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Does anyone just ask?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by WhiteFox, Mar 11, 2011.

  1. WhiteFox

    WhiteFox Guest

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    I saw a guy when I was getting my haircut and he seemed really nice, but gave absolutely no signs at all because he was rather quiet. My question is do you think it is appropriate to just walk up to someone and ask them if they are bi or gay in public (if they aren't surrounded by friends) or something? Or is it totally rude and am I asking for trouble? Do you have any ways of getting it out of a complete stranger that is a little more appropriate?

    Fox
     
  2. Tiny Catastrophe

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    I would say that's really not a good idea. It tends to offend most people and if he's confused or in the closet it might make him angry and you don't know how he'll react to you. I don't mind if people ask me but if a complete stranger asked me I think I'd be a bit annoyed. The best way would be to strike up a conversation and get to know someone first and see what happens from there
     
  3. Witchcraft

    Witchcraft Guest

    Yea, it does seem rude and go up to someone and go "Are you gay?" the guy will probably think you're calling him feminine or making fun of him or something since they probably don't know what you mean by that :/, I sure wouldn't think it would be nice of someone to randomly ask me that, and I would tell them to mind their own business in a very mean way :/
     
  4. WhiteFox

    WhiteFox Guest

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    its funny hearing you guys say that, I'm a super straight forward guy and would love if someone was that upfront about it, but I suppose if the majority doesn't think that way then ill go about it a different way.

    Fox
     
  5. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I think it would be creepy if someone asked you out of no where. I have seen it happen to my friend. Some girl asked him if he was gay and we all sort of stared at her with disbelief. After my friend said yes she simply said "you are cute" and walked away. I was like.... ok then xD

    But seriously. I think its generally not a good idea to ask someone who you don't know. Maybe in the middle of a conversation, but don't do use the question as an icebreaker. Besides, some people might be paranoid (me) and would think you are some homophobe trying to find a target.
     
  6. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    It makes me angry when people ask... but I don't understand why. I think a lot of people feel this way.
     
  7. Lexington

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    A guy I used to know used to walk up to guys and say "Hi. Are you interested in having sex with me?" He offended a lot of people (and had to talk his way out of a lot of fights), but he got laid a lot.

    I'd say go for it. They might get offended and not want to have anything to do with you (even if they're gay and possibly interested), but then again, your other option is to either "try to get to know him" in your limited time together, or not having anything happen at all. My only suggestion is that you make it clear that YOU're bisexual first. A lot of people might worry that you're asking so you can beat up the right person after the haircut.

    Lex
     
  8. Ianthe

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    Unfortunately, we don't live in a society in which most people would feel comfortable if someone randomly came up and asked them this question. Some people would even be very offended. Since the essence of good manners is acting in ways that make other people more comfortable, and avoiding doing things that will make them uncomfortable, I'm afraid it is rude.

    Actually, walking up to a total stranger and asking any kind of personal question, without any kind of preliminary conversation, is kind of rude. I mean, you can ask for the time, or you can ask superficial questions like where they bought their sunglasses. You can talk about the weather, or local sports teams. But if you just walk up to somebody and ask about more personal things, they are going to find it strange.

    However, you could probably ask in the context of a larger conversation. What you'd have to do, is go and chat with the guy for a few minutes, and eventually work the subject of your own sexuality into the conversation. Then, if he doesn't respond with obvious discomfort or hostility, and he doesn't quickly change the subject or something, you can ask him if he's ever been interested in guys. (<----That phrasing is less confrontational than "Are you gay?")

    But definitely, some small talk is required going into it, and you should always offer information about yourself before asking about someone else. (If you aren't comfortable telling him about yourself, why would he be comfortable with you asking?) And, of course, it's really better if it's a one-on-one conversation, so you aren't putting him on the spot in front of other people.
     
  9. malachite

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    I'd lean towards a no on this one, especially if you don't know the person.
    Now asking someone out I think is ok, wherein you'd find out anyway.