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Should I send this to my mum?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Aya McCabre, Feb 16, 2011.

  1. Aya McCabre

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    I met my mum for lunch today and she noticed the 'proud to be a lesbian' patch on my bag. I originally came out to her as bi - I wasn't sure about anything and I would've liked to have a bit more time to figure things out but I was seeing someone and I didn't want to hide that. I thought I'd made it pretty clear since then that I now consider myself a lesbian, but apparently she hasn't got the message. Even when she saw the patch I think she still thinks I'm bi. And she doesn't get why I have the patch or why I have to tell people or any of that.
    I know what I want to say, I'm just not sure if it's too strongly worded. I'm hiding a lot of things at the moment that my parents CANNOT find out about, so I don't want to rock the boat too much, but I don't want to hide this either.

    What I want to say:

    To clarify: I am a lesbian. I originally came out as bi because I was unsure but didn't want to hide the fact that I was seeing [name]. It's not uncommon for people to do this.
    I have that patch on my bag because I'm sick of hiding. I know you think it will lose me friends but I don't think you understand just how much we're expected to censor ourselves. Every day you hear people talking about their partners, and random people like hair dressers ask you about yours.... using gender specific pronouns. Every day you see people holding hands in the street or wearing tshirts that announce their heterosexuality (for the girls: "I'm single but don't tell my boyfriend", "Maneater". For the guys: "Ladies man", "To women, from God". I've seen all of these for sale). If I even did one of those things, or used a gender specific pronoun once, suddenly I'm rubbing it in people's faces. If I want people to use the correct pronoun then I have to correct potentially dozens of people every week. And it's not accepted. I know you think we have it good and in truth this is as good as it gets for us, but it's not equal. It's not even close. We have to watch every little thing that we do, and if we dare to act the same way as a straight person does we get told we shouldn't be so out there. You accept us, but only if we hide everything from you. Don't ask don't tell is pretty much a social norm.
    So that's why I have that on my bag (and it's not the only place I have it either). I'm done hiding. I don't care if people avoid me because of it - I'm done hiding. I just hope you can respect that.

    Opinions?
     
  2. Ethan

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    Beautiful. :slight_smile:
    Highlighting the fact that straight people are "out there" with their relationships moreso than gays should help drive the message home even better.
     
  3. Ridiculous

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    It's very good. In fact I'm tempted to steal it for myself :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: (don't worry, I won't).

    The very last few sentences might come across a little strongly for me, personally I'd make the closing statement a little more softly worded, but that's just me.
     
  4. Witchcraft

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    Wow, I wish I had the guts to be like that :/
     
  5. Darkwing65

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  6. midwestblues

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    It's great. Strongly asserted but respectful. No need to change a thing.
     
    #6 midwestblues, Feb 16, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2011
  7. Ianthe

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    You might also mention what it means to be visible as a lesbian to other lesbians. I don't only mean for potential romantic interests--it makes lesbians feel less isolated and excluded from society if we can recognize other lesbians in public. And maybe most important of all, what it means to closeted gay people, who are frightened and alone, to see someone who is out and unashamed, just going about her everyday life.
     
  8. V128

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    I concur with this post. It's very good, and I'd, honestly, never thought about the point about "gender specific" stuff all over the place. It's true.

    The ending is pretty firm, maybe even aggressive. If you want to tone it back a little bit you could simply take the "just" out of "I just hope you can respect that." That would change it to "I hope you can respect that." It sounds more sincere and less f**k-you-ish. :lol:
     
  9. Aya McCabre

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    I ended up taking the 'just' out of the last line as well as the repeated sentence.... and somehow sending it without putting the name in at the start. *hides*
    I think she got the point though. She tends to overcompensate in her replies to these things so I'll have to wait and see how her behavior backs up what she said.
     
  10. collegeforfun

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    Love it. Def give it to her.