:icon_sad:I have known for a while now that I'm into boys but I really don't know if I want this kind of life :/ I'm certainly not attracted to girls like that, which kinda leaves me with the only option to basically just spend my years alone which doesn't sound like a happy one, even though I'm used to it anyway. Reasons for why I don't want to live like this is because I kinda don't want to loose my family and I just don't want to add more stress into my mom's life since she has alot of stress in her life right now and same with my grandmother especially since I really have a feeling that she might be homophobic and it would just shatter her completely to find out her grandson is gay. I really dont want to loose my grandma because I really love her. My mom has had gay friends in the past but it is obviously not the same if your child is the one who is gay but I have a feeling she suspects it anyway but I'm terrified of coming out to her since she ha some anger issues or shes always seems depressed and easily irratible and I wouldn't want to find out what would happen if I did. I don't have any family in Canada it's really just my mom, my sis and me who live here,I guess I also have my stepdad and his family here but I cant count count on them since my mom and my stepdad have issues with each other and I have issues with my stepdad too. I really feel alone here and I haven't seen any of my family members for more than a decade so I'm obviously not very close to them but they say they love anywaays. I just feel that if I ever came out things would never be normal and the relationship with my mother won't be as close and she and my sister are the only people in my life I can talk to about things, but my sis is only 12 and so she couldn't help me much anyway and I'm really not sure how she would react to the thought of her brother being gay. I really don't know what I should do anymore, I've already lost friends because they just don't want to be around me anymore because I came to them and I almost even lost my best friend becuase she couldn't be friends with someone who was gay, but anyways she eventually got over that but I am quite skeptical about my family reacting the same way. I would really love if someone could help me figure this out or help me make plan of a way to overcome this because I really can't stand it anymore alot of people are suspecting I am,they're always asking if I have a girlfriend yet, why do I act like that etc., and I hate cuse some of them are even giving me looks of worry or dissapointment, and I don't want this anymore :/
Hi there, you are only 16 which means if you don't think you are ready to come out, you don't have to. I am a lot older than you, and I just recently decided to come out, after I found this website. Basically, if you want to see my experience, find the thread I made called " Life's Choices ", to see how my thoughts progressed over the past 3 weeks. But long story short, I realized I was different when I was 6th grade, found out about homosexuality at around 12/13, fully convinced at 15 and made the decision to ignore it and live alone for the rest of my life. Worked hard in school for the next god knows how long, and constantly found things that I could do to replace sexual desires and romantic crushes on people so that the feelings weren't too bad. However what I finally decided last month (to come out) were several factors. 1) I was also from an immigrant family to Canada, my parents saw that I was of the marriageable age, and I did not start looking for gf, so they started looking for me to hook me up. So depending on where you came from and your cultural background, this may or may not play a role. For the last couple of years, I have dreaded returning home to visit family because it was constant streams of questions regarding my love life and them telling me which of their friends daughter they like and I should meet. 2). I recently graduated from university and started working a 9 to 5 job. My friends from school have all scattered to various parts of north America to pursue their career. Some began dating and some even got married. Basically, I lost a lot of friends. In the few hours of evening that I have, I began constantly searching for things to do. I became unhealthily addicted to video games, reading books. When I joined EC I was reading two 700+ page books per week. I was always searching for the next fulfilling thing to do, afraid of going to sleep at night, because of the loneliness. 3) My grandma passed away three years ago. I saw that my mother was able to deal with the pain of the loss because she had my father, a loving husband, and a strong nuclear family as support. I began thinking, when my parents die, let's face it, they are not going to live forever, who will I depend on emotionally? I am the only child but my cousins whom i grew up with are like my brothers and sisters. I have over these years due to me hiding my homosexuality, drifted apart from them. When I was acting straight, I was always unsure what body language and behavior was natually straight and what was gay, so i avoided these people. I was close to them until when I started university, and drifted apart with valid excuses, I realize how much I miss them. And the fear of being old and alone, also triggered a large part of this. So in conclusion, you are still at an age where you do not need to worry about your sexuality if it's a main concern for your family relationships. Focus on your personal life, of course. But as a lesson, my parents were not very happy about my revelation, but my cousins and the friends that I love, have been given the chance to grow more mature over the years, and when I finally told them, they have all accepted my sexuality with love and support. I know that if I told these same people back in high school, they would not have reacted the way they did today. But then again your generation is more accepting than mine. ---------- Post added 15th Feb 2011 at 01:34 AM ---------- http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=42397 The thread I made
Well, first of all, I want to say, it gets better. Right now you are sixteen, and it's really difficult, and you are dependent on other people, but it won't always be like that. Even if you really can't come out right now, it doesn't mean you can't ever. Even if you don't ever come out to your family, you can date, and fall in love, and have a full and (mostly) happy life. People have done it. I would personally recommend coming out at some point for a lot of reasons--the closet is a stressful place--but it is possible to have a reasonably fulfilling existence without your family of origin ever knowing you are gay. You are not limited to the two choices of coming out to everyone, or else spending your whole life alone. In a few years, you be able to leave home, and go to college or whatever your next step is. I know it seems very far away, but it is sooner than you think. Before you know it, you will wake up and be 30, and you will wonder where the years went. People say this all the time, precisely because it really feels like that. At that time, it will be much easier to pursue relationships without worrying about your family finding out. You can choose a place with a decent gay community. You can make friends with other gay people and build a support system, and then you won't have so much to lose by coming out. It gets better. I promise you, I promise you, it gets better. I don't know if you are right to be so afraid of telling your mom. Is she very religious? You said she had gay friends before. How close was she to them? Have you talked to her about them? Have you asked her what she thinks? In my experience, you don't have to worry about the 12-year-old sister rejecting you. You are her big brother. She will tease you, and fight with you, and make stupid gay jokes, and defend you to the death, if necessary. That's what being a sister means. And you are four years older, which means you are so much cooler and better than she is. If you were to tell her something that was obviously your biggest secret, she would feel very important and special.
Maybe you could write your mom and sister a letter coming out to them, but don't give it to them, then get rid of it and do it again another day. When you feel ready you should give them the letter. I will get better, don't worry we are here for you. At least you have your biological mom, mines dead i never knew her my dad is in florida, i never knew him either. Im adopted and i hate it. I have no family connection. But i have learned to live with it. Good luck.
No one asks to be born different, especially in those teen years when everyone is trying to "fit in". When your a kid everyone wants to be like everyone else, but once you grow up (seriously like over night) everyone then wants to stand out from the crowd and be different.
I'll think about doing the letter thing though I would rather talk to her face to face though(but I'm kinda scared she might just slap me cuse she'll think I'm being stupid or something) but if I do, do that then I would wait until I live on my own( I'll let u know bout it k ) It's not really about me trying to fit in (I gave up on that like years ago, lmao)I'm always trying to standout from every one, but it has nothing to do with that, I just don't want to feel rejected by my family :/
