of guys kissing. I still don't enjoy anal scenes and would rather watch a passionate kiss than a blowjob.

Your fantasies are a better clue as to your orientation, which to me indicate that you are probably bisexual in the unfortunate position of being more strongly into males than females emotionally, but more into females than males sexually.

 

This isn't an affliction you can be "cured" of. Your orientation may firm up as you get older, or it may stay wibbly-wobbly(-timey-wimey*). There's nothing wrong with questioning your orientation, I think it's a natural part of the gay experience, especially if you're bi. If you're with a girl, fine. If you get naked with her and you find you can't go through with it, fine. And the same goes for being with a guy. Who knows? And it's all okay.

*Points for anyone who gets the reference.

 

I'll try for that nicklel, lol. Reading your situation is very similar to mine, so I will explain what I was going through. Tell me if right. Or close, for that matter.

For a long time, I was in complete denial about my feelings for the same sex. I always felt guilty and angry with myself for having those feelings. And when I started to finally actually acknowledge those feelings, that guilt never fully went away. I especially felt that guilt after "getting off" to gay porn. It felt like I was giving in to some sick addiction.

It's from years of conditioning. Of being taught that having those type of feelings is wrong. I still go through it from time to time but not as bad.

Anyway, you mentioned that you can picture yourself having a life and being happy with a guy; with a girl, you would feel some sense of regret. The easy way would be to narrow it down to two options:

Option 1. You are gay, in denial, and just not fully able to come to terms with it yet.
Option 2. You are bisexual in a sense. As in physically attracted to both sexes, but romantically, you want to be with the same sex.

Fortunately, sexuality isn't that easy to label, and there's a lot of gray area there. So you have to kinda go with where your feelings take you at the moment. Honestly, I think your main issue is not being comfortable with how you're feeling.

 

To me it seems like you are on the start to accepting your sexuality and going through a denialish phase. I'm going to take a guess that the confusion you have is a good bit self induced, because everyone who is coming to terms with same sex attraction goes through the moments where you could be in an orgy with 10 men and thinking "i'm totally straight."

I'm basing this on the fact that your in the bible belt partly so there is probably a large social stigma towards people with same sex attraction there. Stuff like that always makes second guessing a common occurrence. I know i would go through similar phases where i'd do stuff like watch gay porn then go "no your not gay you still like girls, if you don't shit is going to suck so you have to." In a sense the idea of sexually satisfying myself with gay things was turning me off because of all the other negative associations.

also i found that i could get off to straight porn because i could focus on the guy xD If you are aroused by girl on girl or women in general then i'd put my money on bisexual. I wouldn't be to reliant on porn with deciding it though. For example when i think about it i do stuff like compare who do i like more hottest girl i can think of or hottest guy (always choose the guy in my case xD). Or i think of who i see myself being with in the future (also always a guy). So i consider myself queer or bisexual but in general just come out as gay because my interest in women just isn't enough to motivate me to want to be in a relationship with them.

But also remember sexuality is relatively fluid so it could transition back and fourth. Also you may want to consider pansexuality if your completely or strongly dependent on emotional connection over your physical one regardless of the persons sex.

 

My last piece of advice to you... if you find the strength to come out at all, do it before you go to college. That will save you lots of stress, trust me. You don't want to make friends there and then have to go through the fear and stress of telling them as well. It's much easier just to have that out in the open when you meet them.

Good luck to you. Like I said, I read your story and instantly thought of myself. It's all about being comfortable with who you are. Although I'm not fully out myself yet, I no longer question what I want.

 

college is the best environment to come out in you can probably even look into LGBT friendly rooming options or something like that if you look into it. And while sexuality is fluid there is a level of consistency to it so you'll come to a conclusion eventually, it just takes getting past those fears and the the different levels of denial that come with that stage of coming out. It will clear up with time