Ok, so I went snowboarding with 2 of my best friends from my hometown this weekend. They were on spring break and came to Mt Tremblant for the week, which is an hour away from Montreal, which is where I live now. So I came up for the weekend to spend two days with them. They are both totally straight. So my problem is, how do I tell them I'm gay? I tried many times to hint at it but I couldn't just say the words! It's like there was a mental block. For instance, they would see a hot girl and I wouldn't notice at all, they would say "yeah, you never notice girls, its like you are blind!". That would have been a perfect opportunity to say "yeah, I notice cute guys a lot though". I completely blew it! Then, we somehow we were talking about movies and the movie Trotski came up - I was like "remember Popular Mechanics for kids (we used to watch it all the time together), the guy in Trotski was one of the hosts!". Of course they are like, "OH my god what about Elisha Cuthbert (the host who was a girl), she was so hot"! So at this point they get suspicious - they are like "you remember Jay but you dont remember Elisha?, what did you have a crush on Jay?" I didn't deny it I just blushed a lot and didn't say anything, but they just thought I was being weird! So I really want to tell them but it feels like jumping off a 10 meter diving board. How do I get over this mental block! I only have a few hours before they fly home.
I'm thinking that it may be a leap of faith worth taking, especially since it doesn't sound like they'd be completly oblivious to the possiblity of you being gay or anything, to be fair they don't sound like they would fall out with you and if they did it may just be that they'd need some time to take it in. They sound like good friends and if you feel that it would be a load off your conscience, I support you, go for it!
Oh, I've had this problem. I solved it by sending text messages and things like that to tell people I was gay. If you can be reasonably sure that the people will be accepting, the main thing is just to do it, so that you can stop feeling all the anxiety about it. If you are having a problem saying it out loud, you can do it some other way.
Hmm, maybe they'd be fine with you coming out. I hope so. When you mentioned not seeing the "hot" girls that brought back memories of walking around campus in college and my friends pointing out this or that girl and me agreeing they were good looking, but I wasn't attracted like they were. Good luck to you if you tell them
I totally relate to what you are saying. Yes i have felt that mental block...the inability to physically actually say the words "I'm Gay". I practiced in front of a mirror...while driving around alone and the music up loud....and again in front of the mirror. It sounds weird, but it actually helps to say the words out loud (when your alone of course). It gets your mouth used to saying it (remember your mouth can't see who you're talking to). So when it comes time to actually say those words, you can, you've had practice. I hope this helps
The send-a-text plan seems to work really well when you can't quite say it out loud. (the old school method was a post-it note on the refrigerator) It has probably crossed their minds but they probably rejected it out of hand because it doesn't fit their past experience, but it doesn't sound like they'll have an issue with it. I'd say go for it. If you can't say it in person, send a text
i know how you feel my only friends before i was out where straight males that fit into the category or stoner or skater (usually both xD). I remember some i just let learn from other people after i came out on facebook and stuff. Others i did stuff like "oh i got to go to the GSA meeting" and then when conversation came to there are only lesbians's girls and gays in that club and where i fit in i'd go the gay part. If they are a close friend and you feel they are accepting tell them in person and take the leap. As it was said practice saying out loud to yourself and go for it one day. Other less close friends you can let hear by word of mouth but closer ones i'd recomend a direct conversation in person or at least by text/IM/FBchat/etc if it is really to hard for you to do
I know that at least for several of my coming out instances, my friends already knew, they just waited for me to come out. Some of my other friends tried to draw it out of me.....which i closed off a good deal of connection with because of it. The friends your describing seem wonderful, I would suggest that you keep at it, practice in front of a mirror when brushing your teeth, practice when your up in bed while trying to finally fall sleep, etc. My most memorable coming out experience was when i told a friend and they didn't take it like a big hit. They didn't reply except for "cool" and continued on thier way in our discussion.
So, a little update. Thanks again for all your help and advice! Unfortunately, my plan to come out to my friends today was a total fail Well, maybe not a total fail, because I feel that I dropped enough hints that they will be surely talking about it on the plane ride home! So anyways, this morning right after I posted this thread, I went for breakfast with the closer of the two friends. I've known him since I was 6, and we've been snowboarding together forever - we are practically family - I would stay over at his parents chalet every weekend when we were growing up and I even joined them on ski vacations! He has always suspected me of being gay. He has actually asked me in the past if I'm gay and of course I denied it (being in the closet and all). I feel like he would be super understanding since he is a musician/stoner coming from a super conservative family and also one of his roommates is gay. So despite the fact that coming out to him would be a bit of a Ricky Martin moment (I'm sure his response would be "yeah, I know dude, that's cool"), I couldn't put the words together. I was so frustrated with myself for not "taking the plunge". I will have to call him later because he is not a big texter and the lagged response time would just eat me up! BUT, something else happened today that I'm really proud of I will post that in a separate thread later.
>>>So despite the fact that coming out to him would be a bit of a Ricky Martin moment (I'm sure his response would be "yeah, I know dude, that's cool"), I couldn't put the words together. I was so frustrated with myself for not "taking the plunge". I will have to call him later because he is not a big texter and the lagged response time would just eat me up! You can always contact him another way. E-mail? Facebook private message? You can just say something like "I'm having the hardest time telling you something I'm pretty sure you already know. I'm sorry if I was a bit weird on our trip, but I think once I get beyond it, I'll be OK." Lex
That is a good idea! Really good acually - The only problem is, I think it would take 3 days to hear back from him! He doesn't check email often. What I might do is send a txt saying "call me when you get a chance - I've got something I need to tell you". I know - so ambiguous! :icon_mrgr
>>>That is a good idea! Really good acually - The only problem is, I think it would take 3 days to hear back from him! He doesn't check email often. You've waited a couple years, apparently. What's three more days? Lex
