So, here's the deal. I'm about two years away to moving out and attending college. I tried coming out to my parents in middle school (said I was bi just to see how they would react at first), and let's say that did not go well... Ever since, there has always been tension in the house. Especially with my mom. She keeps asking me to ask a guy to prom or not dye my hair/cut it short cause people will think I'm a lesbian. (Which I am, and yeah, stupid). Well, now I've been doing my best to get into college, and my parents are so supportive paying for extra classes, willing to get me a tutor if I need help, buying me a new car, going where I want for spring break, and my mom might get a full time job so they can pay for my college tuition. I told them that wasn't necessary and I would just go to college in-state and get a scholarship but they said they would do it anyway in case I change my mind. Just thinking over the years of how much my parents have done for me/willing to do for me makes me just want to cry. I feel like once they face the fact that I'm gay (I'm currently writing a detailed letter in order to come out again) and that my orientation can't be changed, I feel like they'll just be so "disappointed" in me and be like "Why did we even have this daughter bringing shame onto us? Why must we have a gay daughter which we have spent so much time and money on when we could've used it for our other three children?" I'm just so scared they're going to be so hurt, and that pain is just going to be caused by me and might as well lead me to severe depression and maybe even suicide if I get so down... I'm not sure what to do and how to cope with all this. I constantly worry about my future and what's going to happen to the point where I'm going to feel worthless, because I REALLY don't want to be the cause of this pain (for some reason I'm always causing enough trouble as it is), and the worst thing is that I can't even do anything about this... because this is me. It's just so hard..
Oh, hun, I know exactly how you feel... Parents are so worked up over having the "perfect child" but really, no one can be perfect, and being gay isn't something they should be upset about. I think that now, telling them again is a good idea, because it will show that you were serious this whole time, and speaking to them as an adult will have more of an impact than speaking to them as a middle schooler. ^_^ I really hope everything turns out alright for you!!
Hi there (*hug*), I understant that this is something difficult and painful to deal with. Your parents obviously love you and they're willing to do anything so that you can succeed at college. In the same time, they don't seem so keen on accepting that you're gay. That's probably because every single parents have hopes and dreams for their children. The fact you want to go to college seem to fit really well with what they're hoping for you, the fact you might be a lesbian, not so much. And yes, when you're going to come out again to them, they may have a hard time to deal with it, and I understand that it is painful for you too because you don't want to disapoint them. The good thing is that your parents love you. Yes, they may go through denial and anger and pain when you'll come out to them, but hopefully they're going to come to terms with your sexuality. What they're going to need is time, and patience, and maybe some help from a counselor, or a Pflag group. What you have to keep in mind is that you're not responsible for your parents happiness, you're responsible for your own happiness only. And you can't hide, or supress a very essential part of who you are to please them. Maybe you are going to need some help too to go through this without having to deal depression. Have you considered talking about this with your school counselor ? That might be a first step to get help and to get some back up if things aren't going right with your parents. I add a link to a Pflag booklet that you may want to print for your parents when you're going to come out to them. I hope that it may help them a little to deal with your coming out. http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Daughters_Sons.pdf And there is another one that you may found helpful for yourself. http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Be_Yourself.pdf I hope this helps a little. Feel free to message me or any other advisors if you want to and stick around EC, it's a great place to get support, especially if things are getting tough at home. I wish you luck and loads of courage. Take care, (*hug*) Cécile
Try to remember that this isn't really something you're doing to them. You didn't decide to be gay. You only get to choose whether to tell the truth, or lie to them about it forever. Since I presume they have tried to teach you to be an honest person, telling them is what they would want you to do, if they really understood everything. They don't yet understand, so all you can do is try to educated them on the subject. All that you are doing is telling them something that is true. You didn't make it true. So if it makes them unhappy, it isn't your fault. You can do your best to help them through it, but you shouldn't feel guilty, as if you had done something wrong. Do tell them in your letter about how afraid you are that they will be disappointed in you, and how much it bothers you that you might cause them pain. ^^My bet would be that you've been acting out because of your pain and anger that your parents (and society) have not been accepting of an essential part of who you are. It can be very difficult to deal with. Before coming out to your parents, make sure to be familiar with the grieving process. It can give you an idea what to expect. Since you are coming out in a letter, you might want to look at some examples. You can find some here on EC, if you haven't seen them already. You can also post a draft of your own letter here for feedback before you give it to them. We like to help. :icon_bigg
This is something your parents are just going to have to deal with. They might seem to think this si something you "chose" but you didn't choose this anymore then you did the color of your eyes.
