I'm thirteen, lesbian, and I've been meaning to come out for a while now. I've told two friends in real life and a handful online, because it's unlikely that I'll ever meet them. Then I met someone online, on Deviantart. Actually, I met her through something that she posted about 'gay angst' and whatnot. So I commented empathetically and shrugged it off as a gay to gay thing. Just...support. I looked at some of her stuff and she looked at some of my stuff and we became friends. And then...yeah. I guess the rest is pretty predictable? I'm seeing her online. Stupid teenage love. *shrug* Before anybody says anything about how dangerous internet dating is, I Skyped her before anything got serious. She's legitimately NOT some fifty year old pedo out there for laughs and masturbation, heh. She's for real. But...now I'm in deep shit. Because I want to meet her. So bad. And it's not as though she lives all that far away, either. I live in Upstate NY and she's somewhere in New Hampshire. Only one state in between us. It's taunting, really, to know that we're really not that far in the big picture of everything, but at the same time we're so fucking far apart. But in order to meet her, I'd have to tell my parents. We've been trying to rig something secretly, like me trying to tag along on my friend's annual trip to Martha's Vineyard this summer and 'coincidentally' meeting up there, a'cause her family goes there a lot. But, I mean, the chances of that working are relatively slim, so I'd need to tell a parent in order for anything to go down. And then there's the matter of the age difference. She's fifteen; a sophomore. I'm thirteen. Eighth grade. We shrug it off; it doesn't matter to us. But to the rest of the world? A high schooler and a middle schooler....dating? Legasp! What is this blasphemy!? So yeah. That poses a problem. Then there's also the whole matter of how both of our families are Catholic. The Catholic faith doesn't exactly 'condone' homosexuality. I doubt that my mom'd understand. Ever. I mean...she's the really Catholic one. My dad, however, grew up as a Unitarian Universalist, so that doesn't impact him greatly. I was talking to him a while back, when it was just the two of us in the car on the way back from Church school when I was crying and trying to explain to him just how stupid the people there were [Because they're genuinely idiots and the class is genuinely pointless. Not the priest and peoples, just....the idiots that go to school with me. I always come back with a killer headache and no motivation to do anything but cry. Sounds whiny and stupid, but, I mean...ugh. I guess that's all I am these days. Whiny and angsty.] Anyhow, he said that he himself still isn't a 'strong' Catholic. I asked him if he 'became' one only so that he'd be able to marry my mom, and he said that 'he certainly wouldn't have if he hadn't met her', which meant yes in dad-speak, heh. So I've been thinking. The chances are really, really slim no matter what I do, of us meeting before she's eighteen or at least gets her driver's license or something. But...my dad...might understand. I know that it's a bad idea to come out to one parent at a time, because of jealousy and tearing apart their marriage and stuff, and I also know that I shouldn't bring up a significant other of mine in the process of coming out because it can make them a target of parental anger and whatnot [Yes, I've done my research on this and looked at all possible outcomes.] but I'm desperate. I love her. And that's so cliche and everything, but rules just don't apply with us anymore. Social barriers, anyhow. We don't care about the age difference or the fact that people'll look at us funny when we kiss in the street and stuff...but it'd just be perfect. I need her. And I gotta do something. Advice much needed, please.
Hey, welcome to EC. Sounds like you came to the right place. First of all, the "age gap" you're talking about is REALLY no big deal. You're only two years apart and soon you will be in high school too, right? The older you get, the less the gap matters. It only seems like a big deal now. Second, if you're not ready to tell your parents that you're gay, that's fine. Not being ready for that is okay. Is there any way that you could tell them that you want to meet up with this girl anyway? I'm not saying lie about wanting to meet her or what you're going to be doing, but does it really mean that you have to tell them you're gay?
Yup, I get the whole age gap thing. Right now it's "huge" but in ten years it's strange that we're that close. Lol. xD I've tried the 'my friend from New Hampshire' thing and they shrug it off. As far as they're concerned I've got enough friends and everyone on the internet is a pedo creeper. So....I don't know. I wish that would work. And if I bring her up any more often than I do now, they're going to suspect. ...would that be so bad, if they suspected? At this point I'm beginning to wonder...
Maybe consider coming out then? I mean, no pressure, seriously, you're young and you don't have to do it if you don't feel like you're ready. It sounds like you're not probably going to get anywhere unless you really tell them and even then it might not work. In the meantime, if you're really serious about this girl, keep in contact. If your feelings are that strong and long-lasting, you'll figure out a way for this to work, even if sometimes it's hard. I know that that doesn't sound like much advice, but seriously, if it's going to work out, you guys will work it out. Good luck (*hug*)
You are right about the age gap, sadly. If she was 22 and you were 20 no one would care. But because she's 15 and you're 13 it doesn't sit right with people. I've dealt with the age gap thing myself and it makes dating in high school a total bitch. I suggest staying her friend for now. And when you're both older (and you've figured things out) maybe you guys could have a relationship. It would be way to hard right now, long distance relationships hardly ever work out. Especially ones in people who are school age, I've been there. It would be a lot of stress on you (and by extension this other girl) and it could ruin a friendship with someone who knows what you're going through. And what would happen with this girl if you met someone from your hometown or somewhere closer? You have to keep that in mind too, because it could seriously limit your social life. You would limit it because you would be afraid of meeting someone when you're committed to another person. I know it's scary but I would suggest coming out to at least your dad. If you were to meet up with this girl and something bad were to happen (even if it's not this girl's fault) it would be better if someone knew where you were and why you were there. It's always better to tell your parents then to let them find out because they catch you with a girl. I've been the girlfriend to that person and it's not a pleasant experience, I can only imagine what it's like being that person.
