So I am out to about 10 people, but I haven't told anyone in a relatively long time. I told all but one of these people before I told my parents. I told my Dad, and it didn't go fantastically. He definitely doesn't seem to want to accept it, but he isn't necessarily homophobic. I think more or less, he doesn't believe me. My mom, well, that went way better. As far as coming out, it has been one year to the day since I told the first person. And I really would like to come out to everyone. But my parents (my dad) don't really want me too. I want to come out mainly so I don't have to worry about hiding it, and so I can do it before I go to college. But I'm just generally sick of hiding it. I feel like I'm ready to face it at school. I'm 100% gay.. so it isn't like I'm not sure. Any tips, advice?
You told your parents,that biggest step after coming out to yourself.You don't have to scream to everybody that you are gay.You don't hide it just because you don't wear a t-shirt saying "look at me,im gay." If they ask,you can tell them true.Thats all. About your father, you have already told him, he will believe it even if he doesn't like it. Cheer up, u passed most difficult part.
Don't worry about your Dad. He just needs time. He doesn't want to believe it, but he will accept it eventually. (Don't be too scared if it gets worse before it gets better, though. Denial is just the beginning, and some of the other steps on the way to acceptance are nastier.) Have you given him resources, like a link to PFLAG or anything? Talk to your mom, too, maybe, and tell she might need to expect some emotional upheavals from your dad before it's through. You don't have to come out to everyone. You can just stop bothering to hide it, and respond honestly when asked. Were there specific people you wanted to come out to? If so, you should go ahead and tell those people. And you can tell the people you've told already that they no longer need to treat it like a secret. Otherwise, just tell people as it comes up. (Such as if they ask you if you have a girlfriend, or something like that. If it's relevant.)
Well, I told my parents in August. And that is what I mean by coming out; just stop denying it. I won't just announce it. Although I would tell my friends seperately... most of them do not know. Mainly, my dad doesn't want me to tell anyone at all and keep it a complete secret. It's not that he's homophobic at all, he's just in denial (I don't show obvious signs). I don't want to disobey him, but should I anyway?
Well, I suggest that you sit down and talk to him about why it is that he wants the both of you to deny that part of yourself. It's, clearly, a part of yourself that you're done denying and you want to be open with him. I know, it's easier said than done, but I think that if you get to the bottom of it with him (get him to say it and acknowledge it) he might just see it your way. It's your life and you want to live it without denying yourself the freedom you deserve.
Well, in all honesty, he really just wants me to wait until college. I think he's just worried about the whole coming out in highschool thing and maybe somewhat mixed with denial.
Have a serious conversation with him. Remind him that he has taught you to be an honest person. Why is he asking you to lie now? All you want to do is live your life honestly. This is your life. There are some choices your father doesn't really have the right to make for you. When you talk to him, don't ask for his permission. Just explain that you think this is a decision that you have to make for yourself, and you've decided that it's important for your friends to know who you really are. Keeping a secret takes a lot more thought and energy than telling the truth, and makes you feel bad about yourself, like you have something to be ashamed of. If people mistreat you at school, they will be the ones who have something to be ashamed of. If you're ready to be out, do it.
My best tip is to just not to deny it. If someone asks if your, which i assume might happen allot with you then just say "yeah I am" Its easiest to do it all at once too, that way you dont have to go threw the anxiety all over again. Because for me, when I was going threw this phase in coming out, I kind of felt guilty, because I was picking a choosing who i told. If you tell everyone then theres nothing to be guilty about. And if you think about it, if their your real friends then their love you no matter what. Your father cares about you allot, otherwise he wouldn't be over reacting. Its normal for parents to do that, and I think its because their scared. Because its difficult for them to understand, and its not what they expected sometimes.
