So like.... I've been away from this forum for like... a while. A long while. I've been real busy with life, improving the quality of my life, getting better from my depression blah blah blah. But like... so now I have a boyfriend. We're each other's first boyfriends.... And as a lame description he seems kinda uke-ish. I am too, like... But so I guess here's the problem. We both have no exp. in anything romantically. When I brought up holding hands to him, I said it in a really really really roundabout way: "So like... (giant pause) You know how some people are like old married couples? Cause like... They actually are old married couples... But also, their behaviour is like an old married couples... Cause they don't do anything new or exciting. So like... they wouldn't do something they haven't done before... You know >_> ?" And he was like... : "...Yeah...?" And then I just asked him if he knew what I meant, he said no, so I just said "Hugging and holding hands and stuff" But then anyways... We were sitting on a kind of patio couch that had a swing in a store... Hopefully that makes sense. http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=...&ndsp=12&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:32&biw=1013&bih=667 yeah... that's some random image I found on google, I'm trying to paint a very clear picture of how it was like at the time. Anyways, we WERE swinging, and then after I said 'hugging and stuff' we stopped swinging. And we weren't looking at each other or anything, and it was just like a 2 minute giant long pause. And then eventually he just reached out and grabbed my hand and said "that was painful". So I guess it's hard for him to initiate too... Anyways, the problem is this: I dunno about steps and stuff... I would think it would go hold hands->hug->kiss. But I always thought I would kiss someone by like the third date. Maybe this doesn't matter? It's like our 5th date though... I also wanted to hug him before, I've never hugged anyone really before... I'm too scared to initiate though. I asked him maybe on our 2nd date if he wanted to hug, and he said "maybe next time", but that might have been because we were where people could see us. Anyways... I'm going on another date with him again today... Should I just steel my resolve and act out >_< ? Another prblem is like... I have allergies. Like severe allergies. I'm anaphylactically allergic to all nuts, and just allergic to eggs and seafood (it's weird... If I eat eggs/seafood, nothing happens that's life-threatening, but I end up getting sick for a week and have to stay home ._. ) So how would I kiss him >_>? It's awkward... Like... I brought it up to him on our first date as a heads-up sort of. So he knows he shouldn't kiss me if he's eaten those foods within 48 hrs, which is my kinda rule/guideline. Sorry this is a mess >_> Advice would be nice especially cause I'm new to all this stuff, and cause any advice I get would apply to future experiences too D= Thanks in advance people, I need to get ready and stuff for today.
He might not be the person that acts out towards their partners, especially in public. He might just need a little push and guidance, but do you know his personal life? I mean that like is he out at home and in school? How does he deal with that? With the allergy thing, you should train him in the use of an epi-pen incase you do come into contact with nuts. I would love to hear how everything goes with this next date and everything, feel free to add me if you need to talk, I'm all ears.
Congratulations on having a new boyfriend I feel like I have some advice I could lend But do not be afraid to write it off for a relationship I have had naught you may be wondering why I'm making this rhyme But that's because my mind is in story writing time for my story is currently facing writer's block and all of its greatness has yet to be unlocked but back to the matter that has you pained the one that you so deeply explained I can give an anecdote; one that's fair of two straight friends I knew that were a pair they both were relatively new to the game so much so that they didn't know each other's names but overtime thay knew each other more and bought gifts for each other at the store however neither was willing to take the relationship further for in their relationship there was no real nurture it was more of a ceremony "look who I have" and so after it ripened it began to turn bad it fizzled and died because they were too shy about letting the other know what they wanted and why so be open about what you want to receive and if he is receptive than you will have achieved success in finding the other's true desire and hopefully your love will fan like a growing fire to holding hands and hugging and to your first kiss as long as it isn't ruined by an overindulgence in fish so if you don't heed my advice that's fine as a newcomer to love I really don't mind I'm sorry I had to say this in rhyme but I sincerely hope you have a very good time U.N.Owen 3/13/2011
Just keep asking. Be direct, but casual and friendly. "I'd like to give you a hug - would that be OK?" If he seems reluctant or uncomfortable with the idea, feel free to back off. "If you don't think you're ready for that, that's fine. I just wanted you to know that I'm ready when you are." Lex
So are you guys having trouble doing things because you have yet to accept yourselves or are you afraid to put yourself in a vulnerable situation? I think if you announce "I want to hold your hand" then it no longer seems special but actually forced. Holding hands isn't that big of a deal. Id try to hold his hand again myself and just watch how he reacts. Smile and be confident, don't look over and be scared because you'll make him feel awkward too. He knows your not a pro, just loosen up, hold his hand, and maybe ask him if hes ok after you've held his hand for a sec. But you'll be fine no matter whos advice you follow. Give us a follow up please =).
