K, so we've been having real problems as a family lately. :| I'm an only child and my parents are going through a nasty divorce. Dad's being really selfish about it all and really is a spiteful person, and I guess he just wishes the absolute worst for my mom. My mom is a better person I guess, she's Christian and follows some of the moral kind respectful things associated with it, but my Dad is really making it hard for her. I feel so distant from both of them now. I can't even manage a normal conversation with them anymore. It's so hard continuing a conversation with my dad because he's just really introverted. My mom just talks about grades and education and success and money 24/7. I come from a Chinese family, you know. They're friggin notorious for obsessing their ass off about grades and money (not trying to be racist here or anything, but this is REALLY true for me at least). My current situation is this - mom and dad don't talk to each other at all. Mom + me do all of the work in the house and my dad literally sits home and watches TV all day (no exaggeration here). My mom has a tough job, and for the longest time now she will get angry at me INSTANTLY. I just can't talk to her at all anymore. My grades are dropping in math, and the only thing my mom cares about is my grades. Been a straight A student all my life, but my PreCal average is like a C right now. Freshman in high school btw. I try my best, I really do and I know the material like the back of my hand. I just make stupid mistakes that just bring it down really far, and my mom doesn't believe me. She constantly yells at me about how she never sees me studying math (I do, that bitch just doesn't see study. Excuse me if I don't plop a chair in front of her face and start reading my textbook). :bang: I haven't had a conversation with my mom about something other than school in God knows how long. I'm almost afraid of talking to her now because somehow, she's always going to turn the convo into some list of criticisms about my schoolwork. I have no interest for the lifestyle she wants me to pursue. I don't want to be a banker making millions a year. My mom's in denial of that. My mom is also constantly hovering over my life and I just don't want her in my social life at all. I don't want her to know who all my friends are. I don't want her to know which problems were on the worksheet. Gosh, I just want some privacy. Asian parents aren't too polite to their children either, you know. They'll criticize you right down to the bone. "You're too skinny, you don't have enough friends, you're not doing as good as you can in school. WORK HARDER WORK HARDER WORK HARDER." She also constantly criticizes me about my friendship circle. I have a lot of girl friends and she says that I shouldn't be associating with them at all. She's really an uptight conservative, and I obviously can't be open to her about my bisexuality. She has made her homophobia clear to me, constantly criticizing every gay remark she encounters. :dry: I don't really associate with my dad much at all. I've just lost hope for him altogether. I know you might say I should appreciate my mom caring about me so much, and I really do. I do appreciate it. But its just become such an obstacle. I know what I'm doing wrong in school, I don't need 30 min yelling lectures day after day reminding me. I just feel like I'm being pushed too hard, over-criticized day after day. I'm a freshman in PreCal and all honors classes year after year. That's not supposed to happen. @_@ On the bright side I do have a great group of friends, dudes and bettys. Still completely closeted. We live south, and NO ONE comes out here, haha. My family is just... ugh. I feel like I just want to get emancipated and live my own life without them. This was kind of a vent but :help:
Your parents are divorcing but still living in the same house? What a toxic atmosphere for all of you. It is probably hard for your mom to see anything positive right now and it would be difficult for either of you to have a real conversation (which potentially leaves you open/vulnerable) in that environment. Is there any chance to get out of the house together? What do you do to cope with all this pressure? Glad to hear your friends are a source of strength & support for you.
I'm sorry about your situation. Have you tried telling your mother to stop talking 24/7 about grades and criticizing even the smallest flaws? Have you tried a conversation about how you feel about her negative attitude? If you haven't I think you should give it a shot and see what happens. If she is aware of how you are feeling, then I'm sure she'll soften up a little. As for your education and your future career, it's your life and you gotta decide what is right for you. I know this sounds like a cliche, but it's true. If your mother is pressuring you to do stuff that you don't want to, then you gotta stand up for yourself, be strong, and do what you believe in. Also have you considered talking to a counselor or therapist? Divorce is always an extremely difficult thing to handle, for both spouses and their children. I think talking about your frustration and feelings with somebody could be potentially beneficial. And plus you could talk about your frustration with your mother's educational expectations as well. Anyways, I don't know if this was a good advice, but I truly hope that things get better for you and your parents And it's good that you have good set of friends by your side Hopefully they'll help you emotionally in this tough time.
Im not completely certain how different Asian cultures are from American cultures, however, I do know that all family's have dysfunction. The only way to solve dysfunction is to communicate I'm afraid. There lies a problem, you don't communicate at all with your parents, not that its your fault, but none the less there is no room for growth in your relationship with them. I wouldn't be concerned at this point about coming out to your mom, or dad, because of the dysfunction is at such a irritable level. In stead I would focus on discussing with her much of what you have just posted. That you want to be able to live your own life, that you are trying your best, and maybe some of what is happening at school is the negativity you are exposed to at home is effecting your schoolwork. She could probably understand that considering how into school she is. As for the friends.... thats not really of her business, and you just need to establish that you are your own person, and she is her own person. She can not control you.
Yeah, we moved here like 3-4 years ago, and right when we moved we found out my dad was cheating. Kind of a bad combo of events. We moved into a really nice house, but now my dad just wants to keep the house and kick my mom out (and my dad isn't too much of a parent, so my only solution is to go with my mom). I think my mom's planning to move out with me around May / June to a nearby neighborhood. I normally try to suppress these feelings and keep it to myself and have it wear off, but sometimes they just get me really worked up. I have been trying to tell her at times. I tell her to stop criticizing me about everything + I tell her that she pressures me too much on my grades, but she just doesn't seem to listen at all (maybe she'll hold back for a few days but afterwards its back to first base). Well, as an asian family we're really cheap hhahah. Yeah, my dad got laid off like 8 months ago and my mom is tight on money so I don't think they would want to pay for a therapist. I was kind of hoping to talk about my frustrations here. :s Heh she's VERY asian and I'm really americanized. Their culture and viewpoints on their children is really different - as in, they generally all want you to be some kind of Ivy league scholar with straight A+s, very high pay finance job, and some extracurriculars like piano. Like, the grades of their children are the world to them, and if we don't live up to their expectations, we're a complete failure in their eyes. They're generally not open to the kid's interests, only their own interests in what they want their kids to do. :/ It's like we owe them our lives because they're our parents. Coming out isn't too much of a concern to me at the moment anyways. It'd be nice for them to know and accept, but its definitely not a priority at all. But thank you for your concern! I try to talk our problems out repeatedly, but somehow she'll just ignore my points and go off in her own little sense of logic. She has a habit of getting mad very easily, and also when she has no more arguments to support herself she'll always say "I don't want to talk about it, stop." And it really bugs me because she's saying it just to avoid losing the argument. I never win. :bang: Thanks all three of you for your support. (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) (that's one for each, I think, but what do I know, I have a C in math!)
It is my understanding (corect me if I'm wrong) that Asian parents, along with first generation immigrants of many other descents, are not very open to feedback from their children. It wasn't many generations ago that Canadian/American parents weren't either. It would have been taken as rebellion, or at least disrespect, and not tolerated. So as much as we might wish talking it out was an option, it might not be for everyone. Hopefully they will come around when they see you happy and successful (not necessarily in that order ) in your chosen field. I never really liked math either...
Don't look for solutions to your problems, right now, there's too much going on for there to be solutions. Just look for ways to handle and manage the stress. Once you've got that figured out, you'll have the time and energy to actually focus on solutions.
