well, the title says it all. Why I never seem to find the right guy? It's the seventh time I'm rejected by a guy. I feel really miserable. I don't want to carry on. It will always be like this. I suppose that I'll have to continue being the sex toy I've been up to now and try to be as happy as I can. I'm sorry for dumping this, but I'm really sad at the moment and there's no one I can talk to. I don't want to use EC for this, as everyone has their own problems, but this time it as necessary.
Im sorry for what's happening to you, You know, this happens to lost of people and it's hard to find teh right one. The thing is you just keep moving on, if anyhting bad happens to you, just be strong, and you may also learned something about the last relationship so you will have a better oen next time Life is tough isnt it, but you can be tougher than life Well, EC isa good place to tell and share your stories so feel free to post your feelings here I dont knwo what else to say, I hope you feel better
Sorry that you feel rejected after being turned down. Remember there is a time for everything under the sun, maybe it just wasn't meant to be this time. I am a little concerned about what you wrote though. You said that you don't want to carry on and added that it will always be like this. You have the power to make a change. People are attracted to positive people. If you change your outlook, perhaps the person you seek won't reject you. It is not normal to consider oneself a sex toy. Mental health encourages physical health. A statement like this sends up a red flag that there may be unresolved mental health issues. Statistically people with a low self esteem puts you at greater risk of STIs. If you are truly considering yourself as a sex toy, you are jeopardizing your mental health and perhaps your physical health. Consider consulting a licensed therapist to resolve these issues. Appreciate what you do have in life. Don't dwell on the negatives, or the things that you don't have, if you consume yourself with all of those negative feelings, you won't be attuned when Mr. Right comes by. Take care and always feel like you are able to post here at EC.
I hear what you are saying. Life is difficult and unfair. Just one thing... You are not just a sex toy, you are worth SOOOoooo much more! I have read many of your posts, you are a sensitive, highly intelligent and caring person. These people that reject you are the ones who loose out by not knowing you better, by not enjoying your company and everything you can give them. You lose nothing because these people obviously are not worth it... even if you were attracted to them. It is true, everyone has their own problems but, if you can't share them here, if you don't let us then who will. We are all a big family and families are here to help whoever needs it, when they need it. (&&&)
Awww, you don't deserve that Fred. You're a great person, they just don't see it, you will find someone that knows how to love you. I hope a few homo south americans will start opening their eyes and date you ! (*hug*)
Let's turn this around. If I told you that I had been rejected 7 times in my life, would it occur to you to tell me that it would always be like that for me- that there was no sense in my carrying on? Of course not! You'd tell me I may be making poor choices in who I was getting involved with. You'd tell me I just hadn't met the right person yet. You'd tell me that I might need to work on strengtheing my ability to maintain a relationship- that I might be too needy, that I might be too private, that I might be too affectionate, that I might not be affectionate enough- that I may need to look at what caused those relationships to fail. You'd tell me to learn what I could from those failures but not to doubt myself. You'd tell me that if I failed 70 times 7 times- that all I needed was to find the one relationship that was right, the one person who fulfiled me- so just keep looking. That's what I'm going to tell you! ( : Tim
Ah Fred.... (*hug*) I do know how you feel. I was rejected by somebody very important in my life a long time ago and it hurts like hell. It still does and its been something like 9 years since. I know, I have trouble letting go. :icon_wink Don't give up hope that somebody will come along that loves and appreciates you for the great person that you are. Don't be a sex toy. You are better than that. Work on learning to love yourself.
I know it may be (much) more difficult where you live, but my recent experience proves once again that: It is when you STOP looking for that special someone that they suddenly appear! Just give it time, and as Josh mentioned above, you'll attract the person that you want to be with when you put your best foot forward and can look at life with a positive attitude. Only when I decided that enough was enough, that I was going to take control of my life for me, did I meet someone that was very special.
Well, I know what the problems are. First, I am not the nicest looking guy, nor do I have the greatest personality. I'm always sad and when I'm depressed I'm very bitter and I can also be very nasty. Second, I'm in Uruguay, and I happen to be the only out gay guy under 45 in the city. There are 10,000 people. Third, the Uruguayan gay community isn't the best. Even the gay community is dominated by old-school morality: for example, all the guys who have approached me except for one were exclusive tops. In Uruguay, you can tell who is a top and who is a bottom quite easily; if he acts gay, he's a bottom, if he doesn't, he is a top. And I mean it. Versatility simply doesn't exist. There is also a strong problem with bottoms... in fact, being one puts you at the bottom of the scale, to the points that even other call you sissy and faggot. So, from the sexual point of view, very few partners would treat me OK (I like both) Fourth, I am very, um, "special". Due to some things in my past, I don't like to be touched, even by a guy I'm being intimate with. When he touches me I feel nervous and guilty... to the point that it turns me off completely. I know I have to get over it, but I'd need my partner to be patient with me. Trying to touch me by force will only make things worse (I know by experience) I could think of some more... but I think that it's enough with those... By the way, I'm a sex toy because the guys who have had sex with me, except for one, used me as such. They wouldn't touch me if that was possible. It was always me servicing them. They didn't like me. One of them covered his face not to see me. Another one insisted on turning the lights off for the same reason.