K... So like... Today we had our date... Anyways. So we didn't hold hands today... but when he left I was torn, and I just decided to hug him goodbye. It didn't SEEM reciprocated... I dunno... If it was reciprocated, it was really weakly. So yeah... I'm still beating myself up over this >_< . I wish I hadn't done that... I hope it didn't feel like I was invading his space or anything... Lesson learned =/ Was I wrong for taking that step and being forward-ish? I had asked before if we could hug (on a previous date, but he said maybe next time), so I was wondering whether I should kind of sort of force it >_< I said sorry after, he said it was fine... Anyways, I'd like to keep this thread as an updater thingy as time goes on and etc. I need advice, relationship newbies that we both are. So yeah, he's out to everyone who asks, but he isn't going to tell his family... they haven't asked him, and he doesn't know if they have an idea. His family is like traditional asian... so yeah, that's why he's not telling them. And I taught him how to use an epi-pen actually, he was curious and said that "I should probably learn" cause he also has other friends who carry epi-pens around. I'm not really out myself... I'd tell people I know, who are actual friends, who are more than acquaintances... But if strangers/acquaintances asked... I'd probably either say flat out no, or I'd be torn on what to say, be silent for the longest time, and then say no >_> Which would probably be obvious as to whether I am or not... So yeah. I'm half-wondering, is he even into me and interested etc. ? >_< I dunno... Maybe my self-esteem is just lower than usual at the moment. He HAS asked me out on dates... It's like 50/50, who asks who out. So I dunno... Maybe I'm just insecure... Which I am >_< And thanks for the advice and thoughts so far people And... U.N.OWEN... What does this mean : o ? "as long as it isn't ruined by an overindulgence in fish"
You were not wrong for hugging him, some one has to do it. He might not have expected it tho, which could explain why it was week. If you two are in a relationship then both of you should recognize that, does he ever mention it? Maybe you should ask him how he thinks a relationship should work, and what he wants from it, i don't mean that sexually.
Well, like... This is how it basically happened: He asked me if I would consider us boyfriends, I said yes, I asked him if he did, he said yes. Then we went home from our date... And like 2 hrs later I see on facebook that he changed his status to: In a relationship And then I was kinda surprised, and then I changed mine too =) But we haven't told anyone other than close friends who we're dating. Anyways... I just wanted to rant here D= Like... I get more excited when I try and make plans to hang out with this boy who I had a crush on for like over a year, named B, as well as his friends A and Z. I've been trying to befriend him and 2 of his friends since like January, cause all three of them are nice... We haven't had the chance to hang out yet, but we're aiming to try and meet for spring break. I've tried to accept that he isn't gay (B), he probably isn't, people say he's dated girls before... but I dunno if I really have gotten over him. Whether he's gay or not doesn't matter to me kinda cause I'm going to befriend him no matter what, cause he's a really nice boy as well as A and Z. But like... I don't know what I would do if B told me he was gay. I don't know if I would stay with my boyfriend right now... I'm kinda insecure maybe, or maybe I am right in thinking that my current boyfriend isn't interested in me... I dunno if he's actually into me, my current boyfriend... I'll just call him L And here's a random somewhat funny but in my eyes it's just 100% gross, I'm sorry females >_< I had a dream I remember of me and a girl having sex and I was totally disgusted the whole dream. >_> Which kinda brings me to my next point... I've had dreams about B. Not even sexual, just like us hugging. Or me asking him out, or him asking me out, and us both becoming boyfriends. B is the only guy I've had a serious crush on and the only guy I've had romantic dreams about... He's really special to me... I don't think I would have had a crush on L. I was basically set up with him, and things seemed to be going well... I dunno... if L doesn't kinda show me he's interested... I dunno what I'll do... I've been waiting for so long to get a boyfriend, and now that I finally have one, he just doesn't seem into me... I'm kinda scared he'll break up with me but at the same time if a while passes... Maybe I'll break up with him, I really don't know... Advice/thoughts to help me sort this mess out would be great >_<
I'd say L is interested...if he wasn't that interested I don't think he would say he wanted to be your boyfriend...I think you both are just really really shy and nervious. Like whitefox said, you just have to let it come, it looses its specialnes when you ask to do somthing like hold hands, hug, kiss, etc...that stuff just becomes natural as you age in your relationship.
I was merely referring to the fact that in your post you said you were allergic to seafood. So if he had indulged in fish prior to the date and kissed you, it could be ruined because you would get sick. Sorry for putting my advice in rhyme. Look forward to the updates. ---------- Post added 14th Mar 2011 at 05:40 PM ---------- Thanks for the positive response, however I realize now that this rhyme might have been inappropriate considering seriousness of this thread.
There are so much similarities into whats going on in my life right now and what has been going on for the past couple of months. There is this guy I really like, we are friends but we're just taking it slow to see if anything delevops. Anyways, both of us are new to this too and I feel I'd be exactly the same in not knowing what to do and when to do it. Lex said to simply ask - I'd be sooo uncomfortable doing that. Even telling this guy I liked him was bad enough lol. But, I'd say just see how things go with L - feelings can develop (maybe not?) but at least he's made it rather clear that he wants a relationship with you - that's always a great start. Also, just because he's your first, doesn't mean you have to be with him for the rest of your life - just go with the flow, I feel both of you are probably feeling the same things and maybe over-thinking things - like I do WAY TOO MUCH lol. But, congrats on getting a bf - and I hope it works out!
There is never a time when rhymes and puzzles are inappropriate. In fact, if a desperate man sought advice from the wise man in the ancient times, he would have gotten exactly that, possibly a puzzle that is even more cryptic.
Can I ask....what are things like in private? Have you/do you plan to get physical when noone's watching? That would be how I'd tell if someone had a pda issue or not,
Depends what 'get physical' entails. At this point, I would only try to hug... We're both kinda not the pda type I guess anyways... And the rhyme was fine in fact, the fish part just boggled me till you explained XD
