So I just recently came out to my family and friends and all hell is breaking loose for me. Most my friends are okay with me being gay but some people don't want anything to do with me. The worst part though about my situation isn't my friends its my parents. When I came out to them they didn't take it well with my father almost breaking his hand punching the wall then coming at me with a violent action and I am not the type to just let that go so it turned into a bit of a brawl. Which while this was going on my mom was trying to calm my dad down but seemed like she was more accepting of it but I was sadly mistaken. Last night she told me to sit down and she said that she doesn't know how to say this but she lost her son that night. This hurt but what she said next hurt worse when she said I was causing her thoughts of suicide by deciding to be gay. I told her I didn't choose this but she just didn't believe me. But she continued to say that because I came out to them they are talking how they don't know if their marriage will last they are really trying, but to make it really work they couldn't live in the same house as me because they knew i was gay. I don't know what to do because sure I have a job but I am also a full time student who has not much of anything to him besides his clothes and car. I can't really afford to move out but if they kick me out then I will be out on the streets and I really don't know what to do and I really need some advice. Because of this I have contemplated just killing myself and not even deal with this, is life really worth all of this. I used to be a cutter really bad but stopped but know I feel the incredible urge to start again. I really need some kind of advice or just someone to talk to. This is the hardest time I have encountered in my life and really am hoping to find some kind of support. PLS HELP!:icon_sad:
Hi, First, welcome to EC, though sorry you're coming here under such distressing circumstances. The very first thing to know is that you will get through this, and a few months from now, you'll look back on it and realize that you got through it all. So even thinking about suicide isn't a wise thing... this is a temporary problem and all you need is a little help and you'll get through it fine. Likely, your parents, and your relationship with your parents, will also get through it fine. Your dad's response is indicative of someone who doesn't handle things that are outside of his control very well. I'd guess that he's used to being in control of everything and a part of him may realize that nothing he can do will change the fact that you're gay. So he may just need some space to come around. Your mom is being really manipulative and attempting to use guilt to achieve her ends. (It seems like you sort of see through this but sort of don't.) The bottom line is... their marriage is their marriage, and your being gay has no effect on it. If their marriage is really so delicate and fragile that it cannot withstand their child expressing his honest sexual identity, then there's no real depth to the marriage in the first place. But it is also possible -- and, I think, likely -- that the reason she is saying what she is saying about her marriage is because she wants to be supportive of you, but your dad does not, and that's tearing them apart. If so, that's his problem and not yours. As for your housing situation... I seriously doubt they would actually kick you out. There are lots of resources for people who are suddenly homeless, and it also sounds like you have friends, so I'm sure that one or more of your friends would give you a place to stay while you're getting on your feet. I'd start by contacting the PFLAG chapter in your area. Call and explain your situation. It is mostly parents who have gone through exactly what your parents are going through right now, and they will have suggestions, and likely resources, to help them cope, and to help you feel safer. And check and see if there's a gay-lesbian center in or near you. These organizations often have free counseling and also resources for kids who are having difficulties with their parents. Finally, feel free to message me or any of the advisor team here at EC if you would like to talk about what's going on in a less public setting.
I know it's scary when you don't know what's going to happen, but it will be all right. Even if all the terrible things you are imagining happen, you can still get through it, and there will be a good life on the other side. Please don't self-harm. As I can tell you know, it's very dangerous. Look up a help line and call if you need to. A google search should turn one up fairly easily. Sometimes it can really help to have a live person to talk to. You might give your mother the number for a suicide hotline as well, if you are worried that her threats are serious. Call some of the friends you mentioned, the ones who don't care that you're gay, and see if there is anyone you can stay with for at least a few days, just in case you need it. Definitely contact PFLAG, as Chip mentioned, as well. Remember that this has happened to other people before, and they have survived and gone on to be happy. Your pain right now is terrible, but it will end.
Thanks I think though that my mother is just lashing because of the fact that I have always been taught homosexuality is wrong and out of nowhere with me coming out they become super jesus people throwing that in my face and don't get me wrong with saying that at all I am personally a Christian also just questioning whether the "truth in the word" is really fully the truth. So I guess it makes it harder than anything being raised in a Christian home and all facing that constant rejection. And concerning the PFLAG group there isn't one in distance of me for about 80 miles and then at the fact of suicide I think my mother is saying that to get me to retract my statement more than anything. I appreciate the advice and just reading other people's stand on things really helps me.
