I know this probably sounds a bit weird but it is something that is just making my life a complete and utter misery at the moment. I seriously just can't stand it anymore. The problem is I absolutely hate the closet and I really want to kick down the damn doors and be me. I've accepted that I'm gay, and I've come out to a few close friends and my brother. I suppose I've got a taste of what it is to be unconditionally accepted and the desire to fully come out is extremely strong. The issue is realistically, I know I should just wait out until the end of the year. My circumstances then are going to be very different (well at least hopefully). I haven't come out to my other friends and I can't come out to my parents as my father is extremely homophobic and my mother just doesn't seem to agree with it. Though, she has asked me before but I didn't have the guts to admit it. And to make matters even worse I just can't stand seeing couples, other gay guys, etc. because I know that I can't have a relationship at the moment. Especially due to the fact that I can't seem to get over this guy I see everyday and he is presumably straight and has a girlfriend. He also is quite affectionate which is really hurting because I know I can never be with him. Could he be gay? Well this is sort of ended in a rant again but I'm wondering how am I supposed to deal with this? Its hard to keep this a secret for another 9 months
Sorry you are going through a rough time If you don't mind answering, why do you feel you should wait 9 months? And maybe this guy could be gay, but he has a girlfriend for now. So don't try and get in the way for now. And don't forget that being with a guy isn't necessarily going to make you happier, and not being with a guy shouldn't prevent you from being happy. I know that's annoying to hear, but it gets better. Believe me.
If you want to be out, go for it! If your parents cant accept you at first then thats their loss. Your happiness is what counts, and you should be happy where ever and when ever you want to be. Good luck, and be you!
Cool25, I can completely understand your desire to come out and begin the process of coming into yourself. And it's great that you have been able to come out to some friends and your brother. That being said, it sounds like what you're saying is that coming out to your parents could make things pretty volatile right now. Is that the case? Do you live with them? And what about your circumstances is going to change in 9 months? If it's that you're moving out of their house or going off to college, than I think that it may be a good idea to wait until you have another place to stay. I say this because it can be particularly hard for parents to come to terms with having a gay son when they are homophobic to begin with. Homophobia comes from a place of ignorance--they may think that you're simply making a poor life choice rather than just being who you innately are. What is it in particular that makes you feel like you can't come out to them? Do you worry about your personal safety? Or is it something else? It's important to consider these things when making the decision to come out. Your safety and well-being should always be first priority. Can you give us a little more info? It would help me give you the best advice possible. Hang in there--I've been there.
In complete agreement with Grey Girl. She seems to be my partner in opinion here lately. I would love to see you come out, and be completely open with who you are, but if it is going to jeopardize your safety please dont. Nothing could be more important than keeping you safe, however seeing as how your brother and friends have acted, and even your mother for that fact it may be an interesting idea to toy with. Do I know about your family life? No Do I know your parents? No Do I know how they will react exactly? No But seeing as how you have had amazing support from your brother and friends, and your mom is already asking if you are gay it may be an idea to consider coming out to everyone but your father for now. Its going to take thought and consideration, and remember if you are at any risk of him hurting you then please dont do it, but eventually you need to come clean with them. Consider it, and let us know how life is going. You dont have to go threw this alone
It doesn't matter whether your friend is gay. He is in a relationship, so it doesn't matter if he could potentially be interested in you or not. He's not available. As for your parents, of course it's ultimately your call. Unless they have the kind of relationship where they normally have secrets from each other or lie to each other though, it's probably best to wait to tell them at the same time. It's a lot to ask of someone to keep a secret from her spouse. What do you think your father will do if you come out? Has he ever been violent? Would he kick you out? Send you to ex-gay camp?
I just feel like maybe I should wait because I'll be going to college soon etc. Also I'm just so worried about the effects of coming out this year (to everyone). I need to focus on my work but at the same time I'm hating almost every day because I just feel fake. My other friends are hardly supportive either of gay people (they don't know I'm gay) and they often call me and others "fags" but I don't think they mean it to me. I wish so badly I could be out but I suppose I just need to be patient. It's so hard when not one person you know is gay and there is no opportunity to even meet anyone socially.
Maybe it is best you wait, even though it seems like a very long time. Things will be way better in college, and it is a fresh start/ new friends etc.. If you feel that you just can't wait at all, another thing to ask yourself is do your friends only bash gay people because the people that they know to be gay follow negative stereotypes? Most people reconsider when one of their better friends comes out of the closet. As far as meeting other gay people, I'm assuming there aren't any GSAs or LGBT groups at your school, or you aren't comfortable going to one. But hang in there, college will make things much easier You'll be there before you know it.
