i thought i was doing so well!

People who are flamboyant while in the closet and suppress that side of themselves tend to act more flamboyant when they come out but they already were that way. The amazing thing about being gay is that as you come out you tend to appreciate, or practice rather, the idea of being yourself. Whether that person is someone who loves musicals or someone who needs to know the score of the game, it doesn't matter. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you start acting flamboyant, so what? If that's who you are then that's who you are. I hate Ke$ha but we are who we are. The worst thing a person can do is trying to be someone they are not. It really isn't good for your psychological health. So stop trying to control yourself. I personally think the best thing you can do is live your life. Continue to come out to people you feel comfortable coming out to and let yourself be yourself.

 

If there is one thing I learnt through my coming out process is that its not always smooth, that doesnt always mean that something negative or bad happens but just that sometimes and for no apparent reason you take a couple of steps backwards, you just have to give it sometime, I think as you become more used to it the periods of relaxed happiness will become longer and the periods of panic shorter, just persist with what you are doing.

As for not appearing camp. I think it is all related to the fact you are not 100% comfortable within yourself with being gay yet and that is why you feel worried that everyone is looking at you and knows you are gay. When you become more comfortable you wont care whether or not people can tell you are gay. As for acting camp I say just be how you want to be, be true to yourself.

 

I don't think being camp is an involuntary thing! I personally don't act any differently when I'm around people who know and who aren't. Sure, maybe I do the occasional thing that might be slightly camp, but on the whole I'm pretty "straight acting" (though I hate that term). It's about being comfortable with who you are. If you're not camp, the gay police aren't going to come round.

In the words of the Pet Shop Boys (what did I say about being straight acting again?!) "it's all about change, it's a metamorphosis". But the metamorphosis isn't about changing into something who you aren't, it's about changing into someone who is comfortable with themselves, whoever that may be.

 

From what I've seen, yes, guys often DO become more femme/flamboyant/what-have-you when they come out. This can vary from barely noticeable to a complete 100% personality change. But here's the thing. If you suddenly become completely femmy after coming out, it'll be for one reason only - because you always WERE femmy. Because you spent years denying your true self, and you decided something similar to the thing you decided last weekend. That your happiness is mainly dependent on YOU, and if it's in your nature to be an effeminate homosexual, then fuck it - that's what you're going to be. In short, if you DO end up a lot more effeminate post-coming out, it'll be a wonderful and a liberating thing.

And that's all if it IS in your nature. The important thing is just to be you. And if that involves being masculine or feminine, it's all to the good.

Lex

 

You know, I haven't come out to anyone I know yet, but I've become much more comfortable over the last year in accepting that I'm gay, and sometimes I find myself sounding slightly flamboyant and it scares the hell out of me! But, in retrospect, I think I always had a mild bit of it anyways, I just didn't notice it before because I had been repressing things. Still, I must say, the thought of being a flamboyant stereotype in the future is not a particularly welcomed one; but if I can still keep who I am in tact I suppose I could learn to accept that there is a little bit of a flamboyance in me, instead of despising it.

 

I know exactly how you feel! I began "coming out" as they say around the same time as you did, and I feel like I'm on a roller coaster! So you're not alone! I don't know what to tell you, because if I did I probably wouldn't be feeling like this, but I just wanted you to know that you're definitely not alone! Hang in there--I'm trying to!

 

The funny thing is that now that I'm recently out I notice a lot more how real super straight guys act - turning around whiplash style too look at booty, saying stuff like "yooo bro I cant wait until it warms up and we'll see all the GIRLS out here when we leave the gym!" and I can't help but laugh a bit. I can't relate to it at all - not that I ever could, I just didn't notice it as much as I do now.

But not all straight guys act like this either - probably the same % as gay guys who act super campy. Most of the gay guys I know are just like me - just regular guys. I know 1 guy who's campy, out of dozens that I have met in real life.

I don't think I will change much - but even if I do change a bit who cares? I just want to be me, whatever that turns out to be.

 

You may be acting truely as yourself, which is awesome .
You may also just be over-thinking about what others are thinking. There is a good chance that people aren't even thinking about it. Regardless of what they are thinking, or if they are even thinking, it shouldn't matter.

No need to hesitate to be yourself . Coming out of the closet involves physically telling people, but also telling yourself and coming to terms with not only the fact that you are gay (or lesbian or all that other stuff) but finding more about who you truely are. The best thing you can do is let this happen

 

You have the conscious authority to make a decision and not act flamboyant. Where I think the grey area stands is where comfort and fear intersect. People who are flamboyant or "floppy" are not perfect, however they are often more comfortable with their sexuality. There are however people who maintain masculinity and be comfortable with being gay.

I do think personally however, that as you become more open with yourself the "flopping" wont bother you as much.