I haven't been on for a while - I got busy and wasn't focusing so much on "teh gay" - but I'm back with a bit of an update and a request for advice. You may note that it is very ironic when juxtaposed with my signature. Earlier this year I followed the recommendations of the EC members and came out to my best friend. It went fine, and yesterday it really paid off. I've done a few posts here about my parents, and in the last few months, my mom has been making progress. She even suggested that we talk to one of my teachers (who we know will be accepting and keep it quiet) about it, which would be good for her and for me. The only thing that has stopped us is that she won't do it until we talk to Dad about it, so I volunteered to do it myself. On Monday of this week I tried to get myself to do it but failed. I beat myself up for that the rest of the week. I'm afraid of how the conversation will go. On Friday I finally sent a Facebook message to my friend about it. It was long, a vent if ever there was one, but his reaction was fantastic. He was supportive and encouraging. He told me not to beat myself up about Monday, and he made the point that if Dad still hasn't accepted my orientation (Dad was in a sort of calm denial after I told him) the only way it was going to happen was to talk about it, normalize it. My question is how to do that - particularly to take the first step on the proverbial journey of a thousand miles. My plan (inspired by the Facebook conversation) is to go to Dad tomorrow and talk about Mom's idea and let that go where it may, and in the future to bring this up a little more frequently (not everyday or anything, just often enough to make it clear that I have no problem with it). The problem is that I think when the time comes I'll just get paralyzed in nervousness again. If I can just get started, I should be fine even if the conversations are a bit uncomfortable, but that's a major obstacle. It doesn't feel quite like I'm coming out for the second time, but it's still nerve-wracking after six months of silence on the subject. Advice would be welcome, support even more, from anyone who's got any ideas. Thanks.
That sounds like a solid plan. Either way, there really isn't a perfect way to deal with this sort of thing. Do what you might think works for you family best. That's all that we can really do. You also don't have stick to mentioning it every couple of days, but just make sure that you mention it whenever you want to and feel like it. Don't let the fear of being uncomfortable about the topic stop you Also, congrats on having a good friend and a supportive mom on your side!
This sounds like a good plan. I agree with the above poster, just make sure you do it when you feel comfortable. Don't force yourself to talk about your sexuality if you're not ready to be entirely open about it. Then it's just awkward. Just make sure you're ready and you feel okay about it. The process will be a lot smoother.
Wait, what do you have to tell your dad? He already knows you're gay. Why is going to talk to this teacher a big deal that has to be announced? What is the purpose of talking to the teacher? I'm sorry if I missed something here, but I'm confused what the issue is. Congrats on coming out to all the people you have!
As I understand it, he and his dad have not talked at all about his sexuality since he came out. His dad seems to have been pretending it never happened. His mom wants to talk to his teacher, but she doesn't feel comfortable doing so without letting his dad know what is going on. It appears that she is also hesitant to discuss it with him. Horizon93 is nervous because, while he has come out to his dad, his dad did not really absorb the information. He has apparently been in denial about it. So Horizon93 doesn't really know how his father will react. He could react from any point in the grieving process. Significantly, the stage after denial is usually anger. Not fun. Anyway, Horizon93, just bring it up with your dad as you said. It won't do any good for you to enable his denial--that just basically puts you back in the closet. Don't be too alarmed if he goes through some difficult responses--it's normal that he would. But don't let him just refuse to face it. With your mom on your side, he should eventually come around. Let us know how it goes!
Thanks for the help, all of you - and I come with good news! Dad caught me totally by surprise, and while he said he still has some doubt that I'm gay he also says I have his full support (and Mom's full support), and he said I can tell people about it if I need to (because the worst thing you can do about a problem is bottle it up). It was one of the best conversations I've had in a long time. I don't need to worry about his feelings anymore. We're good. This is one very big problem solved. Thanks again!
