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Does anyone here hate at times being gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by fiddlemiddle, Feb 24, 2011.

  1. fiddlemiddle

    fiddlemiddle Guest

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    Quite an while ago I came on this site and it influenced me to come out. I was under an different user name. Now I gettting to stage where I get to dislike myself as being gay. I find men can be real jerks, are sex obsessed and always send mixed signals.

    When I was dating women I never really had that problem however I was not sexually attracted to the girls or women.

    If I took an straight pill then alot of my problems will be over. But I seriously now thinking of going to dating women again. At least I dont need to deal with the emotional baggage I always have had when I have dated men. Judge me if u wish but my life is not happy being gay.

    If only I remained in the closet and not associating myself with other gays there then I would not have been hurt as much as I get.
     
    #1 fiddlemiddle, Feb 24, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2011
  2. RaRa

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    Nope. Never. Being gay is the shit.

    Let us know how the whole dating women thing goes. I suspect it doesn't go well. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. TheDarkerPoet

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    Yeah, I have to agree with RaRa on this one. I'm sorry to not be very understanding, but I've always been proud of my sexual orientation and accepted it.

    Dating women is not a good idea if you aren't attracted to them. Not all guys are jerks. And I apologize if this comes off as harsh, but nobody said being gay would be easy. It's much easier if you accept your sexuality and go with it.

    If guys turn you on, go get 'em tiger. I'm sure you'll find somebody :slight_smile:
     
  4. fiddlemiddle

    fiddlemiddle Guest

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    Well I have been attracted to an few women sexually in the past but that was an long time ago. Anyway I just wontrule out beign with an woman in the future.
     
  5. Zontar

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    I've sat down, thought about my attraction to guys, and realized that even if I do turn out straight some day...I'd miss being attracted to guys. There's something strangely fulfilling about being bisexual. I suppose that means I'm where I should be.
     
  6. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Have you not heard of women CONSTANTLY complaining about how annoying and unemotional men are? Same thing with guys. What bout the saying "you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them."

    Everyone has relationship problems. It doesn't matter if you are gay, straight, lesbian etc.

    Your problem doesn't come from associating yourself with other gay people. Your problem comes from associating yourself with jerks who just happen to also be gay.
     
  7. Z3ni

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  8. Revan

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    LOL I'm sorry, I'm sorry to sound like a jerk, but dating women is easier than dating men? Ask any freaking straight man, and they will tell you that dating a woman is hell. The same with asking any straight woman about dating a man. EVERY form of relationship has emotional baggage, it just depends how you handle it. In the case of you dating a woman being a gay man, you might only find there's no baggage because it will always wind up more as a friendship than relationship. I'm sorry to tell this, but if you date a woman, and are truly gay, you'll never be able to make it work. I've dated 9 girls when I thought I was straight, and they never lasted long, because there wasn't the connection a relationship needs. Do you understand? Don't lie to yourself dude, cuz otherwise it just is very unappealing and it hurts not just you, but the girl you date as well.
     
  9. fiddlemiddle

    fiddlemiddle Guest

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    Yes however in my experience always with men they always have some f**ked up issues ones I have really being involved with, and to an lesser extent to women I have dated.

    I also have been used so many times with guys, and very rarely with women as I now trust women alot more.


    Even lately I have knocked down an hot looking guy who was keen on me because of my experiences with the previous men I have been involved with.
     
    #9 fiddlemiddle, Feb 24, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2011
  10. Aya McCabre

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    All relationships are stressful, you can't avoid that by switching genders. There's a reason most relationships don't last.... You just have to keep looking.
     
  11. fiddlemiddle

    fiddlemiddle Guest

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    Well I used to be really proud of my sexuality and accepted it and that was nearly 2 years ago but as time goes on these feelings have changed. I still accept it but I wont say I proud of it.
     
  12. BlueDuck

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    It sounds to me you just had better luck with your girlfriends than with your boyfriends. I also think that if you just lay low for a while, you will be proud of your sexuality again. You can't change it, might as well embrace it! :slight_smile:

    And... Please don't give up on us! *makes puppy dog face*
     
  13. zeratul

    zeratul Guest

    LOL I just have to say I feel sorry for the women that you will run into and ruin their lives for then.
     
  14. Aya McCabre

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    This kind of reminds me of the girls who finally leave the guy who was hurting them and decide they're turning lesbian because every guy they've ever dated has ended up punching them. The problem is that they fall for the same sorts of people every time so they end up being hurt by a girl... But without the emotional/sexual connection they used to justify it. Ever tried leaving someone by saying you were gay before but you wanted to be straight but it's not working cos you're gay? It's guaranteed to get messy.....

    Yeah not worth it.
     
  15. Ianthe

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    I don't think it's a good idea to date someone you aren't attracted to. I don't think it's fair to the other person. If you pretend to have feelings you don't, I kind of think that's wrong.

    If you should happen to be genuinely attracted to a woman, then I think it's fine if you date her, but I still think you should be honest with her about yourself. I especially think you should tell her if you suspect in advance that your attraction to her is likely to be a passing thing.

    The realization that one's partner does not really find one sexually attractive can be very painful. Many people find their partners' attraction to them to be an important affirmation of their self-worth.

    I, personally, have come to a point where I embrace lesbianism as a positive part of my personality.

