Hi, I'm back for some more advice! Basically it turns out that 3 people I know (albeit not extremely well) are gay (well technically lesbian). Only one of these people have told me they are gay, and it was extremely casual. At the moment only my brother knows I'm gay, as well as two female friends. So, I'm wondering whether I should reach out to these people or not. Would it be weird? I don't really want this to get out (just yet) because I need a bit more time due to my circumstances surrounding me (family and homophobic friends etc.) but I have 3 people I know or at least according to Facebook are indeed actually gay. I feel as if I have no trouble talking to people who are distant to me about being gay, but with close friends I just can't talk about anything like this. Should I reach out and talk to them about how they dealt with issues around being gay and coming out?
Go for it. Since you say they're out, I can't imagine that they wouldn't be eager to help in any way they can. It's often easier to open up to people who are a little more "distant" and aren't directly involved in the situation.
I always think that part of coming out and it's infinite endeavor is that you should always have a strong group of friends to back you up no matter what. That way, even if you come to someone who responds negatively, you always have your friends as a failsafe. I totally agree that you should come out to your friends. Get yourself a gay posse. Haha!
You can pretty much always tell other gay people. Needing to have gay people to talk to is sufficient reason, and will not seem strange to them.
I'd say feel free to talk to the person who actually told you. She's obviously OK with it, and comfortable with you knowing it, so she sounds like she might be a good ally. As for the others, I'd hold off on specifically hunting them down. Feel free to start interacting with them more, if you have an easy way to do so - via Facebook or what have you - but I'd start with the one who actually told you first. Lex
when coming out it is incredibly important to build a base of support with friends and other LGBT people can be the best when it comes down to dealing with the stresses that go along with coming out and being openly gay. Obviously they will react positively and they can be a great resource if you have questions and can help you to sort of "enter" the LGBT community. It is likely they know other LGBT people and that means more help/support, and when your ready to search for a relationship more chances of being able to meet someone. In general as long as you trust them then there is no reason not to. If you don't care if they tell people then there is definitely no reason not to and it can only help, if you do want them to keep their mouth shut then simply make sure they are the kind of person you trust and then let them know you would like them to keep it to themselves because you are still coming out and don't want to get rushed out so to speak and let them know of the delicacy of your situation. If they are not friends with your homophobic friends or family then you will probably be safe anyways, and if they don't hang out with the same people as your friends then your even more safe. But like i said if you trust them and let them know that you really need them to keep it a secret for now until you come out to some other people in person and let them know of your family and friends issues then i think it would probably just be beneficial, especially if they are closer friends of yours. If you don't know them that well however, it would probably be better to wait to come out to them as you need to know you can trust them.
Building a gay posse is incredibly helpful in many ways, externally and internally. Utility wise, they are there for your personal support and stability. But what is more important is that, as they say, who you hang out with has an impact on your view of the world; Being good friends with LGBT people will gradually ease your acceptance of who you truly are, as I think most LGBT people advocate individuality in a society that tend to conform. And living and breathing with individualistic people everyday reinforces that.
Certainly reach out. I mean Empty Closets is a wonderful place to ask for advice, but it something else when you can expose yourself to the real, tangible, thing. Its really neat that you are exposed to this so early in your stages of "being out" take care,
Thanks for the advice guys. I'm going to try and get the confidence to bring it up. Its sort of really weird when I think about it. Everyone who knows I'm gay is actually straight. I really do wish I knew some gay people, especially some gay guys, but a lesbian friend is a good start I guess.
Of course it is a good start! Each person you are open to is a good start. The advantage to being around gay friends is that they allow you to feel more comfortable with being yourself. Because allot of the time they understand the feeling. Its much easier to be silly, and fun about your orientation when you are with gay friends, and even straight friends for that matter. It gets much easier over time, and you should always remember to take a moment and laugh at yourself. Thats said, I would like to enforce the idea of reaching out to some gay friends. They really are wonderful
