Recently I have been pondering this question: What does it mean to be openly gay? This is a phrase I hear tossed around a lot, and on the surface it seems somewhat intuitive. However, the more I think about it, the more I wonder what it means. Before I proceed I should clarify that I attend a very liberal college, and it's probably one of the safest environments to be gay. I used to think that being openly gay meant that everyone knew that you're gay. But in reality that's impossible; not everyone is going to know (i.e. when you make a new friend, they're not going to know right away about your orientation). So what I now believe is that it comes down to being honesty. Being openly gay means you're honest about your sexuality. That's fine on a theoretical level, but I'm still struggling with in on a practical level. Initially when I began coming out I just told a few people. It was mostly because I needed someone to talk to about how I was feeling. Recently I've made the decision that I'd like to move forward in my life and be open about my sexual orientation. I spoke to one of my gay friends to bounce some ideas off of her. I was initially considering make a large statement to my group of friends (see my other post on coming out to a team), but she recommended telling people one on one (as it's a more controlled environment and much easier than telling a group of people). So that's what I've been doing. I've gone from only a few select people knowing to roughly 10. It's been really nice. I've also gotten a lot better at shortening my coming out story (which used to take at least an hour) down to "I've been questioning my sexual orientation. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it is somewhere between bi and gay. I just wanted to let you know." I was hoping that once I started telling these people that word would start to spread among my other friends. I've told these people that I am trying to be open, and they can feel free to tell others if they wish. While I know that some have told others, I'm not sure who knows that I'm coming out. Perhaps almost everyone knows. Perhaps just the people I've told (in addition to a few others). I just really don't know. There have been a number of times I've been chatting with one of my friends, and wondered if they knew. This debate has also lead me to question of why I want to be open about my orientation in the first place? Since I am in a safe environment to do so, my answer to this is that I don't want to hide it from my friends anymore. I'm sick of it. I also want to have a chance at meeting people for a potential relationship, and I feel this will be a lot easier once I'm openly out. I'm still debating what to do next. Do I keep telling people one on one, and hoping that eventually the word gets out? Perhaps make an announcement? Or maybe change tactics altogether? I'm curious what others think, both on a theoretical and practical level, about what it means to be openly gay.
To me, being openly gay is a lot of things. It means I can be honest about myself with my friends and family, it means I don't have to feel so alone about being gay, and it means I can finally stop obsessing about telling my secret to everyone and actually start living my life.
^ Agree, and yeah, you feel good about yourself, you accept who you are, you dont lie , tell the truth when whoever ask you, you stop worrying about your sexual and live a happy life.
I believe im openly gay, cos if anyone asks me I let them know, but then again, not everyone who knows me knows that Im gay. That said I dont believe that its necessary for everyone who knows me to know that Im gay, for instance, I dont think its fully necessary for me to tell my managers and supervisors at work what I do in the bedroom, cos honestly its not their business. Basically being out (in my opinion) is being honest to anyone who asks
I agree with that but I would add anyone who needs to know or who it would be helpful or simpler if they new. I tend to take the attitude of assuming people know I'm gay (even though there is no reason why they should) and correcting them if they assume otherwise. You never stop coming out though. Every time you change school, change job, join a new social group or sports team or whatever, you need - over time and as convenient - to come out again. I joined our local Linux Users Group a couple of months ago. I think a couple of the members have now begun to figure it out and the rest probably haven't. When we are chatting about Linux an PCs etc though it is irrelevant, so there is no point in me standing up and announcing that I'm gay. Also people will start to know me and my interest in the subject of the group etc, so as and when the fact that I'm gay becomes known it should be less of an issue.
I think our dear Paul has hit it right on. I now basically presume that everyone in the whole world knows I'm gay, and if they question it or get it wrong, I correct them. I willingly talk about gay topics if they come up and I make no attempt to hide that I'm gay. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that I begin every conversation with, "I'm gay," but instead, I just presume the person already knows.