Fred, you're killing me. My heart goes out to you and is breaking. What a heart rending vision you have of yourself. :icon_sad: Do you have therapy? Can someone help you with these issues? I think the first thing is to stop having sex for the moment, this is only validating your view of yourself. The people who have been using you are not human beings with feelings they are the scum of the earth - gay or straight I don't care, if you treat someone, anyone, like you have been treated, you are scum I know we are not allowed to shout here in EC but YOU ARE NOT A SEX TOY!!! :bang: :bang: I can't bear to hear you talk about yourself like that. For looks, I can't say because I haven't seen you but we can't all of us look like Brad Pit or Angelina Joli. I myself am a completely ordinary 40 something person with nothing to distinguish me from any other 40 something person but I have had 3 great loves in my life and have someone who loves me dearly, not obviously for my looks, but just for ME! Looks count for the initial attraction to someone but however 'beautiful' you are if you have the personality of a pig it won't last. As for your personality, don't you feel you have the right to be morose and sad after all you have been and are going through!!! When... note I said WHEN you find someone who loves you, they will see the loving, intelligent man behind the mask of morose anger. These people do exist, I promise you. If you can, I think you need to bide your time, until a time when you can leave Uruguay, when you will be able to join a 'real' gay community where the emphasis isn't on humilitation and using other people like they are no more that tissues to be used and thrown away! I know nothing of gay communities but I can't imagin that this is the case for the most of them. Mixing with the gay community in Uruguay is TOXIC for you. Don't let people treat you like this! You are worth more than this. I live on the other side of the world from you and I can see it from here!!! Open your eyes, you are a lovely person. Everyone has the right to be grumpy and disagreable from time to time. YOU ARE A LOVELY PERSON! I think the first step is to build up your self image and once you see the same image of yourself that we see here... A very inteligent, caring, sensitive person with loads to give to enrich the lives of those you come in contact with then you can go out into the gay community armed with self confidence and you won't LET yourself be treated like this. If I lived a bit nearer I would come round to your house and hug you to death untill you admited that yes you are a worthy person. You would do it just to get rid of me!!! :icon_bigg
Photos are in his gallery here http://emptyclosets.com/forum/view.php?photos=616&title=the-rainbow-warrior Looks good to me!
Looks more than good to me!!! Fred change your glasses, you are GORGEOUS. Any man, and I'm talking about real men, not the scum bags that you have been going out with, but careing sensitive men would be proud to have you has his partner! Hey a show of hands on who would like to be seen in public with Fred and be proud to have a boyfriend like him.
Fred, I agree with Louise! There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks. You have a really nice SMILE!
^ Absolutely! I like the picture of you lying on your back in the grass smiling! I have to believe that you're not the ONLY versatile gay guy in Uraguay! What always kept me going was the thought that "If I'm out here looking for someone, there is bound to be at least one other person like me that's also looking for someone!"
I'm sorry to tell you that the smile is fake. I rarely smile. There are like two people in the world who make me smile and they are both far away. It is obvious that your show of hands failed, Louise. So far, the "hands" have been those of Becky and Jim, who (no offense intended) are a little, um, mature to be my boyfriend or girlfriend. Plus they are taken. Oh, and Paul, who is also taken and could be my father. My glasses are fine, I was tested recently. I could use a new pair though, they are like 6 years old and my grandfather once stepped on them after they fell from my face... weird twist of events. I appreciate the kind words though. Thanks.
It's been said before here, but sometimes change has to come from within you. If you never smile, you're not going to attract the kind of person that you want to spend time with... If you're unable to find someone that suits you right now, then stop looking. Accept the fact that at age 19, where you currently live, you're not going to find your soul mate. Focus on other areas of your life where you can have an influence on the outcome (school, relationships with friends and family, your health, etc.) and put those aspirations for a boyfriend to one side for now. And DON'T get involved with people that are going to simply 'use' you - because you're not getting anything out of those encounters. Just go without (I have! 99 days, but who's counting?!?).
Well, I'm in your age range, and I think you look like a young Freddy Prinze Jr! (in case you don't know who he is, he's a hot actor) So, now the show of hands is up by 1 This could possibly be a dumb remark to make, but if I were you I'd get out of Uruguay as fast as possible (when you're a bit older of course), it seems a lot of your self esteem issues and relationship problems stem from how the gay community seems to work over there... Doesn't sound nice.
