So, I've always wanted a family. A wife, a few children. I want to have that girl to protect and love and provide for. Always. I've had crushes, girlfriends, and have fallen for women, But I've never felt too sexually attracted to them. On the flipside, I have always found males sexually attractive. So I decided to come out, and have been on dates and ive felt nothing. I've never actually been attracted to them in the sense of mentally and emotionally. Like, I could never see myself with a guy in a relationship or in the future. And now, suddenly I've started becoming really turned on by women in a way I never have before. It's like I've only just entered the stage every straight male entered at 14. You know how sometime you hear of people, and I'm sure there are many on here, coming out late, even after being in relationships, even marriages, and having sexual partners of the opposite sex only to realise they're gay years later. Well for me, it's the opposite. Just as I'm used to being gay, I start getting turned on by females. I've identified as bisexual because I WANT to be with a girl, the thought of having sex with one doesn't repulse me, but it's never really wowed me, either. So I admit, I did begin questioning whether I really was bi or just gay. Until recently. Now my mind is a total head fuck because just as I accept my gayness I have uncontrollable urges to want to bone women like never before! It's been like that for a few months and now I just don't get it. Anyone had similar feelings or can offer me advice?
Perhaps the best thing you can do is not label yourself. If labelling yourself gay/straight makes you feel restricted, just don't label yourself If you feel comfortable calling yourself bisexual, that's fine. Just don't feel the need to label yourself anything you're uncomfortable with.
Hi there. Another Jim here. :smilewave It's always hard to know how much of what we want is because we really want it, or because society has told us that we want it. I had crushes on girls growing up. I always assumed (not necesssarily wanted, but assumed) I would get married and have kids. So I did. And I wasn't happy. I didn't go into my marriage knowing I was gay but doing it anyway. Only in hindsight do I realize how I was SUPPOSED to feel. Because I eventually came to realize that I was gay. And I came to accept it as well - those really are two different things. And when I started to accept that I was gay, I started to envision having a relationship with another man. And I warmed up to the idea. Before long, I met an amazing guy who I'm engaged to be married to this summer. I am totally comfortable with him, and our relationship now feels completely 'normal'. So I don't know if this makes sense, but perhaps you need to give yourself permission to have feelings for another man. The combination of emotional AND physical attraction to the same person is really incredible.
Thanks, both of you. Jim, the thing is, I have given myself permission. I was actively seeking it, I was urging it. But when I'm faced with it, when I am in a position to feel something, I don't. And it's not even a case of not feeling anything towards a certain person, it's actually a feeling of not wanting to be in a relationship with a guy. I wouldn't say I'm repelling it for fear or backlash from society, or in some vain attempt to be straight. It's actually a very natural feeling rather than me feeling it because I've convinced myself to. I would say I have accepted who I am and that I find guys sexually attractive. I have come out to both myself and my relatives and friends. And I'm fine with it, I embrace it as part of who I am, hell I've even gone from resenting it to liking it. It's just that emotional connection I can't fathom. I want to want a relationship with a guy, but I just don't want it.
Then perhaps you're one of those guys who feels "guys to bed, girls to wed". You certainly aren't the first. Feel free to hook up (safely) with guys if you want to, and/or pursue an actual dating-relationship with a woman if you want. Although it'd be nice to keep everybody informed if you do both at the same time. Lex
I totally get what you're saying. But like what the other poster said, the best thing to do is to not label yourself and go with the flow. You don't have to be straight, gay, or bi. Just like who you like and be with whoever you feel is right to be with. I'm going through the same stuff and I for sure as heck can't take my own advice (lol), but I'm sure that's the best thing to do. Well personally for me sexual and emotional attractions are packaged together, but in your case I would say always pick the one you're emotionally attracted to than sexually. Sex is nothing. Emotional connection can be everything. Not to sound nasty, but if you're with someone you have a genuine connection with sex would be the least of your concerns and there are plenty of ways to "release" it, but if you're with someone purely for sex remember that your right hand has no capacity to love you back.
