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I don't know how to talk to guys...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Beachboi92, Mar 5, 2011.

  1. Beachboi92

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    yeah title says it all, i feel like i don't know how to talk to other guys. People try to talk to me and i get shy and awkward if they are any sort of confident...

    I feel like i look or sounds like a retard any time i'm trying to talk to other gay guys and don't really know what to do. I try to be confident and outspoken and stuff but i just freeze up and don't know what to talk about without it seeming like stupid small talk. i don't know if i'm even capable of being flirty... I feel like i blow it way to much with guys from just not knowing how to talk so idk i guess i'm looking for any help or advice on how to go about it all... as we speak i'm blowing it over fb chat with a cute guy...
     
  2. Nat3

    Nat3 Guest

    Perhaps this happens because you are trying too hard?
    Also, if you think you are blowing it, that right there is like stepping off bed on the wrong foot. And like saying I'm going to have a Shtt day today, may as well make it worst.lol
    Not everyone is confident... if it helps you, try to think of stuff that may break their confidence? Idk, I find myself always at the same level with everyone; cuz, to be honest I know there is something in their confident little world that will bring them down from their high cloud.=P Mean isn't it?
     
  3. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    It really isn't that hard. Just let them take the lead if they're initiating it, and just be yourself. If you're flirting and you've just met them, you will make small talk because that is how you get to know people, but you have to pepper the conversation with some romance every once in a while too so that they know you're interested, just relax. Have you ever heard the phrase fake it until you make it? Pretend that you're confident until you really are. Don't worry about blowing it, and don't worry about what is going to happen either. Just live in the moment and be playful. Compliment them on something. Tell them that you think they're cute, or adorable, or whatever, and keep the conversation flowing. You're stressing yourself out way too much. Flirting should be fun. :grin:
     
    #3 Kidd, Mar 5, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2011
  4. Bibliophile

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    Ok I am not going to claim to be smooth or anything but the ONE time I got the nerve to try talking to a guy in the while I am still enlisted I did well. So I reccomend three books for you. The Mystery Method, Rules of the Game, and The Satanic Witch. Yes I know they might sound odd but trust me if you can get to the core of these books and what they mean for social interaction they work. Oh and go out a bomb it. I mean bomb hard. Challenge yourself on how far you can push before you bail and you will learn to take rejection not as a rejection of YOU but of how you approached the person and basically sold yourself. Keep in mind a person that hardly knows you cant reject you as a person only how you approached them.
     
  5. TheJoker

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    kidd is right,fake it until you make it. Also you can always flirt with me..as practice :lol:
     
  6. nate16

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    yeah.....i'm kinda in the same boat as you beachboi.....i hate being shy. It makes no sense compared to my actual personality.
     
  7. Lexington

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    Do you have trouble talking to straight guys? Unattractive guys? Women? Because if not, that should be your approach. It doesn't make much sense to approach gay guys in a completely different mode than you do everybody else. At least, not to me.

    Lex
     
  8. mnguy

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    Lex hit was I was going to try to explain what happens to me. I'm shy and unable to initiate conversation with a guy I like and am hoping or think might be gay. Once I know a guy has a gf, married, or whatever, then I have no problem talking to him. I can approach guys I'm not attracted to pretty easily, but I wouldn't want to get his hopes up if he's gay and possibly make him feel bad. That's one issue I'd have going to a gay bar/event is I'd know the dudes are gay and I'd never approach any I like. If they approached me, which would be great, I'm not sure how well I'd handle it unless he sensed my nervousness and was able to just get me talking and relaxed. Then I'd have no problem talking to him the next time. The first time is always the worst for me.
     
  9. Beachboi92

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    well on the upside i couldn't have blown it to bad because he gave me his number and asked me out sometime xD however i'm still nervous. Every time i interact with people i'm attracted to i have problems. I seriously don't understand it, i've even had friends who i sometimes have trouble interacting with because i find them attractive even though our relationship is platonic :/ i feel like i'm practically socially retarded in those moments and it reminds me of the middle school days when i had 0 friends...

    I get uncontrollably nervous and worry about everything i say or do and as to how it affects the way said person perceives me. I really do try to just fake confidence and make myself do stuff despite feeling worried or nervous but i can never get the feelings to stop. Also i can get really bi-polar when first meeting people swinging back and forth from wanting them to like me to "fuck them if they don't" or going from attached and clingy to distant in a heartbeat....

    Right now im kind of worried about just about anything and everything there is to be worried about with this eminent first date... I've never, NEVER, had a guy do this before, adds me tell me i'm cute and come after me, and essentially make the moves towards me. But at the same time i worry cause he seems like he may be a little to into himself, and the couple times we talked he is the kind of person who takes FOREVER (sometimes hours) to text back and it makes me feel like he is playing the game or something and it annoys me. (I had a really rough experience with a guy who was just way to much about playing the game and it really stresses me out when guys do it until i just don't want to talk to them anymore...)

    And the part that scares me the most is he is actually really cute, and has a really nice body, and a nice face, and at least seems like he is nice and it is giving me that "hes out of my league" feel... But at the same time i'm iffy about it all because he seems a little to into himself and is working as a dancer at a gay club which makes me worry a bit. IDK now i'm just rambling to release some anxiety about it all xD
     
  10. mnguy

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    Hey man, it's cool, just ramble on because I'm sure many of us can relate to what you're feeling and typing, at least I can. I hope he's not playing a game with you and he's really interested in getting to know you better or whatever you're looking for in this. I'd be enamored if a guy like you describe was coming after me. If it was me and I was just looking for a quick one-time thing, this sounds promising for that. If I was looking for more of a dating thing, I would be nervous about this one. That's just how *I think I'd feel* from what you described (out of my league, playing game, club dancer). Based on the description, I'd be happy if I just wanted a fuck buddy, but very cautious with my feelings if I wanted a ltr out of it.

    I hope things go the way you want them to and you are good looking so he's honest about that :slight_smile: