well, it's been forever (ok, about three months) since i've come out to my parents. my mom has been super cool about it. she asks me questions every now and then and i can tell she's trying to understand. then there's my dad. he hasn't said anything about my coming out or even asked questions about it. and i kinda noticed something...he had quite drinking for about two-three years....and then, not too far after i came out, i noticed he started drinking again. it's not the usual beer he had drank before, just wine...but i kinda feel responsible for it...he hasn't had a change of additude towards me or anything...juast that i'm worried about how he has taken it. my mom says he's "Machista", which would explain why he keeps everything to himself, but i would like it if he told me something about my whole being gay thing. i don't know how to approach him on it and i want to talk to him when it's just us two alone...any ideas on how i can do this?
I'm sorry to hear that you're worried about your dad. I don't think it's all the unusual for him to be quiet about this - it's a difficult issue to discuss and many dad's aren't used to having that kind of discussion with their kids. Do you know if your dad has a drinking problem though? If he does, and he has started again, it's so important for him to stop before it gets any worse. Alcohol addiction, like any addiction, can flare up again when faced with a traumatic or emotional event. The longer he waits to get this under control again, the harder it will be. Maybe this is something you can discuss with your mom... Good luck. Remember that you haven't done anything wrong. You've been open and honest, and that's the best way to be.
That happens to me too. Well, if you just sometimes make eyes contacts with him and ask him to go to a quite place in teh house or to go somewhere, a place you or he liks perhaps...., or write him a letter if he refuses to talk to you And about his drinking habit, dont worry , maybe he faces soemthing else too My dad never talked about my being gay either, just my sis, he is a quiet man, always keeps things to himself, I dont think taht he dont care, he has his own way of teaching ,loving his kids and thinking, which is soemtimes...rediculous
That is happening to me too. I came out to my parents a few months ago, and my dad has brought it up a few times, but my mom wont mention it and is denial. I wish I could just go and talk to her and bring it up, but I am afraid about how she will react. Anyway, i was thinking about ordering a book like "Gay Child, straight parents" or "Now that you know..." and giving it to her as a conversation starter. Anyway, good luck, and just know you aren't the only one.
thanks guys. well, i'm waiting for the right time to ask my father...and i have talked about it to my mom. she says that he might still be in denial. she says that he hasn't spoken even to her about it...
I'm sorry to hear you dad is having a hard time. Like Spikyspice says, he might have other things going on in his life that he doesn't want to burden you with... problems at work, too many bills, all sorts of things. As Jim said, you have done nothing wrong. I truely believe that we cannot be responsable for the happiness of others. We are all, especially adults, responsable for our own happiness and the way we react to a given situation. You could always open the conversation in a general way mentioning that you find him preoccupied and worried at the moment and that it worries you, then depending on his answer you can tell him that you hope that you are not the cause of his worries. I woulnd't necessarily jump in with the drink problem. People with problems of addiction often don't like talking about it and become defensive when confronted. The idea is to show him your concern not launch into an unwanted battle. As parents is is often very difficult to know how to react to compliicated emotional situations and lots of dads tend to play ostrich and hope that it will go away knowing deep within themselves that it won't and become more and more unhappy. If my husband sees my son and I crying in each others arms (not often thankfully) he will pass straight on by and later tell me, well you were dealing with it, what do you want me to do? He loves his son to bits but talking about emotions is a big NO NO. Dads can sometimes be a bit hopeless. Your dad might be really touched that you have seen his distress and pain and are trying to help him. This is a very loving and mature thing to do. These sorts of gestures will help your dad see you for the kind, caring young man that you are. Good luck
