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Will I Ever Be Proud?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sachmo, Feb 25, 2011.

  1. sachmo

    Regular Member

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    So the other night I came out to my good friend. He is the first person I told and the whole conversation was great. We ended up talking for a very long time and it feels good to have confided in him. However, I am reluctant to tell more of my friends because I am still not proud of who I am. The only reason I told him was because the whole thing was really bugging me and I had to let someone know.

    The thing is, I'm not sure if I'll ever be ok with being gay. This really affects me and I think it causes me to be severely depressed at times. I think to myself that I don't want to be gay but my subconscious is telling me otherwise. Do you think I should hold off on telling people I'm gay until I am more proud of it? Or do you think that telling people and having them accept it will boost my confidence level?

    I am really unsure of what to do at this point. I am tired of going through these depressed stages, and I am tired of not being able to be happy with who I am. :bang: Any thoughts? Thanks
     
  2. zeratul

    zeratul Guest

    When you tell people that you are gay and you don't feel good about it, and is depressed, the response from those who will accept you will be something along the lines that you are who you are and you should accept it. They will try to convince you to be happier and more confident and assure you that nothing has changed. The response from those who dislike homosexuality will be something along the lines that you are confused and/or saying that it's good that you don't like being gay and should just never live a gay lifestyle.

    Either way, these responses are cliche and you will eventually get tired of it. I find it easier to simply tell people that I am gay and that's a fact and I am happy about it, and let's talk about something else now because it's not really a big deal.

    This confidence comes with time. Some ppl take longer than others.
     
  3. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    Yeah, it just takes some time. Eventually, you will be proud of it. Tell people that you know will be accepting and that you feel comfortable coming out to, and I promise it will make you feel a lot better. You'll feel better every time you do it. Six months from now you're going to be looking back at this and you'll wonder what you were thinking. :grin:
     
  4. Fishken

    Fishken Guest

    The pride will come to you eventually. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Ianthe

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    Well, for me, pride is really more about my identity as part of the gay community, rather than just being about me personally.

    I felt pride last night, watching a documentary called Out America, which is about gay history, on OPB. Unfortunately, I missed most of it, and really just saw the end.

    But they were talking about the AIDS crisis in the 80s, and a gay man was getting a little emotional about the response of lesbians, especially in the medical field, who came out publicly in large numbers, in order to care for dying gay men that other medical professionals were refusing to treat. He said that this changed our community, brought us together as a whole, where before there had been a greater sense of distance and separateness between gay men and lesbians.

    I thought then that, while the outside world, the straight world, often sees AIDS as a punishment or a mark of our weakness, to us it has been a different thing. To us, it is something that has taught us about our true strength and resilience of spirit, and about the depth and breadth of our compassion and caring for one another.

    When I think of these older lesbians, who exposed themselves to public scorn in order to care for their dying brothers, I am proud to be one of them. It's the way, when I think of the split between Susan B. Anthony and Lucy Stone, one outraged at the exclusion of women from the amendment that conferred suffrage to freed slaves, the other steadfast in her commitment to the pursuit of equality and suffrage for everyone, they both make me proud to be a woman. It's the way Dr. King's "I Have a Dream" speech makes black people proud to be black, and me proud to be an American.

    I feel pride also when I can help other gay people, in real life or on forums like this one. I feel pride when I realize that a younger gay person sees me as a role model. I feel pride when I am the first person someone comes out to, because I am the only out gay person they know.

    So, my advice to you is to come out as much as you are comfortable with, as you become more comfortable over time--and meanwhile, learn about other gay people, and our history. Meet other gay people, and get to know us; discover that we are good, strong and worthy people, and that you can be proud to be one of us.
     
  6. Lexington

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    As I'm fond of pointing out, when it comes to "gay pride", pride is the opposite of shame. You might not be proud of being male, or left-handed, but I doubt you feel any shame for being those things. And that's the position you want to get to. Where being gay is a fact. A datum. A standard piece of information about you as simple as your age.

    If you're not there yet, give it some more thought. You're not happy being gay. You wish you weren't. Take it a step further. "I'm not happy being gay because..." "I wish I weren't gay because then..." How would you finish those two sentences? Maybe you're concerned about how your friends and family will perceive you. Or about how "the world" perceives you. Or about if your life will be more difficult. But there are answers to these issues, most revolving around the simple fact that "nothing kicks more ass than living your life as you". :slight_smile:

    Lex