Maybe Death Is The Only Way Out....

aww, it sounds like you're in a really rough situation, but you aren't alone. I'm not good at giving advice, but maybe you could move after school? things don't stay bad forever, and in the meantime, have some fun while you're abroad?

 

I'm sorry that you feel so alone and lost and that uncertainty about your future is getting in the way of your studies. However, suicide is not the answer. Like advice columnist Dan Savage often says, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Do hang in there; years from now you will look back at this particular low point in your life and it will seem incredible that you ever contemplated committing suicide, and thus miss out on all the good things that are to come your way.

Since you feel at the moment that you can never come out to your parents, then perhaps you should focus, for now, on more tangible problems, like the fact that you don’t know any gay people. As far as I know, homosexuality is not illegal in Russia, although LGBT individuals still face harassment, discrimination, and societal stigma. Russia seems like a much better place than Malaysia for you to explore the LGBT community, especially since you’re living in a large city. Have you looked into any resources available to you in Moscow or considered joining any LGBT groups? Perhaps just talking to other people in person about your situation will both take off this overwhelming pressure you feel to come out to your family, and show you concrete examples of the fact that you can, indeed, have a happy life despite all the obstacles you face.

 

I feel that you shouldn't feel so hopeless, stop analyzing your future and find a course of action of hope.

 

He's right, and you shouldn't think too negatively, you could just consider moving to a more LGBTIQ friendly country (or at least where it's legal), Like Hong Kong, or Australia; both of which are (relatively) close to your family, and (as far as I know) are Desperately looking for more people in the Medical Profession.

Your options are widely open, and worst comes to worst; your skills should give you a heads up to get to a country that is more accepting.

 

Hey, I'm from Malaysia too!

And to be honest, I am not the best person for suicide advice. But what I know is that, if you're going to give up on life because you're at a trough at present, then you are also giving up the hope that it will be better in the future. And more often than not, it will always be better in the future, it's kind of like a law

Well, although I know it's hard to meet gay people in malaysia or perhaps in russia, but you're now here in an online community filled with LGBT-identified individuals. So you're not really alone. Participate in the community, talk to us, tell us about your experiences, etc etc.

And there is ALWAYS a chance in the future where you can move to a place where being gay doesn't get as much stigma (i.e. Toronto ). So don't give up now.

 

I shouldn't be talking, but DON'T kill yourself. You are in a very hard situation at the moment but there is hope. A lot of things can happen in a year and even two years. And you are not alone.

Yeah, some of us, I would even say a lot of us have our minds wander to the option of suicide when the going gets tough. I am no exception. But I am convinced you have SO much to live for and that you will thank yourself in the future for pulling through. Sometimes life is so wonderful and many times I thank myself for not ending my life in the past.

You are in my prayers. You are not alone. I would recommend sticking around here and other LGBT online communities.

One day you will be out of school, free from your family, and can make a lot more life decisions. Maybe planning on moving somewhere else is a good idea. You have to figure that out. At least, if you could afford it, residing somewhere else that is more affirming of gays and lesbians might be something to think about.

You're gay but you are you and the you you always were. You just found a word to express a good portion of that. But don't let your country or the family that was used to bring you into this world be a reason for you to leave this world so soon.

You do need a break from worrying, though. It might be hard, but enjoying simple pleasures and entertainment can be very healing when you have the time for it.

And most of all, you've done nothing wrong and are not wrong for being gay. The ones who tell you otherwise are the ones who are so incredibly wrong. You have a reason to be alive and your trial and hardships will be a testimony of your strength and will be a testimony that homophobia is deadly and is wrong, no matter what excuses are made for it (i.e. religion). And again, you are not alone. Homophobia affects ALL of us in some way. We all are doing our best to cope with it and fight it. I spend countless hours accumulating information through the net and writing about it, especially as a lesbian and Christian, to help understand it and attack it at its roots and challenge the perceptions of those in my own family and people who share my basic beliefs and help to gain support or end a lot of the hurt and lies in that way.

I don't know you personally, but I and many others are fighting for you as we are fighting for ourselves. Our time to be who we are freely will come. Our time to love freely will come. Our day will come. You want to see that day come, too, don't you?

There is hope. Hope and love and faith that we will make it, and truth are our weapons and they are the key. If you can find hope and love yourself as you are and know that love and acceptance can reach across space and time and if you can be content knowing the truth of who you are even if others don't know and wouldn't accept it at this moment, then a large portion of this battle is won.

Anyways, sorry if that was too advice-giving and tinted with my own spirituality, but I will be thinking of you. When you are in that state...yeah, suicide seems very viable, but the answer, as hard as it sounds, is to feel good about who you are. It's a process like anything, but it'll come. Ever look at the It Gets Better Project on the web? Dunno, it always makes me feel good to see so many LGBT individuals and supporters showing a loving and positive attitude. It's infecting in a good way.

 

Welcome to EC! As you're learning from the responses above, you're NOT alone. There ARE other people just like you (even from Malaysia). It sounds like your path might be more difficult than some others, but sometimes we're forced to be in some rather lousy positions in order to get ourselves to better places. So keep at it. Keep studying, and keep working, so that the future-you can get to a place where he can be gay and happy. Because such options ARE available.

Lex

 

Your country, not you, is the problem.

Commit yourself to immigrating into the US at some point in your life. It's much better here all around.

 

Hello nk1989, and welcome to EC!

You are not alone. You will find a lot of people on this website who will listen, help, and offer advice. I realise that Malaysia and Russia are not friendly places for gay people (I have a good gay friend from Russia, and my boyfriend is Malaysian), but you've got to hold on to the truth: that you are good and valuable and worthwhile exactly as you are.

Whenever you feel lonely or sad, please do come back to EC and post, or just read what other people have written. I spent a lot of time reading things here before I came out, and it helped me a lot.

My advice for handling medical studies and lots of work and being gay is to take things one day at a time. Don't think about the future too much, because it's a big thing, and you have lots you need to do now. Focus on studying for now, and once you've graduated, and become a doctor, there will be lots of options for you... like living away from your parents, in a different country, even, and living your own life the way you want to. But right now, you've got to keep working hard to make that possible!

Remember that you're not alone, and that you are fine exactly as you are!

 

There are plenty of countries looking for people with medical training..... if you can hold on and get yourself qualified then it shouldn't be too difficult to find yourself a job that allows you to move to a country where you won't have to hide. Things will get better if you just keep going.

 

All I can say is "When you feel like giving up remember what kept you going for so long." That quote somehow helps me when I am feeling down.
Seriously though don't give up, things do get better, and you can always wait to come out until you move to a more accepting place.