This is real. This is me.

Just hang in there!
I don't know what it feels like to have BPD but I know it must be hard. But remember, whenever you feel like letting go or giving up just think about what made you hold on for so long in the first place. You will find tons of nice and supportive people here.
Maybe you should confide in a close friend if you are feeling depressed over what is going on in your life.

 

I don't have BPD but I'm working on getting rid of social anxiety and depression and it's I know how difficult it can be to figure out who you are (I'm also dyslexic if that counts). But I know the one thing that has helped me is counseling and discussing these kinds of issues with a counsler.

 

I knew someone else with BPD who also had issues with sexuality and her parents not accepting it, as well as other conditions as a result of childhood trauma. So you're not alone.... and other people have gotten through it. You can too. (*hug*)

 

i went 3 different psychiatrists,they told same..i have obsessive tendencies.Black&white thinking.I'm kinda anti-social (isolated?) Not diagnosed though. I didn't have enough examination.

However i didn't went there enough so i don't think it was enough examination. I knew i'm like that so its not something very hard to notice.

Obsessive thinking is soul killer.If anybody have it, they know what im telling.Thats not like in movies.

Anyway, you are not the only fucked up person. Cheers

 

Welcome to EC! Home of the misfit toys.

Lex

 

From a fellow Michigander, I just want to remind you that the snow will be melting away over the next few weeks and life will return to the nature around us! These last couple months of winter are always the most depressing with the whole world grey and brown from the snow, but soon the grass will reappear and turn green, the trees will have leaves, and flowers will bloom! Its something to look forward to

 

Hi Kristine,
I have a major depressive disorder, childhood trauma, feel like I am socially retarded... and, like all that didn't make me enough of a reject, am just discovering that I'm gay too. Lol. Still a real person, like you, and beginning to accept that and live my life to the best of my ability. While some days that doesn't feel like it will be enough... (I have struggled with feeling suicidal as long as I can remember) other days it is. Make the most of them. I have found that depression passes -just have to hold on through it- and while I know the cycle will come 'round again, I have become aware of the need to take advantage of the in between times. My experience may be different from yours, but believe me there are all kinds of crazy and they are more normal than we know

 

hey, I think i can understand your situation, I had been suicidal my whole life, I thought it was normal and that everybody just was better at living then i was.I had childhood trauma as well and I found during my darkest moments and new or extra stress made life completely unbareable. My upbrining was strange, but something i was taught as a child stuck for some stupid reason. it was my mothers words reguarding suicide. " these people who say they wanna die they are just crying wolf. If they were really suicidal they would just kill themselves, theres nothing worse then crying wolf" (not good words of advice)
So I never cried wolf, when I got so sick ( mentaly) that i was obcessed day and night with killing myself I made a plan, I went to go do it but there was a flaw in my plan and I wasnt going to be able to do what i had planned, so i went home and replanned. It didnt take long until i had a new plan but as I sat there I started feeling guilty, the house i was in , i owned with a friend and he is a good friend. He didnt deserve for me to f*ck him over financialy and thats what would happen if i killed myself.
So i thought, I owe it to him. For him I decided I had to try to get better, i had to "cry wolf".

I called an ex ( who is still a great friend) and told her what was up and that i didnt know what to do, she contacted some family that lived kinda close to me and they picked me up and had me commited.

Sounds like things are going horribly wrong , but that was the beginning of me getting the help i needed. I never believed in psychiatry or psycology before and my plan was to put up with the doctors as long as i could which would absolve me of my "debt" to my friend, fake being better and fullfill my plan.

A strange thing happened (eventualy) i had a "good day" then the next was good..... It was like i had woken up with a new brain, the brutal torment i thought was normal was gone. I was shocked at how unnormal my brain must have been.

I was hospitalized for 3 months and did outpatient programs and it all added up to about 1 year. My only regret is not seeking help sooner. All the doctors i have worked with have all said the longer you go with out treatment the harder it is to get better. So if I find my mind starting to slip I will definately call my dr immediately.

sorry to write so much but I now feel this is a topic that needs to be discussed openly, there should be no shame in mental illness, and we shouldnt be embarassed to seek help.

At first i didnt want anyone to know but eventualy i told my cousins and one confided in me that she was bipolar but didnt want to seek professional help. But after hearing my story and me saying i wished i asked for help sooner she asked for help. And she is doing very well now, and same thing with another person i met.

I am on medication and probably will be for life but to have my mind the way it is now it makes it all worth it.

So i guess what i am trying to say is my advice is to get help and keep being honest with your doctors and work with them until you find what works for you, reguardless of weather or not you figure out your sexual orientation the mental illness will still be draging you down until you beat it.

It is truely amazing how different life is now that my mind is capable of dealing with everyday life.