This is actually my first time telling ANYONE . But I think its time I get some support and advice about this. Okay so, I'm young ..still in high school. Ever since I was young I always had crushes on boys in my classes. I never thought I would ever be into girls, and I still don't really think I am, but at the same time I feeel like I'm not really into boys either. It's really confusing . Well, anyways ... last year I met this girl and me and her became friends. Me and her started to get really close, we pretty much instantly connected. She would always tell me that she missed me when I went home from school , and I started to miss her too. I knew that she never really had anyone there for her, so I wanted to be that person. We would talk to each other every single day for hours and hours, and we still do . So, the very first time I went to her house I was really nervous and i'm not exactly sure why. We went to her room and she let me sit on her lap, and she wanted to hold hands with me o: I felt really happy inside and I dont know why ,it felt exciting to me. Later on while I was there, we sat on her couch in her room and watched a movie, and she put her arm around me , and for some reason I liked it when she did that As we talked there were a few times when her and I got really close and it seemed like she wanted to kiss me and I kinda wanted too o: Okay so time went on but im not gonna give every detail cause this is already REALLY long, soo a few months went by and she would always ask me, "Can I kiss you on the cheek?" and I would always be like "Uhm, I dont think thats a good idea." But inside I kinda wanted her too :icon_redf So eventually I let her, and then evetually I let her kiss be on the lips but I didnt kiss her back , and THEN eventually I did kiss her back, and from then on me and her have developed feelings for eachother and I'm not sure what this makes me ? But heres the BIG PROBLEM , no one knows. People just think we are BEST friends . We aren't officially in a relationship because i'm not allowed to date, and if I EVER told my mom that this was happening she would be extremely mad, so now I dont know what to do. I NEVER thought I would be in a situation like this, it makes me VERY sad inside and scared. I'm basically living a LIE :tears:
aww hun, being with someone doesn't mean you have to instantly announce it to the world, you could always explore your feelings with some discretion, and then if the two of you want to tell people later, thats your choice. but if you do decide to continue on in secret, be very careful, very very careful
Hun, we are all here for you. I know that high school can be a very confusing time in everyone's life, so if you ever feel alone, come here. That is why this site exists, so everyone can have somewhere to go, whether they be they are happy, sad, elated depressed, questioning, whatever. You seem like you are questioning or exploring your sexuality, which is perfectly fine. We all have at one point or another. Like waltros said, just because you are exploring your sexuality, it does not mean you have to tell everybody. I have found that some people are just adept to figuring things out, and know that you may have gay/bi tendencies before you are ready for everyone to know. (this happened to me, a coworker of mine is in his graduate studies to be a psychologist, and he knew that I was bi well before I came out to him) I think what I am getting at is that although this is new to you, we are here for you. Think of us as your family that has a heck of a lot of experience in the LGBT field, and if you have any questions, whether they be big or little, come and ask us. Someone here is bound to have a simmilar experience to you, or have knowledge of the subject and be able to guide you.
I am soo soo sorry that you feel this way dear. Let me get this out clean and quickly. You say you dont know what you are, but you say that you are interested in men, and you have a secret infatuation for women. If anything you are bi curious. You do not have to choose a label, however is it much easier for you to relate to people when you do. That will develop over time though, I do not believe you are ready to conform to anything. It is also my belief that you are not living a lie, in fact you are being very much truthful to yourself. You are allowing yourself to act on your own instincts, which can be very healthy. For now? I would be advisable to take a pause in your life to find out who you are. You obviously really enjoy being with this girl, and you dont seem to want to sacrifice that. So take some steps in your life to kind of just rationalize where you are at this point. Why are you feeling this way? What triggers these feelings? Just allow yourself to go threw all these questions in your head, perhaps write them all down, and try and make sense of all that is consuming you. Remember also that you can tackle individual issues here on EC. We are more than happy to ease troubles. Best of wishes.
I guess the only real advice I could give would be to be safe and do what feels right. I know a label seems like a big deal and an important thing to have, but what's more important is how you feel.
Thanks everyone so much ! all of your advice and support has actually made me feel a bit better about myself : )
That sounds a lot like how me and my ex best friend were when I first realized I liked girls. It sounds like you might be bi but you don't have to label yourself. Just give it some time and see where it goes. I mean you can be with her if you really want to without announcing it to the world. When I first starting dating girls I kept it a secret and everyone thought we were just friends and that worked out fine since I'm really not into PDA anyway, even now. It sounds like it's worth exploring since it seems like she likes you. Just see what happens. You're still young
Just do what feels right, I used to be terrified about telling people the feelings I was feeling when I started to discover myself, don't feel like you need to tell anyone anything right away. I also felt very alone when I first started to discover myself, but the web is a good place to look to for support. Also try Youtube. I watch many different channels on there that helped my self esteem when I was 'coming out to myself.' Who knows you might be gay, you might be bi, you might be pansexual or you might be straight and just have feelings for this one girl. I know how it feels to want to know what you are RIGHT NOW but it really does take time. Just know that you will find support here. I think what you have with this girl seems special and true, even if you end up being straight who says you can't have true feelings for this one girl. Also sometimes you need to stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present! "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery and today is a gift, that's why it's called the present."
Thanks everyone so very much ! To tell you the truth I dont feel very alone anymore, and you've all helped me look at this in a different way, and I do agree with what you guys are saying, so once again thanks! It really means a lot to have people to understand me.
