First let me give you guys some backstory. We have literally been friends for over 20 years. My mom and her mom were friends and we have been babysat together, went to the same preschool, elementary school, high school and college. She tutored me, we hung out together, and even as we found our own interests and social circles we still stayed friends and we never had a real fight ever. We're more like siblings that get along REALLY well as opposed to friends. She's also really open minded. She has a friend who's gender neutral and many gay, bi and lesbian friends and she's totally cool with it. But by the same token, she's cool with it, but she doesn't "get" it. I love her but she thought something sexual could happen between me and my guy friend (who happens to be the femmiest gay man I know) since we were making plans to move out together. Moving on. Last weekend we went on a small trip to toronto by bus. I had planned to find time to tell her, but every time the opportunity came up, I choked. I just couldn't do it. It was like someone had asked me to pick up a spider (sidenote I'm petrified of spiders). And then on the bus ride home we had stumbled upon the subject of her GQ friend she she was correcting me on pronouns, as opposed to the other way around! The thing is, whereas the GQ friend she has tens to lean on the more masculine end of the spectrum, i tend to balance between girly and completely neutral. Sometimes I want to wear girl pants, sometimes I wanna wear a truckers hat. always keep my hair short, no makeup. I like "girly things" like kittens and puppies and Fall out Boy. I like "nerdy boy things" like video games and Watchmen and legit hardcore. I feel like I don't know how to express this to her properly, because she already knows one gender neutral individual, Im worried that she'll never see me as gender neutral, just as a girl trying to fit into the shoes of a boy. Advice or suggestions would be great. At this point I'm not even sure if I actually need to come out to her, but sometimes I feel like I really need to.
Maybe when you next have a conversation about her other GQ friend, you could talk about gender as a spectrum, including where you feel you fall on it.
If she is cool with gays and have gay friends..she seems like she'll take it okay.Some people don't get it, because they can't empathize.But from your words she'll be fine with it.
Sometimes it is hard for people to 'get' it. To fully understand what you are going through. They may want to empathize, want to understand, but unless they actually live it... This doesn't mean that she is uncaring. It doesn't mean she won't be your friend. All it means is that her sexual orientation journey will be and is different from your own. She can still be the awesomenest friend to lean on. If you need someone who is more understanding of your internal thoughts and feelings you may have to find some LGBT groups or specifically gender neutral (or trans...idk) groups to visit.
