It's a while since I've posted at all, so I just want to summarize my life in this regard so far. For much of teenage years and thereafter, I moved from thinking I was gay, straight or bi. I met a girl in February 2007 and we really hit it off, went out till she broke up with me at the end of April, after 14 weeks. November 2008, realized I had a crush on a male friend and that I was definitely more gay than straight. January 2010, kissed a friend, we dated from May till the very start of this year, when he broke up with me. So after nearly 25 years, I've kissed/been kissed by two people. I know it's hard to ask when you don't know me, but I wonder what I could be doing better. I suppose a little bit introverted, but not exceptionally so, I can be outgoing enough. Neither myself nor my younger sister went to parties much during school, but we both got heavily involved in extra-curricular college activities. I don't shy away from the dance floor if it's there, and we're all out. We're similar enough, but she's had a few boyfriends, the last having gone for just over two years. I'm not the most obviously gay, last night even after talking about another boy's attractiveness, a boy there, who I'd only recently met, didn't cop onto me being gay. But I'm definitely out, I've spoken and written publicly on political gay issues, and people generally do know. And recently I did kind of ask someone out, "If you're looking for something to do when you get back, do you want to go for lunch?" He said he'd call, but didn't. Him aside, do you have any pointers as to how I could find someone, and then know if I should go ahead and ask them out?
I am in no position to guess why your two relationships ended quickly. I suggest you stop describing the positivity of yourself to us, as it doesn't really help us help you, and instead investigate in trying to get your sister or someone close to you to tell you what are some of the negative aspects they perceive/have to tolerate in their relationship with you.
Let me say this first: Relationships are a partnership where two people grow together. One should be happy with them self before seeking out another; if not it would be co-dependence. That said, problems arise in a relationship in the incident where one person grows faster than the other. The solution to this issue is communication. For example, fights willalways happen. It is the responsibility of each partner to accept why it has happened and discuss how to make it happen less, or not at all. That is a healthy relationship. This guy you are interested in, does he know you are gay? Furthermore do you truly know that you are gay? I think it would be apparent that you are somewhat confused with your identity at this point. It would be advisable to compose yourself, and make sure you are healthy enough for a relationship. That is, however, if you want it to be a meaningful relationship. That isnt to say that two people can not help one another, it is only to suggest that both people should be willing to accept one another for all their baggage and work to fixing themselves together. Really think about this one, and talk to me separately if you want. Best of wishes.
The answer to both questions is Yes. I'm fairly comfortably gay now, though I wasn't two years ago. I never at all question the idea that I might be gay. My problem isn't an orientation identity problem, not at this point. It's some sort of uncertainty, that I question things too readily, that I'm reluctant to just go with the flow sometimes. I have recently enough come out of a relationship that last just under eight months. Not nothing really. Perhaps I need more time before starting anything else that's possibly serious, but I need to be able to live the free and easy single life to some degree. I think I worry too much about every dalliance being a prelude to a relationship, rather than just seeing how something goes, that I might be lucky, might not. Thank you both though for taking the time to respond.
Okay. You were not clear about your sexuality two years ago. So, prior to that, that is probably the reason you did not have many relationships: you didn't know what you wanted. Then, once you accepted yourself as gay, you had this eight-month relationship that just recently ended. I think you are actually fine.
Thanks for putting things so reassuringly simple. To be honest, I shouldn't sound too anguished. It's that it can seem lonely or get me down a bit when so many friends of mine have been in relationships for much more time. I think I probably could do with being a little more confident, but I suppose I just wanted to pose this here as a form of interactive diary. Thanks again.