    I think you've just had some bad experiences. It's possible that you were less likely to be hurt when you were dating women because your feelings for them were not as strong.

    It can be more difficult to find a partner as a gay person, because you meet far fewer potential partners by accident through work and so forth. It's not that you can't meet someone that way, it's just less likely than it is for straight people. Most straight couples I know met without really trying--they were taking a class together, or they were coworkers, things like that.

    While it's true that men are more likely than women to be looking just for casual hookups, it's really the singles dating scene that is the problem. Straight people will tell you, too, that bars and clubs and dating sites on the internet are all flooded with people who aren't looking for anything serious. The environment in bars and clubs, especially, is not the best for making any real connection to people. This is a problem in any singles scene, but it can be more frustrating for gay people, because in a lot of places the singles scene basically represents the only established venue in the community where you can go to meet other gay people.

    Because of this, there are people on the Internet all the time complaining about how everybody is just looking for a hookup, and they really want to meet someone for a real relationship, but it seems like all the gay people in the world are a bunch of "slutty whores," as I recall one poster putting it. People respond by explaining that bars and clubs and online dating sites are lousy ways to meet people, but the alternatives they suggest are usually vague and not especially helpful (when they suggest any specific alternative way at all, instead of just being like, "bars suck, dude").

    I'm going to try to be as explicit as possible: what you want to do is to either find or create activities groups for gay people. Preferably, it will be an activity that you are genuinely interested in anyway. It would be something like a queer book club, or a gay mens' hiking group, or whatever you're interested in, but for gay people. I recently joined a lesbian choir. If nothing exists in your area, you can start one, and then it can be whatever sort of thing you want. You might consider what sort of things would be interesting to both you and the kind of guy you're looking for.

    Another thing you can do is to get involved volunteering in the gay community, or in political organizing.

    This sort of thing will allow you to meet gay men and get to know them properly, in a way that provides a real foundation for a relationship. When the subject of dating or whatever comes up, be honest about what you're looking for. That makes it much more likely that someone looking for the same sort of things will become interested in you.

    If you get to know more gay people as friends and expand your social circle, you are much more likely to meet someone you can have a serious relationship with.
     
  16. TheJoker

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    fiddlemiddle, obviously you haven't met me yet :lol:

    By the way, you don't have to be in relationship all the time.Hang out with them until you find someone okay.
     
  17. fiddlemiddle

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    :lol:

    well I should lower my expectations.

    I have gay friends and proud of them. But I not at all happy. I have never had an sucessful gay relationship or one that is truly worth it. But when I look back I never really had an real gayrelationship judging from what my friends have had or have now. if I look back all I see is heartbreak and pain and finally when I hit it off when the next guy comes along the cycle repeats itself and I end up more hurt than the last one.

    I do like meeting people. I have not much trouble having hot guys trying to hit on to me either even though I believe I look plain and at the last gay bar I lost count on the amount of guys trying to get my attention. I just wonder why guys can be such jerks.
     
  18. TheJoker

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    Yeah, I think one of the reasons is gay people really couldn't able to maintain teenage years like straight people did.Many of them dates after 20's so it might takes a lot from maturity.I guess they want to live fast because of waste years.If society was cool about gays, there would be more cool gay people.

    Also in bars,people usually intend to hitting on somebody.It is not about being gay or straight.In bars,maybe with some liquid courage,music,socializing, people want to have fun,flirt,become more cheeky and less serious.

    About trust issues,i have been fooled by straight girl.i fooled straight girls.me and straight girls fooled their boyfriends. So do not trust genders.Girls can be as jerk as boys can be.

    My pathetic advise,if you want find a nice person, try to hang out as much as you can. (as friendship or flirt) If you spend enough time, you can see who is jerk or who is not before getting into relationship.Even straight people having hard to time find good partners.And they are the majority.
     
  19. Ianthe

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    You have not really addressed my suggestion that you would be better off meeting guys in social groups for gay people that center around a common interest or activity, rather than trying to meet people through the singles scene. I'm sorry if the length of my last post made it too confusing.

    In another thread, you said something along the lines of, "Why can't guys just be friends with me first? Why is it always about sex?"

    The singles scene is about dating and sex. Therefore, when you meet people in that venue, that's what's on top of their minds.

    If you meet people through another kind of social venue, it will not be all about sex. You will be able to establish friendships that could potentially become romantic relationships, which is what you seem to want. If it's a social club organized around something you are genuinely interested in, then you will already have a known common interest to build on.

    Are there any hobbies or activities you are interested in? Were you in any clubs or anything in high school or college? Extracurriculars of any kind?

    Please stop saying over and over that guys are jerks. It isn't true, and it's just an excuse so that you don't have to do anything differently to change your situation. If women didn't hurt you as much, it's because you didn't care as much about them. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness.

    Maybe a better question to ask would be, why do you keep choosing guys who are jerks? When people get into bad relationships over and over, it usually means that they are attracted to people who are bad for them, sometimes because they unconsciously want to "fix" a bad relationship from their past, perhaps in their childhood. Were your parents faithful to each other?
     
  20. collegeforfun

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    I wish I wasn't at one point in time but now that I am proud no. I hate I hurt my parents but its my life and its who I am. So why hate it?