I keep telling my friends things like "we're not like them we're different" which is probably true our group is different but its just because we've known each other for some time and we care about each other. We don't try and compete with one another like a clique or nothing. But when I say things like "we're not like them, man" I can't help but feel that its really just me who's not like them. All my friends are straight males and I assume most people assume me to be a straight male. But I know I'm different. I just want one of my friends to ask already. Like dude are you gay? Just so I can answer "I don't know" or "I'm not sure" or "does it matter?" And its like I keep hinting that I might be queer and its starting to drive me crazy. Tonight some guy walks by and I'm a little drunk so forgive me and I say "what an unnatractive male" And my friend replies "dude he's gay" I don't even know what thats supposed to mean lol. I mention something else about shaving my legs a bunch of "queer" shit. I hint at these things all the time. And its not like I can come out. I know I like girls. They are beautiful. But I know I'm not really straight or gay or bisexual defintitly not asexual. But its just confusion.
You've dangled all sorts of bait, and nobody's biting. If you want to get this out in the open, stop waiting for them to confront you (especially if you plan on answering "I don't know" to the "I'm gay" question - that'll just make the water muddier than it is). You DO have the power to make this stuff known. Just bring it up. Either individually or in a group situation. "Look, there's something I'd like to talk to you about." Lex
I agree with Lex. The only way that they're going to know is if you share it. Dropping hints doesn't usually work the way we want it to, so if you really want to talk to your friends about it, you're going to have to bring it up. It's hard, but then at least it will all be out there. (*hug*)
Sometimes just to talk to someone about it--especially a real person you know--can help clear up the confusion. Before you talk to anyone about it, it only exists inside your own head, which can make it really difficult to know how much of it is "real." It can be very disorienting. So, talk to a friend honestly about what you've been experiencing. You don't have to determine a final category for yourself beforehand. Just tell someone what you've been going through, including how upset you are about it. Choose someone who doesn't think being gay is something that can be cured, though. Someone you trust, but it doesn't have to be your best friend. (Sometimes it's easier if it's someone you're not as close to.) You could also try looking for a support group in your area--figuring yourself out is part of what people do in those, and it would help you to see that what you are going through is a common experience. Since you are an adult, there is no reason anyone in your life would have to know you were going to the support group. Even if someone you know saw you there (unlikely), that would mean that they were also going to the support group, and anyway, support groups of all kinds normally have confidentiality rules.
