I was talking with my younger sister the other week and she said that the week before my dad and her were just sitting there watching tv when he said "You think your brother is gay? Is that why he hasn't dated any girls before? I wonder what's up with him" She didn't say anything to him but rather changed the subject. I'm wondering if he knows or not and if so does that mean he is alright with it? My younger sister says that I should tell him because she feels that he feels he is shut out of my life. Obviously I'm not trying to keep my dad in the dark in any way, shape, or form but it's not an easy thing to talk about. My dad is the only person that I haven't told in my family because he always used to bash on gays full force when I was younger. My younger sister told me that since he moved away that he has softened alot and that he isn't as harsh as he used to be. I don't really get to see my dad since I'm at college and only go home for summer and winter break. It sucks not being able to talk freely with him in the little time we have together. What should I do?
I don't think your dad is going to have a negative reaction based on this story, it sounds like he is trying to figure out without acting asking you. It might be weird, but I think it's kind of a respectful way to go about it. He probably figures if you're out to anyone in the family, it's your sister. Lots of people come out to their siblings before their parents.
I think he knows or strongly suspects. And the fact that he's softened on his gay bashing is probably a direct effect of having been thinking about it for a long time. One of my friends, his mother is very religious and was pretty anti-gay. So he didn't tell her when he started going out with his boyfriend, but over time it became rather obvious... he was always showing up with his "friend" in tow to family events, he never talked about girls, and so forth. By the time he came out to her, a year later, her response was "I knew it!! I'm glad you told me." and everything was fine. I suspect it will be a similar thing for you.
Most parents know. Im sure it crosses his mind allot it, but it doesn't mean he loves you any less. Parents have this tendency to know for years with out saying a thing. It might now have been what they had planed on, but who looks down at their baby boy and thinks "wow your going to be with a nice man one day" but hey if everyone in your family supports you, then he will too. If anything he will respect you more for coming out to him then him finding out from someone else.
Parents don't think and ask about their children's orientation. So probably your father figured it out.That's a good thing, at least he won't be shocked.
I think based on the story that your dad thinks so. If you're looking for ways to tell him, I would ask your sister, or mom etc. for some ideas.
First, your sister rocks! Yeah, I think the fact that your Dad is worried/concern enough about you that he asked your sister is a good sign. I'd talk to others who know that your gay and know your Dad well to figure out how to deal with him. I think for gay males... telling the father is sometimes the hardest. But its good that he is concerned, and I think he knows that he might be behind the curve in figuring this out.
I think the time is right to come out to him since he already suspects. Maybe you should send him a letter or talk to him through webcam or on the phone if you don't see him all that often, but just make sure to do it when you sister or mother is around him so that just incase he takes it hard, he will have someone to comfort him :/
