New to the boyfriend thing

You have a date for Sunday. You are getting a little ahead of yourself freaking out about about the long term, when it's still your first date. When you first start dating someone, male or female, it is always a sort of trying-it-out period at first.

And, if any relationship doesn't end up working, it is always part of the "back-up plan" to get out of it. Or do you mean you have a plan for how to get out of it? That would usually be accomplished by saying, "I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. I think we need to move on," or something to that effect.

Go on your date. If you have a reasonably good time, go on another one. Slowly, you will both find out whether a relationship between you can work--you don't have to know that on the first date.

Have fun!

 

I've only been dating for about 4 months now--slowly at that--and I have done the same thing. My biggest piece of advice in coming out is that it simply takes time. Time, time, and more time. Every few weeks I feel like I've leaped another mountain...be it on understanding myself, accepting myself, learning how to interact with others, or further establishing the outlines of who I want to be long term.

I have jumped into future planning, too, and am currently dealing with some of these issues. My only defense is to offer myself the time I need to figure everything out. This in addition to offering those I meet and interact with the time they need to become comfortable or whatever the goal is. I rushed into some things but also remained very cautious. It didn't take me long to start seeking a boyfriend. Many tell me I'm crazy for this goal but it is what I want, partially because of how I was raised. Not to mention the fact that the longer I am looking, the higher my chance of meeting someone great. I don't want to waste another moment. There are enough life problems that can slow someone on their search which can't be avoided. The guy I am communicating with seems great, but I need to get to know him better before I would even think about asking him to start a relationship with me.

 

I have always believed in the idea of experimentation, however, I believe you are making many mistakes. You are right when you implied that there is nowhere to go in your relationship with this man. He obviously stated that he was only interested in sex. When you are telling someone your penis size over the internet, it essentially means he wants a booty call. There is nowhere to go after a booty call, because he's using you. Its not a healthy way to explore.
Furthermore. To use a woman to have a family and just to "try things out" is kind of selfish my friend. A person is not an item, you cant just toss them to the side when you lose interest.

I would like to see you take a pause in your life for right now, and compose yourself. Find out who you are before you seek someone else. And one could argue that is what you are trying to do right now, but there are healthier and safer ways of doing it. Especially without risking disease from a stranger who you dont really know.

Please hold on to your virtue, its important you give it to someone special.

 

Um, they have a movie date. And the guy is six feet tall; penis size has not been discussed. (6'=six feet, 6"=six inches.) I think the "stats" are mentioned because dylangoelz wants us to understand that the guy is a big, masculine black dude, and also older than him, and he is feeling a little intimidated by it.

The guy likes him. They have apparently discussed relationship roles, which is something one doesn't generally do when just looking for a "booty call."

dylangoelz wants to try going out with a guy because of his persistent sexual attraction to, and sexual fantasies about, men. That's why he mentioned that he is "fascinated with gay sex," which is the only mention of sex in his post. I don't think there is anything to suggest that they are planning on having sex on Sunday, although it's possible. But they are starting with a movie date--so even if they are having sex, they are not just having sex.

Despite his attraction to men, he is having some difficulty letting go of the mental image of his future with a heterosexual family. He has probably not known many gay people with families, and so he doesn't have the same internalized model of what that will be like that he has for the "traditional," Leave-It-To-Beaver family structure, so he is having a hard time imagining it. Because of this, he is worried that he won't be able to have the life he wants with a man.

When he actually dates a man, his mental projections will be about himself and that specific other person, rather than being abstractions about two men. With some time, this should help clear up the problem.

I think a movie date is a good start.