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I don't know..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Crypt, Mar 9, 2011.

  1. Crypt

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    I was going to move in with my bf in about 3 weeks. Everything was fine. I decided to tell my parents about my plans. They yelled and screamed at me. Telling me how stupid and worthless I was to make a decision like that. My mom decided to tell her sister. Her sister called my bf and basically threatened that if he doesn't stop speaking to me sh'll hand out his address and phone number to my parents.

    So he told me and broke things off. Told me we cant text or talk anymore. I've been a mess and suicidal. The only thing I had they took away. I don't know what to do anymore.
     
  2. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    Aww sorry Nick!(*hug*)(*hug*)

    You should have mentioned moving out before to your parents, I think its coz you told them at the last minute out of no where so, they was shocked?

    Maybe you should wait till things cool down (*hug*)
     
  3. zeratul

    zeratul Guest

    Hey Nick, you have 2 tasks to complete:

    1. Convince your boyfriend to stop fearing your family.

    2. Discuss with your family why they don't think it's a good idea for you to move in with your bf. Maybe there are valid reasons, once they calm down. And you are 20 years old, you are not a child.
     
  4. Eleanor Rigby

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    I am so sorry (*hug*).
    Do you know exactly why are the reasons your parents don't want you to move in with your boyfriend ?
    I suggest that you let them cool of for a while, then have a discussion with them about why they are mad at you.
    As for you boyfriend, he must be very frightened right now. Maybe wait a few days then call him and try to have some explanation with him.
    Your aunt had absolutly no right to do what she did and I think you need to tell her that, and that the next time she tries to threaten either you or your boyfriend, you're going to call the cops.

    I hope everything will calm down and go back to normal within a few days. Let us know how it goes.
    Take care (*hug*) Cécile
     
  5. TyRawr

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    Wow, I am incredibly sorry for you.

    I would find out how to get a hold of your boyfriend and get some kind of explanation. He was wrong for just breaking it off when things got rough, but at the same time I wouldnt be to mad at him. Try and convince him that things are still worth staying together for, and tell your stupid aunt to piss off!

    Your family essentually will love you no matter what. Try and talk to them about the situation, dont try to start conflict, however try and get the message across that you are an adult, and you want to make your own decisions. All they can do is accept things, or have a sour attitude for a while.

    With the family, its difficult to make things work out perfectly sometimes, so you might have to more severe circumstances. If this results in you not talking to them for a while, just understand that this is all manipulation, they want you to do something, and you want them to do something. They will eventually come around, you just have to grab the opportunity once it comes around.
     
  6. Lexington

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    OK, wait a second. I'm missing something.

    You were going to move in with your boyfriend.
    You told your parents, who told your aunt.
    Your aunt threatened that if this continued, she'd hand over his address to your parents.

    Wouldn't your parents know that address once you moved in? Or were you planning to move in and not tell them where you lived? And what sort of "hold" would this information have? Are they planning on harassing you two? Sending stinkbombs in the mail? What?

    Lex
     
  7. manoverboard09

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    That's really messed up. I hate when families try to get into your business. You're 20 right? You're an adult, you can make your own decisions and they shouldn't be able to interfere like that! It's not right..

    Are they pissed that you're gay, or that you're moving in with your bf? Like, did they know you were gay before this?
     
  8. straal1972

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    Wow Nick, that is harsh. But i'm with Lex on this one. It seems that we're missing a couple of pieces of the puzzle.

    I don't know what the deal with your aunt is, but WTF! Is she the family matriarch that holds all the purse and other strings? If you don't need your parents financial support to live, then other then being angry for a while at you, thats basically it. You and them will both get over that in time.

    Don't let your family wreck your life in this way........unless they know that your BF is really bad ( i mean bodies in the freezer bad). I don't believe thats the case tho'

    Good luck
     
  9. Zontar

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    This sounds disgusting.
     
  10. TheJoker

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    Time to show your teeth! Get your boyfriend back and tell your aunt mind her own business.You can try better conversation with your parents later..and if they will be still against it,you are 20. It's your decision.
     
