I realize this sounds like a silly question (despite the fact that most people are probably wondering the same thing), but how do people/how did you make friends. I'm about to graduate from college and despite meeting some cool people, there's never been anyone that I managed to keep a connection with or really hang out with outside of school (most people probably became close w/ their roommates but I had to commute). Other than highschool friends I've really never formed any other bonds, and the only reason I made friends there was because 1) I knew someone from elementary school and I initially made friends w/ the people she knew, and 2) You're around the same people all the time everyday, and in situations like that it's easy to form a bond. The benefits of not having people around me were that I really got to forge my likes/dislikes and knowledge about music/authors/film directors/poets/philosophers/psychologists/etc, but the idea of not having any friends that I can actually physically see and not have to talk to via phone rather sucks. Plus, it would probably be a lot easier for me to come out to people who didn't know me since I was young. So, how do you make friends?
Making friends is all about putting yourself forward. Start a conversation with someone, if you like them, exchange phone numbers. Call them, invite them over, have dinner with them. Basically, court them the same way you'd court a potential lover.
I'm in a similar situation, but forme not being around people, I get influenced easy on subjects But if you talk to someone and get used to them, you'll connect.
Yea I don't know... I tend to just "gravitate" towards people with personalities that I am attracted to, and then I just "whore" myself out there and ask them if they want to hang out lol.
I'm really shy, so I have a hard time making new friends. But if you can get involved in activities with people, that meet regularly, you can get to know them slowly. That helps me to feel more comfortable. Then you can just start inviting them to do things and whatever. If you choose activities you genuinely enjoy and are interested in, then you will have a common interest with the people you meet automatically, as well. Do you have any hobbies (even ones that have maybe been dormant for a while)?
I know nothing about the act of courting, however LOL. ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2011 at 09:09 PM ---------- See, the idea of "asking (someone) if they want to hang out" is an alien concept to me. I've actually never done it before (which would probably explain the lack of friends). Again, when you're in high school you're around people all day so you just do hang out with them, you know? There's no asking involved. How would you ask someone without sounded needy and weird and overbearing. I feel like I would easily scare someone off by asking them "hey, you wanna hang out some time". Idk. ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2011 at 09:13 PM ---------- Hmm, I like how you think. I'm not sure what kind of activity I could get involved in tho where I would be with the same group of people :/. I'm not sure what activities I could get involved in at all to begin w/ lol. Any suggestions?
The reason we make friends so readily in school? Forced interaction. In high school, we're put in the same building with the same group of folks for about 200 days a year. In college, if you're in a dorm, you LIVE with them in addition to that. Being in such close proximity, it's pretty easy to make friends. After college, that ends. You might interact with your co-workers to some degree, and you might run into a couple people in your apartment building from time to time. But that's it. Your days of "forced interaction" are over. And yeah, it can sound needy to ask somebody if they want to hang out. Which is why we usually frame it in context of the activity rather than the actual "interaction". We rarely ask people "Would you like to hang out sometime?" Instead, if you meet another person who likes the same kind of movies you like, you might say "I was excited to see (movie) when it comes out next week. Would you like to go see it with me?" Or if you both like video games, you might invite him over to play some new game you picked up. Or if you're both foodies, you might invite him to try a favorite restaurant, or invite him over to try one of your favorite recipes. It'll all depend on your commonalities. Lex
Ah in high school its still not much different, you can ask someone if they want to go see a movie that friday night or something. I remember the first friend I made in high school, he called me one night to ask me how to do a homework question, then afterwards, he shared with me his favorite music over the phone and we played each other music for an hour, and then he asked me if I wanted to go see a movie that friday night. ---------- Post added 21st Mar 2011 at 12:34 AM ---------- It is not guaranteed that you will like each other's activities, but if there is someone you want to be friends with, humour them by inviting them to do one of your activities. They might not like it already, but maybe they haven't tried it before. Show them something interesting, and then let them know if they want to see more you guys can go and do something together. ---------- Post added 21st Mar 2011 at 12:38 AM ---------- Also, since you are going to be doing grad school soon, as I gather from your other post, you will have a good opportunity to make friends with the other students under your supervisor or your department. Bright happy fun days are ahead! Cheer up!
Hi there! I like the suggestion of joining an activity. Joining a club or activity in your community centre or in school gives you already something in common with others and a way into a conversation or a chat on which you can build upon. Maybe try finding something that corresponds to your interests/hobbies and give it a try. What are your hobbies? For example, if you like reading, maybe try joining a book club. If you are at college, perhaps go through the list of the clubs/organizations on campus and see if there is something that sparks an interest in you. Another thing you could look into, is perhaps joining a LGBT support group or an LGBT social group. Even though you are not out (according to your out status info) the great thing here is that no one would really ask you about your orientation and would you need to reveal it. Not sure if you would be comfortable with it, but it would be something to consider. I think Lex's point about forced interactions is something to keep in mind though and the fact that it will come to an end at some point. However, if you can start making some new friends now, and start becoming more comfortable interacting with people and find your own way of making friends or getting to know others, you will make it a lot easier on yourself for the future.
Well, it's best if it's something you actually like, and since I don't really know you, it's hard to make suggestions. It could really be almost anything. I like book clubs, and sometimes writing groups. I joined a choir recently. A friend of mine used to be in a ghost hunting group, that would go and investigate places that were reportedly haunted. Sports teams, while not a personal favorite of mine, are especially good for encouraging you to build relationships with your teammates. You can find clubs or groups for almost any interest or hobby, depending where you live. In New York, I expect you should be able to find just about whatever you want. As you come out, you will probably be able to find groups for the same activities that are specifically for gay people. So, what are you interested in? What sort of things have you enjoyed participating in before? Is there anything you've always wanted to try, but you just never have?
I have been really struggling with this since coming out in November. I came to the stark realization that I had no gay friends. In fact all my friends were couples, straight couples. I know that my life will be taking me in a different direction then I was heading before, and that it would behoove me to have some gay friends. What did I do? What I always do....I googled it I discovered a gay mens support group that met not too far away and on a convenient night. I really didn't try to think about it much or over analyze my feelings, or worry about being shy or intimidated. I really couldn't afford those luxuries. I needed gay friends dammit :eusa_clap, i was going to find some. I made the descision to go and went. It was a bit awkward, but my ultimate goal was to meet new people and hopefully make some friends. Its been about 2 months, I've gone to group every week. I made a conscious decision to put myself out there, to participate in any social events, to make time and space for anyone there. To that end I've had several coffee dates with different guys (nothing romantic, just friends), gone out dancing as a group a few times, gone to a concert. I think/hope that its working. I can call/text/fb several of them and chat or go hang out. This route may not be for everyone. But the fundamentals of it hold true for everyone. Find something that interests you, find a group of people that engage in that interest. Join them. Have fun. Make new friends. I would also like to recommend a book for reading. Don't let the title turn you off, it is a fantastic book that describes and breaks down how to actually interact with other people in a "real" way: How To Win Friends And Influence People - Dale Carnegie I yet again bow to your wisdom Lex
Lmao, that sounds terrifying X_X :badgrin:. I guess that's just how it works, though. ---------- Post added 21st Mar 2011 at 05:37 PM ----------
Go to stuff. Join any group that you have something in common with.... gay groups, political groups, hobby groups.... anything that meets regularly and where you will have a common interest. If you go to those sorts of things then you'll see people regularly so then you just need to talk to them and if you get on well then invite them to do something. You can also do the same thing around where you live. Organise a block party or a complex get together or something..... the sort of thing people do when everyone's just moved in and you want to get to know each other. That can be a good way to get to know people who you see a lot but don't really talk to.
