I have two emotional issues that interfere with my life. I feel like they ruin my mental health and certain aspects of my life. I will be trying to schedule an appointment for counseling soon. So in the meantime I figured why not ask for advice/comments from the wonderful support on EC. I am a person who needs people, particularly someone close. When I feel the weight of loneliness, I suffer mental agony. I can be somewhat critical about whom I'm really interested in. Then someone great comes along who seems so compatible. I get easily attached and it doesn't work out. Story time: The past week or so I have been off EC. I met a guy online who lives in Charlotte, NC. He is 29 years old, rather out of my general age range. Furthermore, he is in a relationship with a 22 year old. (If it went well for all three of us, I would have potentially started a polygamy with them). This guy and I had been chatting online and via texting for a while, like roughly a week or two. Everything was going so smoothly. Then we decided I should visit. So I went on Friday (Feb 11) and returned home yesterday (Feb 16). I had a great time, but I prevented myself from being happy in the moment. I focused on the negatives and what if it never progressed. I became sad many times. It seemed to go well overall, though, but apparently not well enough. They ended up not romantically interested in me, and only physically interested if anything. Well I felt something for him/them. So I was at their house playing a game while they were at work a few days ago. Depression struck me like a rock. I stopped playing, paced, and started breaking down. I cried my eyes out. Yesterday after getting home I cried two or three more times throughout the day. It isn't the first time I've been heartbroken like that, though perhaps one of the worst breakdowns. Boredom from no job and no work, from not getting out, is certainly a huge contributor to everything. I have hardly any friends, and only one I could even remotely call a regular friend. The friends I did have in high school are scattered and faded. I know I'm unstable. I know I need counseling, and possibly medication. I have taken too long to seek assistance with this. So I have worked my :***: off to get something in my life. In summer it seems set for me to return to school. And I'm afraid that if I didn't have at least that, I may have had even less reason to live. But thank gosh I'm strong enough. Please help me. Advice and comments are greatly appreciated. I have heard, and already know, the obvious "you should find something to do regularly," though. So please don't give me something of that sort, as it isn't very helpful.
Mr. Quantum. I have a suggestion for you, as a exercise to put your situation into perspective. Use point form and describe your current feelings and situation. Then write down where do you want to be in a year. Then look at your current situation and compare with the desired situation. Ask yourself why you are not there? When you put down a reason, then ask yourself why based on that reason. Keep asking the question based on the answer to your previous question until you reach the root cause of the problem. Anyway, I hope this allows your mind to unravel the true explanation for your discontent.
(*hug*) I know how you feel I too find it hard to make friends and have spent a majority of my life as a "loner". Just get out there and talk to people, I know that's kinda hard to do but I did that and made a few friends considering that I am a very shy person, and I did get people not wanting to talk to me and stuff but it didn't matter anymore cuse I at least knew I tried and if they wanted to act all bichy then that was their problem. I really hope the best for you (*hug*)
A few things to throw out there. >>>I am a person who needs people, particularly someone close. When I feel the weight of loneliness, I suffer mental agony. I can be somewhat critical about whom I'm really interested in. Then someone great comes along who seems so compatible. I get easily attached and it doesn't work out. I sort of understand this, but it sounds like you might have mentally drawn a picture of your next boyfriend or bestest-friend. Not necessarily physically (although you may have done that too) but "he'll be into these things" or "he'll act like this". And then when you find somebody you think fits that picture, you just move ahead and try to make that person take over that mental picture. Thing is, it almost never works that way. All of my good friends (and boyfriends) haven't ever fit any mental image I had of what one might be like. In fact, my partner probably couldn't be any different from my original mental "ideal boyfriend" if he tried! So what happened? Did I decide it was hopeless? Force myself to attach myself to the first available guy because "I couldn't do any better"? Nope. The answer is much simpler. I fell in love. And I fell in love with him because I kept my options open. I wouldn't ordinarily have a "thing" for somebody who looks like him, or is into the things he's into. But I gave it a chance. I kept interacting with him. And fairly quickly, we started clicking. We were on the same wavelength. And falling in love came pretty quick, too. In a sense, my friendships have developed the same way. I meet people of all sorts. I meet businessmen and bohemians, punk rockers and pro athletes. And many I simply don't click with. And others I do. On various levels, and to various degrees. Some I become causal acquaintances with, others I become casual friends, and others I get really close to. I do my part to help the relationships along, but it does seem like most relationships tend to seek their own level. You can't force a friendship if the chemistry isn't there, or if the other person isn't interested. So try not to narrow your choices down too much. Meet people. Interact. Don't expect anything more than potentials. Maybe this person won't be any more than a casual friend you can talk sports or music with - so be it. We all need people like that in our lives, too. But see what happens. Do go ahead and schedule an appointment. I've done it. And I'm not ashamed in the slightest of it. We all have health issues. If they're minor - a cut finger, a cold - we deal with them ourselves. If they're not - a broken bone, a major illness - we realize it's something bigger than we can handle ourselves, and we go see somebody who specializes in these things. Mental issues are precisely the same thing. If they're minor, we deal with them ourselves. But if they get too big for that, the smart move is to go see somebody who specializes in these things. So go. Life should kick ass, so let's get you back to a place where it can. Lex
