Freaking out!

Hey

Try not to panic, you are freaking out because this is all new to you, the problem is as you grow up you automatically assume you are straight until something else is proven, and this can happen at different times for different people. You have crushes and relationships with guys because thats what girls do right?.... I spent a lot of my teenage and young adult life wondering what the hell made girls act the way they did round guys and why I never seemed to feel it, I blamed the fact I was quite shy and studious and always thought well my time will come, but it never did. I then started investigating my perception of girls and for a long time I was way to freaked out to do much more than dip my toe into the edge of the water in my mind and then quickly run in the other direction.

Its scary to think that what you used to think wasnt necessarily true but I can assure you it will get better. The problem is its not just a simple im gay, im straight, I accept it, thats the end of that. The whole realisation and coming out process is full of millions of mini steps and hurdles and sometimes even when we think we have overcome one we can be pushed back without really noticing it.

So you have acknowledged you have attraction to girls and you would like to discover this further, thats a major and very important step dont under estimate how hard that can be.
You had some experiences with another girl thats another step that often people dont take till later but now you are experiencing some uncertainty within that relationship and uncertainty leads to frustration and mixed messages in any relationship regardless of the gender of the people involved. I believe that because of the uncertainty, frustration and mixed messages with your female friend your ex partner coming back almost for a while seemed to offer a simple straight forward route for you to take out of your confusion, unfortunately when we want to convince ourselves of something we are very good at making them look perfect but they are very rarely this in reality so I think you have made a very good decision in rationalising the situation and recognising that however attractive he maybe, for the moment at least he isnt what you want or need.

I cant say for certain whether you will be attracted to guys in the future or only girls it may be that you dont know either, but you have to try and not worry about it ( I know this is difficult) you dont have to make a decision on it now, just think at the moment in digging the girls but who knows in the future there may be a guy that takes my fancy.

Hope this helps, if you want to chat post on my wall.

 

You are going to be ok.

It is hard not to panic, because this is all so new, but there is no problem with the way you are. From the way things sound, i have doubted that you were bi since you first said you liked to wear mens clothing.

Try and not be to critical on yourself, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to the opposite sex. Thats just how you happen to function. So what?

Maybe you are no attracted to him specifically, or maybe its all men in general. You can try to talk yourself into anything, but at the end of the day, you have to deal with what your heart is telling you. So whether you are bi, lesbian, straight, purple, or part squid... try and step back and accept the person you see in the mirror each day.

 

Maybe you weren't in the mood. Maybe you have never been sexually attractive to men. Maybe it's something about him. (maybe you are bored from him?) Maybe you are thinking too much about your attraction to opposite sex so it blocks you. ( you know there are HCOD, people who think they are gay all the time and they lose their interest on opposite sex and it leads them into thinking they are gay more. I'm not saying you have HOCD.Just saying even if you are bi, maybe you think about your sexuality more than you should and it stops you to be aroused.Like straight guys who start losing sex drive because of performance stress)

If you were bi, you are bi.if you are lesbian, you were lesbian before tour brain sometimes play with us. (like i said, straight people can suffer from HOCD and they might have erection or aroused by same gender. But they are not gay or bi, their brain does it. Maybe you weren't in mood and get stressed why you don't find him attractive why you don't find want sex.. you thought "omg,im just lesbian" so you didn't feel anything.)

Or maybe defining yourself as bi was safer. Many people start with bi and end up with gay. (of course there are really bisexuals too)

 

I personally believe the only reason we have these catagories of gender and sexual preferance so defined is just a result of the way society teaches us to think. I know its stressful now but why worry about what catigory you fit into and just wait to see who your attracted to next. I believe once we get away from the sexual orientation issues that it wont matter, and the labels will be gone and everyone will just love who they love. the genderidentity and sexual orientation soup is too diverse for the few labels we have.

 

Ok it could be several things. A) You might not be attracted to him any longer, B) You ARE Bi and currently interested solely in women. I myself run hot and cold on either sex at times. So don't worry there, C) You are a lesbian and well that's that. None of the above are bad, and all might be the answer. What you need is time and more experience to figure it all out. Just hang in there the answers will come, they just might not be what you expect.

 

I don't know if this would work for you, but this is what helped me stop worrying so much about the ifs of my sexuality.

The only thing that we can do is deal with the facts that we have and try to not worry too much about the unknowns.

Look at what you know so far:
- You like girls
- You don't like your ex at all
- There is a possibility that you might like some other guy in the future

That's it. Don't worry about anything else just yet and just live your life how you want to live it. The rest will slowly fall in place for you

 

It's okay.....take a deep breath.......It's totally okay!!!
At least you know now that you don't like your ex one bit! It was probably way more awkward for him lol cuz he got himself in that situation, but shame on him for putting you in an awkward position!