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Coincidence or Fetish?!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Makaio1, Mar 5, 2011.

  1. Makaio1

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    Hey,

    So I've only really had a big crush on 5 guys. The thing is that they've all been Asian. 2 Koreans, 2 Chinese and a Japanese guy. Is that purely coincidence or do you think that can count as a fetish or something. Some of you are probably gonna think this is a ridiculous question but has anyone had the same experience...?
    :confused:
     
  2. Pseudojim

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    I think only you can answer whether or not it's a co-incidence or whether you just really really go for asian guys. Either is possible... but in either case, does it really matter?

    Being attracted to certain races and not attracted to certain others (if that is indeed the case) doesn't make you racist, that's just natural.

    It also might be a cultural attraction, rather than a physical one. Different cultures produce different personalities, too. It might be a certain quirk of demeanour they all share, especially if they were all born overseas, but even if they're second or third generation, that cultural influence can stick.

    So whether it's all a big co-incidence or not, you have no reason to feel guilty about it.
     
  3. TheDarkerPoet

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    ^ Agreed. You probably just prefer Asians. Not a big deal at all, mate.
     
  4. TheJoker

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    Its normal.Some like asians,some likes africans. (not that imply something:eusa_liar)
     
  5. zeratul

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    I'm an Asian, so out of curiosity, I'd be interested in knowing what is it exactly that makes you attracted them? And I am a little offended to be called a fetish, so its definitely NOT a fetish.
     
  6. TheJoker

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    this is enough reason to love asians :wink:
    [​IMG]
     
  7. Pseudojim

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    god he is beautiful.

    Bruce, not chuck (eww).
     
  8. Makaio1

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    I really can't put my finger on it. The guys I've been attracted to are beautiful - they have beautiful skin, they are well dressed, quite ripped and tan with nice butts.

    Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
     
  9. DougieBoy

    DougieBoy Guest

    You obviously have an asian fetish, i do too!
     
  10. Zontar

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    As a Seinfeld gag once went...if you like their race...how is it racist? :lol:
     
  11. TyRawr

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    I wouldnt say that I have had the same experience, but Im not prejudiced to the idea. It that situation I would say that there could perhaps be a pattern there indicating that you are attracted to people of Asian decent. Perhaps it is a fetish, or perhaps it is just a preference. You dont have to want to fuck someone to like them, I think that Asian people are beautiful, theres allot to like. Theres nothing wrong with that
     
  12. Ianthe

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    It isn't unhealthy to have certain types that you are attracted to. Most people do, and we don't really understand how exactly it all comes about. Most people find their own race the most attractive, sort of without realizing it. I mean, if you were Asian, no one, including you, would think it was strange that all the people you've been the most attracted to were Asian. It's sort of like the way, if you were a woman, no one would think it was strange that you are attracted to men. Just because you are atypical in your attractions, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

    Your interest in these guys has apparently been romantic (a big crush) rather than just sexual. From what you describe, I don't think that you are reducing them in your mind to being just somehow emblematic of their race, rather than interacting with them as people. So, I think you're fine.
     
  13. Artemicion

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    I'm Asian, but Asian isn't my #1 preference/fetish however you want to put it. So there you have it. Nothing wrong with that...
     
  14. zeratul

    zeratul Guest

    Hmm interesting theory, but it doesn't work. I'm Asian, but I find other Asians to be so similar to me that whatever pheromones they are releasing just isn't doing it for me. I am attracted to a wide variety of ethnicities, and my own people seem to be lower on my preferences.
     
  15. TheJoker

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    Yea,usually opposite attracts more.Same reason with dying hair.Darks make it blonde,blondes make it dark..
     
  16. Pseudojim

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    i'm swedish in ethnicity, i find swedish (and nordic in general) people to be just about the hottest of all, in both sexes!

    but i like a big mix of ethnicities too. Chinese girls, middle eastern guys, etc etc...
     
  17. TheJoker

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    it's okay everybody makes mistake:lol: (just kidding)
     
  18. Owen

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    Just a point of information, a fetish is for something that most people would not normally consider sexual, like feat, or leather. You say you desire Asian men; if you still want to do typical sexual things with these men, it isn't a fetish. Preference might be a better word, and less likely to offend.
     
  19. Ianthe

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    Technically, fetishism is sexual arousal by an inanimate object (especially an inanimate object not designed for sexual purposes). Sexual arousal in response to a non-sexual body part (such as a foot) is called "partialism." Fetishism and partialism are both types of paraphilias, "paraphilia" being the catch-all term for atypical sexual interests. Paraphilias are only considered unhealthy if they cause distress or impairment to the people who have them, or lead them to cause harm to others, in which case they are called "paraphilic disorders,"--or at least that's what the current thinking is, in drafting of the DSM-V, which means it's more or less the consensus among mental health professionals.

    All this, of course, is jargon in the field of psychology, which means that it's totally unreasonable to expect lay people to use the terminology in the same way. Colloquially, the word "fetish" is used to mean "unhealthy sexual interest." kaiser927 wants to know if his interest in Asian men seems unhealthy to us.

    A straight friend of mine who has traveled and lived abroad has sometimes dated men while living in other countries, particularly Japan. In some cases, it seemed like they were only really interested in her because of what she symbolized to them as a white, blond American. I think that their interest in her was unhealthy, because they were not relating to her personally as an individual, but were only attracted to this abstract idea of something she represented. So, I do think it's possible to be attracted to a racial or ethnic group for unhealthy reasons, which would colloquially be referred to as a fetish.

    kaiser927, however, does not seem to have an unhealthy preoccupation with an abstract idea of "Asianness." He did not, for example, engage in any kind of stereotyping when he talked about what he found attractive in the men he liked. He's apparently just attracted to some physical characteristics common to some Asian men. Depending on where he lives, "well dressed" might be more common in some Asian cultural groups than it is in the prevailing mainstream culture as well. Anyway, it's obviously a pattern, but I don't think it's an unhealthy one.

    In regard to what I said before, about most people preferring their own race, it's actually more particular than that. Most people are more attracted to people that look kind of like themselves, which would have to include what we consider racial characteristics--they've done studies. This is not actually very surprising--our genetic makeup is typically comprised of the genes of people our ancestors were attracted to, and it makes sense that we would be attracted to similar people.

    Most people of course doesn't mean ALL people. Obviously, I never said that ALL people prefer partners of their own race. And I definitely never said that such preferences were exclusive. I've been attracted to people of lots of races.
     
  20. maverick

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    This is kind of a weird question, but are Asian gays still pressured to find a same-sex partner of the same ethnicity, or is it an "all holds are off" sort of deal when you come out in an Asian family? :lol:

    I know several Asians in high school who were encouraged to date within their respective racial communities, so I'm just curious.