I'm way to uptight and serious about things and it really bothers me and I don't really know how to loosen up and have a good time. People often tell me to lighten up but I don't really know how. Has anyone had this problem, and is there anything I can do to loosen and lighten up?
cut loose, laugh at a dead baby joke. Make some nasty humor. when you see yourself doing it say, "stop it!"
Often, our anxiety in a social situation comes from a self-imposed expectation of what you think another person would judge to be acceptable. To let lose, just forget about how you think you should be acting (should I say this comment? Should I reply a sound? Should I chuckle? Should I nod?) and just focus on the information being communicated to you, let your body and mind react naturally the way you are built. ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2011 at 05:15 PM ---------- I.e. If you didnt laugh at a joke, stop thinking "WTF is wrong with me, why don't I have a sense of humor". Instead, Segway out of it and let the joke teller worry that his own jokes are lame!!
This zeratul person is not the right person to listen to. You do not need a substance to "lighten up" and to say you do is stupid. Find something that you enjoy doing, something that is proactive and good for you. For me, my outlet is dancing. I go to a studio for 8-10 hours a week and dance. For others its art, or math or something. What you are probably confused about is that you dont know what your true outlet is. My suggestion is to take a pause in your life and just help yourself. Let yourself make mistakes, and find out what makes you happy again.
Is it possible that you just don't like the people you are uptight around? Cus I know when i'm around someone I don't like I just get annoyed and irritated with the person(people). If not, I don't think i would really worry about it because it is really hard to change who we are...yes there are probly things you can do (like people listed above), but it isn't always bad to be more strict about some things (maybe not everything).
You're out status says, "One foot out, one foot in." I'm not sure exactly what that means, but it can be really difficult to "lighten up" when you have a big secret weighing on your mind. You can't really relax when you're hiding something, and the feeling that you need to control your behavior, so as to avoid being discovered, can carry over even into situations where you could potentially be more open. Being in control of yourself becomes so important, you can't really let go even temporarily. So, I think it's likely that your partially closeted status is at least a contributing factor to this problem.
I agree with the second thing Zeratul said (booze, while great against Social Anxiety, may well just get you sticking your foot in your mouth the whole time). It's my main issue, actually- being afraid of what people think when I say something. It's to the point where I'm completely mute about certain subjects. It's all about your comfort zones... push them a bit. Slightly at first, more later. And coming out may be a big help - it was for me. Not the end of my issues, but a big help nonetheless.
Good advice about pushing comfort zones. I agree (from experience) that not being out contributes to your feeling uptight and others probably pick up on both. Maybe you feel that if you loosen up, and people get closer to you, someone might ask if you're gay, and you want to avoid that situation. Even if you realize people might suspect that you're gay, you just can't open up, and it's frustrating. So it's a cycle of wanting to relax and get to know people, yet you don't want them to get too close, so you back off, then they think you're uptight and you're left frustrated. Maybe I'm way off base here, it's just a feeling I had when I read your post.
Oh my my my... a little bit of alcohol isnt substance abuse, it's called chillaxing AMD enjoying the little things in life. Just because you are a consumption Nazi doesn't mean everyone else is in the opposite extreme.
Yes, yes and yes. I have always been pretty serious and plain I would say? I don't know, but it was pretty hard to "learn" how to stop worrying about it so much. Practice makes perfect.The only way you will learn how to loosen up is by trying out different approaches to it and see what works for you. If you want to talk about it more privately then feel free to PM me