  11. Filip

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    Okay, like Lex, I'm having trouble fitting things in entirely here.

    As I remember:
    - Wasn't your ount the one who set you guys up in the first place? Then why is she so angry when it works out (better than she thought)
    - And how do his legal issues fit into this? Any chance this is in part informing their reaction? Or don't they know about this? What's the status on his legal issues anyway?
    - What kind of pull exactly do they have, other than shouting?

    In any case, I don't think they have a right to do this. They can feel it's a poor decision (especially since you don't know the guy for all that long, really), but it's not their job to settle your affairs behind your back. If anything, you can let them know that you're feeling distrusted and backstabbed by their unwillingness to settle this as adults. They should either talk this through in a mature manner, or not get involved at all.

    Whatever you do, don't panic. Take a deep breath. It's confusing when all of this happens all at once, but situations like this one always normalise. He'll be shocked, and you are too, and maybe living together isn't going to happen just yet. But it's not as if anyone died here. Try to get into contact with him and at least talk things through. After tempers calm down, it's likely this won't be as bad as you fear it is!
    (*hug*)
     
  12. Crypt

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    His court-date is this Tuesday and he will probably go to jail. They said his minimum sentence was 5 years. I'm going to look for therapists in my area on Monday since I'm off. I know he's going to get destroyed in jail and I still care for him as a friend. The shit he put me through for my first relationship was way too much. It was hell. Quite honestly I think I deserve a little better. It breaks my heart that I have to let him go. We had so many plans and what he did fucked them up.
     
  13. Artemicion

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    Ah. Okay, there is the missing piece of the puzzle. So there's some kind of court case going on (I am assuming your family freaked possibly because it's serious - considering the jail time you mentioned). Can't help you much here as I don't want to intrude too much on the details, but nevertheless hope you will feel better and things will clear up soon. (&&&)
     
  14. straal1972

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    Good idea to see a therapist...talking out things with someone who is impartial and non-judgemental is always a good idea. They can help you to make sense of things and to see things in a different light. They also get you to THINK. To think about your choices, your feelings, your thoughts, your goals, your future. That's all important stuff. Just because we love someone, doesn't mean that have to, or even should be together with them. Sometimes we find out too late this fact, only after it has effected us negatively. Hopefully you can take something from this relationship and use it to become a stronger, better, more caring, more loving, more sure of oneself, more independant person.

    We're all routing for you.
     
  15. Eleanor Rigby

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    Well, from that point of you, I can see why your parents were not happy with the thought you wanted to move in with him.
    I don't know what has been happening, but I think seeking for a therapist is good idea. Hopefully it's going to help you moving on from your relationship and it can also help you to understand things about yourself and to seek more healthy relationships.

    Take care, Cécile
     
  16. Toneth

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    sometimes its really hard to say goodbye to someone, especially someone you love, and especially if its your first love. my advice is to follow through on seeing a therapist, and take a little time to just love yourself, it sounds like there's nothing you can really do about him leaving, so take a little time to come to terms and gain some clarity and understanding, its gonna be ok.
     
  17. Filip

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    Well, caring for someone isn't bad. Even if what he did was wrong, that doesn't mean he doesn't merit any compassion.

    But at the same time, I do think that not pursuing the relationship further is the right idea. You only knew him for a couple of months, and there's no chance such a relationship survives years in prison.

    Seeing a therapist is definitely a good step to take. and definitely don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes big plans don't come through, but you can learn from this and end up better and stronger for it!
    (*hug*)
     
  18. Crypt

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    Thanks for the advice everyone. I really appreciate it. I'm feeling tons better after talking with a few people. I had a lot of feelings for him, but I'm starting to move on rather quickly. I've started to really crush on someone I work with who might be gay so we'll see where that goes.

    You're absolutely right Filip...our relationship would not survive in prison. I believe everything happens for a reason and if it wasn't meant to be then that's it. I have learned a lot just from this relationship alone and I have hope that there's someone out there for me who won't put me through this.